Nearly 2 - taking ages to fall asleep - can I have some help?

[squeaky's mum]

Hi There,

Ladies I need to call on your help once again. I still haven't managed to crack Sophie's sleeping and our latest problem is starting to take its toll on me and dh.

The main problem is Sophie is taking about an hour to fall asleep, during which, I am lying on the floor with her trying to 'help'. It has taken her as long as 2 hours before! The other problem is early wakings, but I am not so worried about these. Although both together does compound the problems a little.

Our routine is -

5-6 am wake
7am breakfast
11am early lunch
11.30am nap (2 hours)
1.30pm snack
3pm snack
5pm tea
5-6 - quiet play
6pm start bedtime routine (bath/nappy/brush teeth)
6.30ish - go upstairs for stories (about 20mins worth)
Cuddle, night night, Mummy loves you, then into cot & lights off.

An important point - we moved house just over a month a go and her bedtime has been much worse since.
I have also started paying a story CD of bedtime CD when we turn the lights off. I don't think it makes much difference to Sophie but it helps me with the monotony of lying there with her.

I am desperate to get out of these extensive bedtime routines but I have never done any sleep training. I want to go down the gradual withdrawl route, but seeing as she is not able to go to sleep easily even with me there leaves me a little despondent.

She goes down for her nap like a dream, I only wish the same would happen at bedtime.

I am convinced that she doesn't take teething well and we currently waiting on her 4th eye tooth, but if I'm honest with myself I can't explain all her sleeping problems away on teething.

She does generally sleep through the night now.

I really need some of your words of wisdom! Having lived with this sleep problem for about 6 weeks and generally hoping that it will go away (as most things do) I am suffering a big lack of confidence in my own judgement. Dh keeps throwing ideas at me left, right and centre and I don't know where to start.

Big thanks in advance

Claire and Sophie

[RachelC]

Hi Claire.  {{{{Hugs}}}}

Maybe try moving bed time a bit earlier to aim for a 12 hour day.  Being that her nap is so early, she may be having too much A time in the afternoon and be a bit overtired before bed (then causing the earlier wake up).

What happens if you leave the room?  Maybe you want to give wi/wo a try and see what happens.  I am totally ok with my girls playing before they fall asleep (in bed... and ok, just my 21 month old  my 5 year old just tells stories to herself).  Sophie and Jalyn are a month apart (can't believe you called her "nearly 2"  ) and wi/wo has been my saving grace.

[Layla]

I agree about nap time & if your presence is not helping her go to sleep, then I would do wi/wo instead. If she's quietly playing though then just leave her and only go in if she starts crying.

Is the CD on when the lights are off? Sorry I didn't get that part. If yes, I would swtich it off cause it could be stimulating her rather than soothing her. I would do books, songs, etc... during windonw and then lights off & leave.

Let us know how it goes
 

[squeaky's mum]

Thank you for you advice.

Can I ask - is the daytime nap better later in the day, rather than earlier? Given her early waking time what time of day would you recommend as a nap time? She has never slept the average no of hours for her age, right from being a little baby.

I think we will try putting her to bed 1/2 h earlier for the next 4-5 days to see if it helps. Will also keep the stereo off. The reason we started using this was because our last house was really noisy and this one is in the middle of the countryside, so very quiet, and we wondered if this was why she was finding it so much harder to get to sleep.

I will stay in there for now.

The other thing to change is dh will start putting her to bed. It was always my job as I bf her before bed, but I haven't done that for nearly a month, so dh can take over a bit.

Thanks again

Claire

[Layla]

I think its better to have the nap in the middle of the day so that her A times are more evened out. Try the earlier bedtime (say 6-6.30) so that she catches up on sleep. Once she is better rested you can start pushing her whole day forward by pushing her nap to noon and bedtime to 7pm with hopefully a 6ish wake up time. I would wait about 3-4 days before changing things.... that is waiting to see of any improvements.

DH can certainly take over. Just as long as you both are doing the same thing

Let us know how it goes
 

[squeaky's mum]

Last night was interesting !!!

I put Sophie to bed about 15-20mins earlier than normal. We did our normal wind down routine, except when we got to our last stories she put them on the floor, I gave her a cuddle and she asked to be put in her cot. I lay her down, tucked her in and then said a few words to her. She cut me off, asking for the light to be turned off. I didn't put the CD on and she was asleep and I was out of there by 10 mins to 7. I have never been down this early since we moved to this house.

So all good news. The other main difference is that her last eye tooth came through during the day yesterday.

