Author Topic: Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake  (Read 1443 times)

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Offline vibespright

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Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake
« on: August 03, 2007, 06:32:53 am »
Hi,

This is my first time posting and I'm hoping someone can help me get on the right path. I think it might be a novel, too. Sorry about this! I've read many posts that address this to some degree but right now I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and I have no idea where to start. I have a 3.5 month DS who refuses to nap on his own and needs my breast to fall asleep. When he does sleep it's never longer than 45 minutes. I figured I could post in props, EASY or here, but opted to start here. :)

I'm just not sure where to begin with a fix! Sadly, I have to admit I read BW before I had Zander but forgot everything shortly after he was born (about 2 minutes after). By 3 weeks he started displaying colicky symptoms and by 5 weeks he was diagnosed with acid reflux. He cried, wailed and raged for 3-4 hours a day. I didn't care about any routine, I just wanted some semblance of sanity so I did whatever it took to get him to sleep.

Needless to say, I have undoubtedly created a slew of issues with him that I'm at a loss on how to begin to fix. Now I'd characterize him as a Spirited/Textbook baby. He loves baths and swimming, but hates naps!

His schedule is something like this:

7:30 wake
7:40 eat
8:00-8:45 activity (low-key and in my bed)
8:45-10:30 sleeps (falls asleep on own, but requires a shh-pat to keep asleep past 45 min)
10:30 eat
10:45-12 activity
12-2 nap - attempted. After an hour of fighting with him and his high pitched inconsolable wail, I give in and give him the breast so he'll nap from 1-1:45)
1:45 eat
2-2:30 activity - which is anything I can do to keep his crankiness at bay. I become the house-jester.
2:30-3:45 nap -attempted. see above
3:45 eat
4-5:30 activity
5:30 another attempted nap
6:30 eat
7:30 bath
8:00 bed - bed time is no problem but he goes to sleep with the breast. He typically sleeps until 4 am for a feed and then wakes up between 6-8

I've tried pu/pd, I've tried shortening his activity time, and am watching his tired cues like a hawk. But given the first yawn or eye rub (MAYBE 45 minutes after he wakes from his morning nap) I race us into his room for winding down. We change his diaper, rock in the chair, and read a book. He's all good until I lay him down at which point he starts whimpering. I pat and shh but no matter how long I do it (1.5 hours today) he ends up melting down and going absolutely MENTAL. He turns purple and goes completely rigid he cries so hard. Once he goes there the only thing I've found is the breast to get him out of it. When we swaddle, it just sends him into meltdown even faster.

I'm not sure if I'm just giving up to easy or what. all I know is I'm emotionally exhausted. He's SO great in the morning and an hour past his first nap, but by 2pm I'm spent. I'm getting close to my own meltdown and would sure appreciate any love, thoughts, or advice anyone out there can give.

Thanks!

NoelleChristine

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Re: Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2007, 13:55:16 pm »
Let me just first tell you it really sounds like you're doing a great job!  This stuff is hard and I hear you when you say you're overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted...you're not alone. 

I'm no expert so I hope others will post too but your schedule looks great and it's wonderful that he goes to bed and sleeps so well at night.  Thank God for small blessings huh!

I know that I've read in a post, I think it's in the FAQ's, about pat and shush and the advice was to pat-shush or pu/pd for 40 minutes and then have a break, maybe change his diaper, rock him, I've put my DS in the swing for a few minutes since he loves it just as long as it's mellow and low key, and then start the whole process over again up till the next feed.  Then, because his nap was either short, or non-existant, the next activity time will be very short and low key again. 

I'm not sure how long you've been at this but hang in there this takes time.  Again...you're doing a great job!  :)   

Offline vibespright

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Losing my mind
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2007, 15:54:45 pm »
After another failed nap attempt (which is sad because mornings usually are good for us), I'm about to lose my mind. After he woke up (35 minutes after I put him down), I tried the shh/pat. Within 5 minutes  he was in a full out rage.

I'm not sure what to do. After a week of this I'm all out of patience and understanding. I'm so sad, too! As soon as I pick him up to console him he thrashes and screams, turns purple and goes rigid. I can hold him for 15 minutes that way and nothing calms him down.

