Author Topic: feel like a terrible mom  (Read 846 times)

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Offline marijke

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feel like a terrible mom
« on: April 30, 2007, 06:46:19 am »
My 8.5 month son has never been a good sleeper. He had severe reflux and he's come a long way. About 1.5 month ago I thought we finally made it: he napped great and slept through the night for about 5 nights (not in a row). But then he started teething. By the time his first tooth was through he got ill. Then his second tooth came... And sleep was very bad again, waking 6 - 7 times at night. We gave him back his paci and he went back to sleep. But we can't do this anymore. So last night I slept downstairs and dh let him cry for no longer than 5 mins. Most of the time he settled himself after 2 - 3 minutes. He only had to get up once. But it feels terrible for me, it feels like letting him cio and I told myself I would never ever do that. But I'm getting angry at him for not sleeping, I have no patience anymore and that's not good either isn't it. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing...

Offline Layla

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Re: feel like a terrible mom
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2007, 08:17:44 am »
Hi there. First of BIG HUGS to you!!!

Letting him cry to sleep can actually make things worse so please refrain from doing it again. I understand about losing patience and being angry at him for not sleeping through the night but there are more gentle ways to deal with night wakings that don't involve leaving him to work it out on his own.

Is the crying more like a mantra cry or one of those "I really need you" cries.

How do you respond to him at night when he wakes? What sleep training methods did you use in the past? Is it a matter of replugging the paci - cause the paci could be a problem here as well  :-\.

If you could post your routine please... it might just have something to do with timing of the naps or length of the naps, etc...
We'll help you get through this and he might be sleeping straight through sooner than you think  :)

Layla  :-*



20/06/2012 - my angel baby

Offline marijke

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Re: feel like a terrible mom
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2007, 10:34:13 am »
Is the crying more like a mantra cry or one of those "I really need you" cries.
I really don't know, he always screams very very loud (everybody says so, even ped). So that's why in the past I never let him cry, but it might as well just be a mantra cry and he goes back to sleep, we're trying this now.

How do you respond to him at night when he wakes?
I jump out of the bed, rush to his room and give his paci. Nothing else, no talking, not taking him out of his cot. I don't think it's a paci addiction because he slept through in the past without paci (just to fall asleep).

What sleep training methods did you use in the past?
Because of the reflux I didn't do pu/pd, just persisted in having him take naps and staying in bed at night.

If you could post your routine please... it might just have something to do with timing of the naps or length of the naps, etc...
Routine is different every day, but most of the time something like this:
6.00 wake up
6.30/7.00 bf
8.00/8.30 nap (for 1 h, sometimes less, sometimes more, always different)
11.00 bottle
11.30/12.00 solids (sometimes solids first then bottle)
1.00/1.30 nap (1 h, sometimes less, sometimes more)
3.00 bottle
3.30/4.00 solids
6.30 bath
7.00 bf/sleep

The difficult thing for me is the mantra cry or not, if it's mantra it's ok to let him cry for a couple of minutes, if not it's cio, but I really don't have a clue... He also started crawling a lot since one week. That could also have something to do with it? Also teething?
« Last Edit: April 30, 2007, 10:44:37 am by marijke »

Offline Layla

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Re: feel like a terrible mom
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2007, 22:52:42 pm »
I think your A time need to be adjusted a little here. You should be able to stretch his A time in the morning to 3hrs to space the naps out a bit. If he's only taking a short morning nap and you have him awake until 1pm, thats too long and he's getting overtired as well. The average A time for 9mo is 3-4hrs.

I would aim for something like this:

6am - wake for the day
9am - morning nap (1hr +)
1pm-1.30 - afternoon nap (1.5hrs)
7pm - bedtime

If you are finding that you have to plug the paci back in to get him back to sleep then I would actually say that he is dependent on it. He might not have been dependant on it before and has become now. If you want to paci you can. Try to tweak the schedule and that might correct the NW and if you are still finding that you have to give him the paci to return back to sleep, you might have to start again without the paci and use pu/pd.

Mantra cry is more like a whine. Here's a more clearer explanation https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64160.0.

Yes, it could also be developmental and teething but I think in this case its more from OT. His naps need to be longer, especially the afternoon one. If he's only taking a 1hr (or less) in the afternoon and is then awake till 7pm, thats more than 4hrs and is contributing to the irratic sleep at night.

Start by adding 10-15mins to his morning every few days and let me know how it goes
Layla



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Offline marijke

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Re: feel like a terrible mom
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2007, 06:18:10 am »
Thanks, I'll try that! We put him to bed this early in the morning because he is always very tired still and grumpy.
Lasts night he slept through! He's got a cold, so yesterday we let him take a catnap, but he kept sleeping for 3 hours, woke up, gave him a bath, then back to bed and did'nt hear him till morning! I guess he was very very tired and the sleeping did him well... Wait and see what the future brings! Thank you for the advice, I'll let you know how it goes!