I'd really appreciate some help with the massive issues my DS seems to recently have with sleep. I'll try to give all the details which may help you to advise (so this will be a long post - sorry!), and please let me know if I've missed anything.
DS is coming up to 6 and a half months and has been on a (relatively flexible) EASY routine since one week old. Routine lnow ooks something like this, although the napping part is very unreliable and times will get shifted back a bit if DS wakes late due to a particularly bad night (I can't bring myself to wake him as I need the sleep too!)
8am - BF
9 - Breakfast
10/10.30 - nap - usually only get 45 mins, but sometimes 1 1/2 hours
12 - BF followed by lunch
1.30 (ish) - nap - aim for 1 1/2 - 2 hours, often only 45 mins
4 - BF
Cat nap in here if needed (and able to get him to have it!)
6.30 - Dinner
7 - Bath
7.30 - BF/Bottle of expressed milk
8 - Bed
This post could also have gone on the naps board, as his naps are so unreliable, but as I'm more worried about night wakings at the moment, and these are horrendous at the moment (DH and I are both so exhausted), I've put it here. I wouldn't be surprised if naps were the source of the problem though, I just can't work it out, but if they are, I've no idea how to fix them.
DS used to always go down really easily for the first nap, but rarely slept more than 45 mins. He would wake up crying, but could rarely be resettled, and once he was up, would seem happy enough, so I figured that was enough sleep. But today he was so tired from a bad night's sleep that he slept about 1 1/2 hours for his morning nap, and woke up cooing and smiling rather than crying, so perhaps he has never been getting enough morning sleep.
The lunchtime nap has always been a challenge to get him down for, but he does sleep sometimes sleep longer than 45 mins, and can sometimes be resettled if he wakes at that point (it makes a massive difference if I'm already in the room waiting to resettle him).
Recently though, all the rules have changed - he regularly starts screaming when I take him into his room to nap, but appears to be fine if I bring him back into the hall, or if I take him into his room when it is light. So it seems to be an objection to napping rather than anything else being wrong. He fights me really hard - arching his back away from me, which makes PU/PD (which I have started trying recently) really hard, as I can't comfort him by picking him up, but he screams even harder when I put him down. I did it for 40 mins a couple of days ago, and managed to get him down, but I'm not sure that he didn't just scream himself to the point of exhaustion, rather than that PU/PD worked.
Bedtime routine is bath, creaming and dressing (he has severe eczema so needs a lot of moisturising and often steroid cream too), story if he's not too fed up, BF/bottle then bed. I never let him fall asleep on the breast though, and as he still takes some time to get his wind (gas) up, he always gets put down awake.
He breastfeeds for between 15 mins and half an hour, although sometimes a bit longer at night if he's really tired. Generally he feeds on one side, although sometimes he has some from the other side at night, when he takes a big feed (8oz if he has a bottle) and it helps stop me being engorged in the morning.
He is pretty easy to settle in the evening, and doesn't do any of the same screaming as in the day, so I know he's not afraid of the dark or his room. He will often chatter a bit, but with the dummy (paci) will settle well, and happily fall asleep on his own. However, between then and the morning he now seems to wake at best 3 times at worst more than 10. He will often scream (rather than just cry) when he wakes, and appears to be in pain as he arches his back kicks his legs and wriggles all over. But if you take him out of the room or give him the dummy he seems totally calm, and with the dummy will usually resettle very quickly. However, he will then often wake 20 mins later when he hits the jerk and for some reason can't settle himself. I don't think his cry is ever a mantra cry, but then I don't think I know his mantra cry or even if he has one.
He is much harder to resettle without the dummy and I am quite worried that it has become a prop, although sometimes back patting does work (shushing now seems to keep him awake, although it worked very well when he was younger). We don't do any other accidental parenting that I'm aware of - he's never been rocked or fed to sleep.
He may be teething at the moment, but the major sleep problems have been going on for a few weeks, and I am sure he hasn't been teething throughout (there was a period of excessive drooling, but that stopped a few days ago). His eczema has also been really bad, but last weekend improved after we started a new cream, and there hasn't been a corresponding improvement in sleep.
I'm just so lost as to know where we're going wrong. Every nap is emotionally harrowing, and I find myself holding my breath hoping he won't wake too early from it. At night I lie awake listening for him, and think I hear him when he's actually asleep cos I'm so exhausted. I have tried so hard not to do accidental parenting and to teach him sensible independent sleep, and I feel so hopeless now that it all seems to have gone wrong. I would really appreciate some help/advice/support, as I'm at the end of my tether and don't know what to do next.
Thanks in advance.
Joshua's (exhausted) mummy