He's in his room still crying and I'm here, writing this, because I'm sure my state right now won't help him. I'm irritated and confused and I'm so tired and uncertain about what to do next. This is definitely not the 'dream' I had before he was born.  :'(

Please help!

Offline mrsrobbo

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Re: Losing my mind
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2007, 15:58:08 pm »
im sorry things arent running smoothly for you. How old is he?



Offline vibespright

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Re: Losing my mind
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2007, 17:06:56 pm »
He's 3.5 month old. I'm trying to get him into a structure that our incoming nanny can take over (in 4 weeks) and he's beating me up. Does anyone have any advice? Is this rage/resentment about going to sleep "normal"?

Offline KathrynK

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Re: Losing my mind
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2007, 18:01:09 pm »
sorry you are having a rough time.
does he fall asleep independently for naps and at bedtime? or do you have to rock or bounce etc to get him to sleep?
 have you had a routine up till now? Generally fighting sleep like this means he is either really overtired and awake too long or undertired and needs more awake time. If you can post your normal routine we can try to help some more! xx
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Offline vibespright

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Re: Losing my mind
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2007, 21:43:51 pm »
Yes! I actually wrote a novel here: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=98703.0

:)

the last 3 days have been REALLY rough. Essentially I'm trying to get him to sleep in his own crib (for naps only - his bedtime routine/sleep is excellent), stop using the boob as a prop and get him to sleep past 45 minutes all at the same time. I'm guessing I should take it a step at a time, but I'm not sure in what order or how to go about it at all.

Any ideas?

Offline KathrynK

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Re: Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2007, 11:53:49 am »
hi there
I've merged your two topics as they're covering the same problem. It's helpful to keep all your replies in the same place so it doesn't get confusing!
I think the important thing to do is to get rid of the breast as  prop at sleep time. Once you have taught him how to fall asleep on his own everything else can be tackled- let's do the most important thing first.
I found a great link for you, which goes through a gentle removal plan, ie how to teach him to sleep without using your breast to do it. Here's the link:

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0

hopefully you will find that helpful- let us know how you get on xxxxx good luck!
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Offline EllenS

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Re: Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2007, 12:29:08 pm »
Just wanted to offer some support, and let you know - he is not screaming in rage or resentment, he's not capable of that - he's not mad at you, doesn't hate you.  He's just frustrated and confused - their emotions at this stage are more about their physical state (adrenaline, stimulation, etc)  than about what we know as thoughts & feelings.

Your baby loves you and wants to be well rested, but change is just hard.  It is absolutely normal for him to freak out when you take his prop away, especially if he has gotten overtired over the last several days.  Once he has developed his coping skills without the boob prop, things will get much better!

One possibility - have you tried modifying the pat/shush?  Our little one did not like the patting at that age- it was too stimulating for her.  She did much better with my hand just resting on her, the weight of my hand and arm (not pushing down, just lying limp).  Some babies like rubbing instead of patting.  Experimenting with this might help.

HUGS!  Hang in there, it's worth it!
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Offline mrsrobbo

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Re: Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2007, 21:14:25 pm »
i think all the advice you have been given so far is brill. we could never pat bradley either, we used to just lay a hand on him and rub.

i hope you are feeling better, you are doing a great job! hang in there, we are here if you need us!



Offline vibespright

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Re: Desperate FTM needs help with naps and every other mistake
« Reply #10 on: August 05, 2007, 21:27:55 pm »
Hi,

Thanks so much all. Your support is REALLY helping. Me at least. :) We're still trying to get to naps but every nap is a fight. I read the gentle removal posts and will definitely try that!

Now, this might sound like a silly question, but why does it matter that LO uses the prop to sleep? At this point, he's crying way more than he's sleeping as we attempt to get to naps, anyway. Yesterday, God bless him, after an hour's attempt at napping, we decided to go out for a bit so everyone could settle down. After strolling about for an hour - no nap. After mellow play and even bf in a dark room, no nap. In fact, as he was eating I was whispering to him how lovely a nap would be and *ping* his eyes went wide open. He stayed awake 5 hours before bedtime! What's more, he wasn't cranky. Just playing in his stroller or happily on the floor. He then slept from 7:30-4am.

Today again though, an hour's effort to get him to sleep for 45 minutes. And it was a fight the whole time with body racking wails. We are now on day 7 of this new routine with only moderate improvement. There is light at the end of this tunnel, right?