12 Month old won't go to sleep by herself - help

[guidozgirl]

Hello- I really want to read some of these books listed, but let's face it- I am exhausted and don't have the attention spam that I use to so reading a thick book really won't help me right now.

My just now 1 year old still won't sleep by herself. When she was younger we could get her to sleep then place her in her crib and all was fine and she would even sleep for several hours a few times all the way through the night. However, a shift occurred and I don't remember when if I had to guess I would say 6 months were she would instantly wake up and scream once her head touched the sheets. Perhaps a bad move on our parts my husband and I decided to co-sleep and I became rather happy with the solution of nursing while in bed so that my husband and I could get some rest. Now our darling little angle is rather happy with that arrangement and anytime we deviate from it she is upset (rightly so).

I like what I have read so far about having a consistent night time routine; we have not been good about it due to the nature of our work schedules - we own our own business and when that's the case it is rare that you have normal working hours. I also like the idea of getting her down earlier- I have always waited for my hubby to get home so her could see her for a while before she went down. I say the suggestion of a sleep log and I will start that but this is an approximate of what our day is like:

So this is Heather's day more or less

9am ish Wakes for the day following this we eat, play and so on
anywhere from 11-1pm she will take an hour to two hour nap following this eat, play
sometimes she will take a nap at 3ish or 4ish if she had an earlier nap at 11
usually she goes to bed anywhere from 9-10pm
around 2am she wakes to nurse
around 4am she wakes to nurse
around 6am she wakes to nurse

Currently she has no intention to stop nursing and she will only fall asleep with the boob now unless she is the car seat and we are somewhere
I don't mind her nursing, but she has recently started bitting for giggles and well she has 6 teeth now and it hurts like well you know what...

It breaks my heart to let her cry and I don't think I can do it, but how do we get her back in her own crib and out of the cycle of using nursing to fall asleep without letting her cry? Any thoughts would be great...

           

[yaya]

Hi there, welcome to the boards! Let me briefly outline the theories in the babywhisperer book. The main idea with independent sleep is that if you 'aide' or 'help' your baby to fall asleep they will not be able to fall asleep on their own if/when they wake early from a nap or at nightime. For example if baby fell asleep on boob, when he she wakes she's thinking 'hey I want to go to sleep, give me the boob coz thats what I need to fall asleep!' this is one reason for multiple nightwakings. Also, LOs get wuite heavy and u really dont want to be holding them to sleep or nursing etc!!
Sooooo I have few suggestions for you seeing as u seem keen to break this habit, you need to get rid of the night nursing, at 12 months she does not need it and if you break this habit she'll stop waking for it. Sounds hard I know but we're talking of putting in a few week's worth of hard work then its all soo worth it!
So, how do you do this? well you need to teach her to fall asleep on her own. Because she hasnt been 'sleep tranined' before I would you what BW calls 'gradual withdrawal' where you ermove the amount of dependency she has to fall asleep gradually. Let me outline what I did/do with my DS:

Have your bedtime routine, whatever that is, place LO in cot/crib and say ' night night i love you' or something to that effect. Place your hand on her back when u lay her down and if she seems settled remove it. when she cries, place your hand on her back or rub bacl or whatever works to calm her down and say 'shhh nigh night'. You repeat this unitl she falls asleep. It will take a lon time to start with but this time will graudually shorten as she will need you less and less.
HTH to get u started also check out the sleeping for toddlers FAQs, there's some very useful info

[Layla]

Hi there, I agree with pp that your lo has become dependant on being BF to sleep so you will have to teach her indep sleep. She may cry but you are there with her to help her get through this so don't feel like your making her cry or leaving her to cry on her own. She will cry because its something new but it will get better and the crying will be less and less.

Here's a link to sleep training methods for toddlers: - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0
Here's a link on which method to chose: - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

These links are from the FAQ's so like Yaya mentioned good idea to have a look at the site. I would also do GW considering she is so attached to you. Other methods might be too hard on her at the moment. Try to settle her in the cot, don't pick her up or nurse her because then all that crying is a waste. She will learn that she will eventually get nursed to sleep. Maybe give her something else to replace "you" with like a soft teddy or maybe her fav toy.

In order to have her down for the night earlier, you will need to wake her up earlier as well. So pick a time (say 7am), wake her up, feed & then play. Take her out of the house (if possible) expose her to lots of stimulation, etc... and as you get closer to 9.30 start getting ready for the nap. Do your wind-down routine and then place her in cot. If she falls asleep at 10ish, limit the nap to 45mins - 1hr max so that she is tired enough to take the afternoon nap. At 12months, they still need 2 naps so usually you would limit the morning nap. Some allow a long morning nap and offer a catnap in the afternoon. My lo never took a catnap in the early evening so my only option was to cut her 1st nap. If she fights the afternoon nap then put her down to bed for the night earlier - so say 6pm the latest. I would offer the pm nap around 2ish (this nap is usually longer one) and then bedtime at 7pm. It will probably take you about a 1-2weeks for her body to adjust to the new times. Just try to avoid the overtired cycle cause then it will be much harder to settle her.

This is all very possible but you have to be consistent. We're all here for you so post as often as you like and just think of your ultimate goal - which is to teach her how to fall asleep without any props.

Let me know what you think
Layla

[Ami ~ 3 girls' mom]

And if you're wondering you don't have to stop nursing to teach independent sleep.  There's a thread in the breastfeeding forum for moms nursing past a year.   

[yaya]

How r u getting on?