fixing bad sleep habit for 1 yr old

[angie&lane]

Hello,
It's been a while since I've posted, but I'm having some issues that need to be dealt with finally.  DS is 13 mos and we still put him to sleep in our laps before laying him in bed.  I need to switch him and teach him how to fall asleep on his own and was just in search of some encouragement and ideas before I begin.  I've read the BW books and Tracy's sleep interview, but I need a review and have loaned my books out to a friend.
As of now, our nap/bedtime routine is as follows: diaper change, swaddle, song, sit (still & quiet) in a chair until he falls asleep (with me he holds his lovie, with DH he doesn't.  DH thinks it's too distracting for him and takes longer to fall asleep).  This process used to take 5-10 minutes, but lately it's been more like 20 or 30, so I'm now desperate to get to the point where I can just lay him down and leave the room.  Any thoughts on how to do this?  I think I remember reading about the PD method (as opposed to PU/PD), but how long do I stay in the room?  Until he's asleep?  And when would I phase this part out and be able to leave the room while he's awake?  He has a lovie, as I mentioned, but I don't really have a method of soothing him.  Everything I try seems to just make matters worse.
So, those are my concerns.  Any thoughts on what to try, and any comments on what to expect from him at this age would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you! -Angie
p.s. forgot to mention that he's mostly a textbook baby, if that makes a difference.

[Layla]

There are several methods of teaching toddlers independant sleep. Here's the link: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0. You could try the gradual withdrawal method (since he is so dependant on you at the moment to fall asleep) & give that a few weeks to see if its working. Then move onto pd or wi/wo method.

Could you also tell me what his daytime shcedule looks like. Around this age they start making the transition towards 1 nap so he could be taking alot longer to fall asleep becuase he is not tired enough (too much daytime sleep).


hth
Layla

[angie&lane]

Thanks for the reply and the link on the different methods.

Several weeks ago I tried dropping to 1 nap, but it didn't work out so well, probably mostly because he kept falling asleep in the car whenever I needed to go anywhere (so partly my fault).  I switched him back to 2 naps and he did great on that for a while, until this last week or 2.  Anyway, here is his current schedule:

7:30   wake, cup of milk, play
9:00   breakfast, play
10:30  sleep
11:30  wake & play
1:00   lunch (sometimes I give a snack beforehand, but not consistent), play
3:30   sleep
4:30   wake & play
6:00   dinner (again, sometimes a snack, sometimes not), play
8:30   cup of milk
9:00   to bed

Of course there are deviations from the schedule.  Occasionally he'll take 2 hour naps instead of 1, but not often.  I love those days! 

The other issue I'm facing right now is that for the last 4 or 5 nights he's woken up at almost exactly the same time each night (about 12:40) and it takes about 1/2 hour to put him back down (it used to take about 5 min to put him back down at night waking).

Thanks for your help - any input is valued, and I will start getting ready to try the gradual withdrawal.  Is it okay to start GW at the same time that I try to drop a nap, or should I wait until he's o.k. with his new schedule?

Thanks, Angie

[Layla]

Ok, this is the kind of schedule I would recommend:

7.30 - wake, milk,play
9:00 - breakfast, play
10.30-11:15 - morning nap (wake him up at 45mins)
11:15 - wake & play
12pm - snack
1pm - lunch, play
2:30 - afternoon nap
4pm - afternoon nap ends
5pm - snack
6pm - dinner
6:30-7 - start bedtime routine
7.30-8pm - milk & bedtime

Start cutting the morning nap, rather than throwing him into 1 nap. By shortening the morning nap, you bring the afternoon nap up as well as bedtime. I think at the moment bedtime is a little late so he is probably fighting you becuase he is overtired. He really needs to have a longer night - at least 10.5-11hrs.

hth

[angie&lane]

This definitely helps a ton.  I'll give the new schedule a try and let you know how it goes.  He is getting 10-1/2 hours, but maybe that isn't enough.  And I think last I tried 1 nap, I went cold turkey, so this will probably be much better for him.  Thank you! 

Questions: is it okay to adjust the schedule at the same time as doing the GW method for independent sleep, or should I wait until he's used to the new schedule before starting that?
With the GW method, do I just do this at night (staying in his room)?  What should I do for naps?

Thanks again, Angie

[angie&lane]

Hi Layla,
I just wanted to update you on our progress.  I haven't done much with the schedule yet, but we're doing much better with the independent sleep.  I haven't had to sleep in his room yet (didn't try it first because we don't have an extra mattress right now).  I started with a combination of PD and WI/WO (going in & out as a last resort when he wouldn't lie down).  I stay in the room standing next to his crib until he's asleep, but don't help him at all unless he's crying (then I soothe him with rubbing his tummy or back, which he now likes).  Am I doing okay?  It seems to be working.  The first day it took 2 hours for him to fall asleep at both naptimes.  Several times since then he's been out within 5 minutes.  The length of nap varies still, but I figured we're still working out the kinks.  I'm planning to slowly work my way out of his room after laying him down.  Over how long of a timeframe should I spread this out (moving chair closer to door, then out the door w/ door open, then completely out)?  Is it 3 days at each interval?  Or do I wait until he's comfortable with each one before moving to the next?  Thanks for your help, and I'll update you with schedule improvements when I get that more under control.
-Angie

[Layla]

Hey Angie - I would think every 3 days is ok. I think you are doing great! Eventually you'll get to the door & then do some wi/wo... something like "mummy will be back soon to check on you" & leave him. He might fall asleep or he might cry out & then you could come back to calm him & say the same thing & leave. Sort of like wi/wo.

Thanks for the update