How can i train my boys to sleep?!!!

[islawhite]

Hi there
I have two young boys, George, age 3 and Jack 20mths. They both share a bedroom (we have no option) and are both in beds.

They have both been reliant on me for their sleeping from an early age, the eldest slept with us in our bed until his brother was born and then the youngest did the same, sleeping in our bed until about 4mths ago when he moved to his own bed.

At the moment the situation is this. At night they get ready for bed, have supper and go upstairs fine... George will get into bed ok and lay down (sometimes throwing in a few stalling tactics) but he cries if i try to leave the room. Jack will only get in bed if i am in his bed with him. If George knows im staying with Jack in his bed then he will settle to sleep easily.

Jack takes ages to settle, often standing up, falling over etc etc.. its a pain in a single bed!! Once he eventually falls asleep i get out and come downstairs, but obviously the second he wakes up (after an hour or so) he screams again until i settle him. This continue during the night and its got to the stage where i am so exhausted I am now basically sleeping in his bed with him each night, all night just to get rest!

Daddy works til late so he cant help (no choice), he did try tonight as he was home earlier but George cried for me and Jack screamed for half an hour!

I just dont know how to get them on track to a good bedtime... i dont want to have to sleep in a single bed any more.. i want to sleep with my husband!!!....

Its getting to the stage where im exhausted, both physically and mentally, and i really need advice.

so any words of wisdom would be wonderful

[jennyh]

my 2 girls are exactly the same age as your boys.the oldest is in a room of her own and we have India in a bed beside ours .we haven't tried to put them in a room yet together so i am no help really,but i will follow this with great interest if thats OK ..jenny

[Erin M]

Hi there, there are a few methods of teaching independent sleep that we advocate in accordance with the BW philosophy.  Here's a link describing them:

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0

and a link about how to choose which one

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

I'd be inclined to go more towards gradual withdrawal just because your boys are so dependent on you being there.  Also, you can check out the sticky at the top of this forum for sleep training success stories in big beds.  That should help you out -- read through them and then post back with questions that you have and we'll be glad to help you out

[islawhite]

Id just like to say a huge thanks for that, i know the information is here on the forums but its so hard to find at times especially when you are so sleepy and feel very low.

ive read the links you have given and i am going to try for the gradual withdrawal method.... the question is, i wonder if it will work for both of them at the same time.? Jack is the one who i lie with every night, but george is also upset if im not there in his brothers bed where he knows i usually am.
Fingers crossed it works, his bed is right by the door so i shall have to work it in small stages, there is only enough space for me to sit ont he floor between his bed and door. Wish me luck everyone!!!!

[Erin M]

Good luck!  Gradual withdrawal does sound best for you, honestly I'm not quite sure how it would work with two, but it does seem like they have the same sort of needs if you know what I mean.    I'll see if I can find anyone who has tried it with two at once... 

[mari]

Good luck with it, looks like you have a lot on your hands. 
Could you try to offer something like a reward chart for George to be a big boy and show his brother how to do it, as he is older perhaps you could appeal to this.  Just a thought.

I do sympathise and know how hard it is on your own as my husband works away.

We will support you as much as possible so any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Mari

[islawhite]

thanks, i started last night but i think i need to begin again!

the three of us went upstairs after bath and story i tried to get Jack to lay down whilst i sat next to him instead of laying next to him.... all he did was jump up and down on his bed shouting and squealing so loudly.... this went on for almost an hour which meant poor George just couldnt even try and go to sleep and it began to make him restless too.. in the end i gave in (which i know i shouldnt but poor george was sooo tired by then and it wasnt his fault he couldnt get to sleep) and i laid down and within about 5 minutes Jack was sleeping. Unfortunately he woke up about 2 hours later and screamed the house down until i was next to him again... its not like attention screaming though, its like a terrified scream. When i lay next to him he grasps my face with both hands like he really needs me and hugs me so tight...

Im not sure what goes wrong really... we have bath, milk and story and everyones really nice and relaxed, but the second its time for sleep its like all hell breaks loose!

Guess its back to square one from tonight....

[yaya]

Just wanted to offer some hugs and support, it must be soo hard. The only thing I can suggest is trying diff bedtimes? As JAck is younger maybe try getting him into bed while George watches a dvd or something (will he do this?) then put George to bed? Sorry to be of not much help...let us know how u get on!

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

Does Jack have a lovey?  I know it really helps my toddler to sleep - maybe when you start afresh, give him something else to cuddle and introduce it as the replacement for mommy...

[islawhite]

ive been thinking i might try and get him something else to hug at night, he hasnt really got a favourite thing (apart from me!!!) he has a dummy which he suck when going to sleep but then he spits it out once asleep. Lasy night was bad again... i just have to try and be strong but its hard when im so sleepy!... still.. positive thinking, it WILL get better... after all, he cant still be needing me to sleep with him when he is 16 can he! LOL 

[MDHmommy]

Oh boy Isla, that's tough.
You might have to set up camp in the bedroom for a few nights, it sounds like your youngest has a separation anxiety problem. What you'd do is make it comfy for yourself on the floor to sleep, and go to bed shortly after they do...ideally BEFORE the youngest wakes for the first time (you're so tired, you'll probably enjoy this opportunity ) Then pick up the gradual withdrawl from there.
If LO wakes in the night, speak with him from the floor: Shhh...sleepy time, mommy's right here. Lie down...etc.
Then move gradually away until they're doing a bit better on their own.

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

I know with my toddler, when we're out somewhere else for her nap (like at Granny's), I let her choose her own stuffed animal to sleep with.  Maybe you could try an outing to the store and let him pick something special - you know, make a big deal out of it?

[islawhite]

The worst thing of all is that they both go to nursery when im working and are fine there... George doesnt have a sleep but Jack does and all they do is lay him down in the little beds they have there and he goes to sleep by himself.. often without a dummy too!!!!!!

I am going to try this weekend again when im a bit more relaxed and have less things to get on with.... and we will see how it goes