Desperate, exhausted mom!!!

[Michaela's Mom]

Ladies,

I am at the end of my tether. At 17 months, dd is back into the non sleep phase. She has one tiny nap during the day (if she has more than 1 nap, she only goes to bed at 11/12pm, and although she's really tired when it's time for bed - usually around 7.30/8pm, she still wakes up 2/3 times a night, sometimes she wakes at 1pm and doesn't go back to sleep! We actually calculated the other day that out of a 24 hour period, she was awake for 17 hours! that can't be normal! 

I really am at my wits end! I have just started working full time again and i find that i'm exhausted every day, and although dp and i discussed sharing responsibility of Michaela in the evenings once i went back to work full time, that doesn't seem to have transpired so i still do everything in the evenings too.

I am seriously thinking of putting Michaela through a sleep programme to try and solve this problem.

She's incredibly hyperactive during the day and doesn't sit still for a second - you'd think she'd be exhausted by bedtime - no way, a quick power nap is all she needs and she's up and about again. I don't give her sweets or any other stimulants either, so it's not what she's eating.

Any ideas or suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks in advance
Sharon  (PS - the dark glasses are to hide the dark circles under my eyes! )

[Layla]

Hi Sharon - 17hrs awake & extremely hyperactive sounds like extremely overtired to me.
Could you please post your routine (or what your typical day looks like???).


Layla

[Michaela's Mom]

Layla,

She doesn't really have a set routine. She's up and about between 6-7am, i've cut her down to one sleep at about lunchtime 12-1pm and then i put her down for the night between 7-8pm. She does sometimes have a second nap during the day, but will then not go down at night until 10/11pm.

I've also found that when she does actually sleep right through, she wakes up a completely different baby - full of smiles and very happy, whereas if she doesn't sleep through, she's really miserable the entire next day. She does get very, very tired, but no matter what we do, she just won't go to sleep!

Sharon

[Layla]

Sharon, does she take a 1hr nap or does she start the nap b/n 12-1pm. Does she fall asleep on her own or do you do anything to help her??? What do you do when she wakes at night?

[Michaela's Mom]

Sometimes she goes to sleep by herself (depending on how tired she is), and sometimes she wants to be held. When she wakes at night, i usually get up, go to her and either give her a bottle, her dummy, or take her back into my bed just so i can get some sleep.

She slept in my bed since she was born, and we have recently begun putting her in her cot, although i don't believe this to be the cause of her waking as she was waking up long before i started putting her in the cot.

Sometimes, she can be exhausted in the evening, i will put her down at about 7pm, she will sleep till about 1am and then get up and think it's time for her to start her day!  I mean, literally, she is wide awake and on the go!

Sharon

[Layla]

These are my suggestions:

When she wakes at night, you need to pick a sleep training method and use that to teach her how to get back to sleep. I would cut out all the AP - no more bottles (she really doesn't need that at this age), no more holding and no more back into your bed. We all wake up at night - its a normal part of the sleep cycle. The thing is she hasn't learnt how to get herself back to sleep and is used to attention from you when she wakes at night.

Heres a link to sleep training methods for toddlers: - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0
This is a link to help you chose which method to pick - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

This may take some time and she may cry. This is all new to her and she won't know what it is you want of her. But you need to think of your ultimate goal - which is to teach her how to fall asleep on her own.

She also needs to have 1 nap averaging 1.5-2hrs during the day. If she starts her day b/n 6-7am, I would aim for the nap about 5.5-6 hrs from the time that she wakes. So if she starts her day at 6am, have her start her nap at 12ish. If you keep her up any longer it just leads to overtiredness. Don't let her take another nap, instead bring the bedtime forward. YOu need to protect the early bedtime and if she's having a catnap in the late afternoon and is refreshed enough to go to bed at 10/11pm, thats also causing restless sleep.

I would also keep up with the earlier bedtime. Aim at 7pm for now. She really needs to catch up on sleep. The av amount of sleep for toddlers is 13hrs (11hrs at night and 2hrs during the day). So if you put her down and she's up at 1am, walk in tell her its still nighttime and leave. She will learn.... Even if she is wide awake and on the alert, let her be. Don't go in there with a bottle or anything else. Leave a couple of dummies in the cot so if she's misplaced one, then she can find another one. If she starts crying, do your method of training until she falls back asleep.

I know it might seem overwhelming and impossible but your lo is chronically overtired if she is awake up to 17hrs in a day. I would pick a day when you can start fresh. Include your dh so that you can get some sleep yourself during this period. Consistency is the key so if you stick to it it will pay off and sleep will be closer than you think  .

Finally we are all here to help you get through this. Post back as often as you like to keep me updated.
Good luck & let me know what you think
Layla

[Michaela's Mom]

thanks Layla,

Those links were a great help. Last night was another exhausting night for all with dd waking up 3 times again, eventually i relented and took her into bed with me! 

After going through the various methods, i think i'm going to try the gradual withdrawal approach as she is very dependent on having me there to fall asleep. We have a long weekend coming up which will give me 4 days to start implementing this.

Thanks so much for your help - wish me luck and i will keep you informed of our progress.

Sharon 

[Layla]

Sharon, post back as often as you like.... I will be waiting
Good luck! Its not going to be easy but its definitely worth it.