I'm now experienced enough at this to know to take the good nights when I can because it probably won't last. But I will keep going with the early and quiet bedtimes and see what happens.

Thanks for your advice.

Claire

[Layla]

Thats great to hear Claire. I hope she sleeps well tonight and hopefully sleeps past 5am in the morning

 

[RachelC]

Great news!  How did she do this morning?

[squeaky's mum]

She woke at 5.20 this morning, could be better, but definately could be worse.

Definately going with the earlier bedtime for now and a quiet bedroom seems to be better too.

Tonight I had lots of loud crying for a while and she took 40mins to go completely to sleep. She had to nap in the car on the way back from somewhere today, so not ideal, will be the same tomorrow. I will be using Thursday, Friday and the weekend to get lots of sleep into her and see what improvement can be made.

Thanks you very much for your support.

Claire

[squeaky's mum]

Hi Guys,

I wonder whether I could call on you again. I am steadily going mad here!

Things are not getting any better with Sophie.

Over the last 3 days I have been making sure that Sophie is getting her naps in the middle of the day (she has been sleeping for 2h) then going to bed just over 12 hours after she woke up. Dh put her to bed last night and it was wonderful for me (I went for a lovely walk, potted some plants etc., realised what I have been missing these past 2 years!!) but she was really really upset that I didn't put her to bed and dh ended up holding her to sleep. She then wanted the same tonight and got really upset when I put her in the cot. The last couple of nights she has woken twice too and simply won't let me out of her room.

Additionally since we moved she has been really really clingy to me when we are out and when I take her to the creche (once a week for an hour) and seemingly when I put her to bed.

I have had enough of bedtimes. I don't feel I can do it any more. I was with her for 2 hours tonight and dh has ended up with her as I couldn't stop crying with her . But I am really worried that WI/WO will just increase her anxiety at the moment. I so badly want to do the right thing by her, she is my little treasure, but I can't go on the way things are.

The way I see it is I have 2 major issues - separation anxiety and not being able to go to sleep independently. On the separation anxiety, I can't see what else I can do. I am a SAHM and spend all day, every day with her except the odd hour when dh is looking after her at home or she is at the creche (which is only once a week for and hour anyway). People tell me she is just trying it on, to get my attention, what toddler wouldn't love their Mums attention 100% of the time? They say what I need to do is just leave her and she'll get used to it soon enough. But Tracey's words keep ringing in my ears - accept your child for who they are, don't force them into situations they aren't happy with. I am completely at a loss for what to do.

I need to come up with a plan of action that will help Sophie to be happy with either me or her dad putting her to bed. And one that will help her learn to go to sleep independently. As you can tell, I'm stumped 

Thank you for listening, I'm sorry its been a bit of a ramble but I had to get it all down. Any advice you can give me will be very readily received.

Claire

[Layla]

People tell me she is just trying it on, to get my attention, what toddler wouldn't love their Mums attention 100% of the time? They say what I need to do is just leave her and she'll get used to it soon enough. But Tracey's words keep ringing in my ears - accept your child for who they are, don't force them into situations they aren't happy with. I am completely at a loss for what to do.

Leaving her will not do anyone any good. If she's going through SA, her anxiety will increase if she's left to deal with it on her own. Keep doing what you are doing, spend as much time as you can with her, give her lots of cuddles and kisses, lots of reassurance. Spend a little more time doing the windown routine. This is just a phase and it will pass. Jasmine is going through another bout of SA and its really hard. I have to carry her even when I'm in the toilet (as gross as that sounds). She will not let me out of her sight. Its tears all the way. When I'm in the shower, she is on the other side of the glass, banging and crying. So its a quick in and out.

If you aren't comfortable with the wi/wo method, then try GW again. Put a matress in her room and if she's up at night, reassure her that you're there so that she returns to sleep promptly. But if you are finding that she is playing and its taking her AGES to fall asleep, I would personally do wi/wo. I understand your concern but you are not leaving her alone & for long periods of time & you keep coming back until she stops crying & falls asleep so her anxiety should not be increased. You are coming back and at the sae time giving her a message that its sleep time and she needs to go to sleep.


hth & let me know how tonight goes
Layla

[RachelC]

{{{{hugs}}}} Claire.  I truly believe in wi/wo.  You don't leave her crying, you settle her, walk out.  If she starts crying, count to 5 (start small), go back and settle her (again not crying) and repeat.  It will take time, but if you start, you need to see it through and be totally consistent (dh too, in case you go pot some plants again  )  It's hard, very hard, but you will need to start somewhere