Settling the overtired baby?

[KLT001]

My DD is 3months and often gets overtired if I miss that window of opportunity for sleep. This may happen if Im out and a little late getting back for a nap or simply in the morning when she seems to not show tired signs but must have played in her cot early morning. 7 times out of 10 I seem to get her to sleep with little fuss, however sometimes she gets herself so worked up she wont go to sleep.

I have tried the method of helping her to settle using sh.sh.sh maybe a pat or two, however she screams even worse. (touchy baby). If I pick her up in this siutation she still cries and rubs her eyes because all she wants to do is sleep. I just cant seem to settle her. The only way she will sleep is by eventually crying until she just gets too tired to cry anymore, which i feel terrible about because I hate the idea of 'controlled crying'.

If she doesnt settle using the re-settling techniques, what is left to do without always letting her cry-it-out? Her cry makes me feel so guilty for letting her get so tired, but she has such a small window, that it is easy to miss.

She is currently only staying up 1.5hrs at a time and sometimes earlier if she shows tired signs.

Sometimes I get her to bed at exactly the right time as she doesnt cry at all and goes of to sleep with no fuss, its just so difficult to find the correct time everytime.

Any suggestions, as I feel awful

[vadensmommy]

I've always found it easier to just avoid the OT all the way around.  It can be really hard in the early days when they seem to need a nap every time you turn around, but it does get easier as they get older and can manage more A time.  Maybe some others will have some good tips for calming the OT baby

[EllenS]

I think 7 out of 10 is pretty good.  Babies will cry sometimes, it's just frustrating for them not being able to go to sleep.  If she were not crying trying to go to sleep, she'd be having a meltdown from not being given the opportunity to nap regularly.

Shh pat can be stimulating for some babies, have you tried modifying your technique?  My lo did not like patting, she prefers just having a hand resting on her back or chest.  Some like gentle rubbing instead of patting. 

Don't feel guilty - we all miss the window sometimes - sometimes it is unavoidable, sometimes we just misjudge it.  There is no such thing as a "perfect" robo-parent.  You are taking good care of your lo and meeting her needs as best you can.  And you know what?  Sometimes you will do everything "perfectly", catch the timing just right, do the techniques just right, and the baby will cry anyway, because she's having existential angst or something that you can't understand and can't fix.  It feels awful, but sometimes all you can do is just be there with her, be a presence, with some physical contact, so she knows she is not abandoned.

That's the difference between BW and Cry-it-out. You don't leave the baby alone in distress.  Sometimes you can't fix it, but you can be there.  It's painful but good preparation for being a parent, because someday your child will be hurt physically or emotionally in a way you couldn't prevent and can't fix, and all you can do is just be there and love her.

Hugs!

[em_here]

I agree with Helen, don't feel guilty please and 7 out of 10 times is good!  To settle my OT babe I darken her room, and do a windown with cuddles and a little rocking until she looks calmer and sleepier, then I put her down awake, put music on (little winnie the pooh thing), and she is generally ok then.

Shh/pat is stimulating to some babies so if you feel this is the case then avoid it.  Is she swaddled at all, this is a good calming method, though of course, by about 4 months they may not be so keen on it and wriggle out!

[vadensmommy]

I love the "existential angst"  I think that is a great way to describe some of those unexplained crying spells!  I'll have to use that term in the future 

[EllenS]

Yes, I try SOOO hard to keep the baby from reading Sartre, but sometimes I can tell she's been into it behind my back.   

[KLT001]

Hi,

Thanks for your advice. I seriously thinking that my presence in the room is what is creating the problem. I do enter the room after about 5 min to let her know Im around and to comfort her, but her scream gets louder and angrier. I have found that if im not in the room, then she cries for less time, than if I were. I tried the modifying the technique but she still knows Im there, which seems to be the problem. It seems that she is not after comforting from me as I agree this is stimulating her, but she wants me to magically get her to sleep.

Unfortunately she doesnt understand yet that its her job to go to sleep as she is so young. Sometimes I wonder if she is overtired or not tired enough as some people have told me that she needs to be tired enough to have a good sleep not only a bit tired to nap??

Im still trying to work out her tired signs at this stage, but she just seems to have a small window that if I dont catch, then I end up with a crying baby.

Might sound a silly question, but do all other babies cry to nap? It seems as if this is normal as it would be too perfect for her to go to sleep without crying everytime. Maybe its the style of baby I have also (touchy baby)

[em_here]

My DD is very touchy and spirited and she does not like me in the room once I have put her down.  All she wants is to be left alone with her dummy! Some babies find it hard when mummy is there because they get mad as they want you to pick them up!  My DD is the opposite she actually wants to be left alone!

[EllenS]

My lo goes down to sleep without crying about 7 or 8 times out of 10, unless we've had a wierd day (too much company, too much out & about, etc), and then we may have crying every nap/sleep for a day or so.  She is pretty much textbook with a little Angel.