2.5 year old is 'scared' to go to sleep now

[BeccaK]

Hello,
This is my actual first post on this site but I am always visiting! I am an avid BW fan
and have used Tracy's techniques with both my children.
My eldest daughter (2.5) has always been a really good sleeper, settling herself to sleep from 8 weeks, we have had the occasional cry out in the night but she has always gone to sleep on her own. A couple of weeks ago she had 2 hours of crying out in the night and eventually got back to sleep after I kept going in to reassure her. Since then she refuses to go to sleep unless I or husband sit with her, I sit on a chair in the dark and leave when she is asleep, she may wake in the night and we have to go through the same thing.

She talks about not liking something on her wall and it appears she had  a nightmare and has lost her confidence on how to fall asleep alone.
I don’t actually know now whether she is afraid any longer or just ‘playing me’ I don’t want to try WI/WO if she really is scared but I would like to nip this in the bud.

Not sure what the next stage should be should I keep moving the chair to the door.

[em_here]

}}}}}}}}}}}Hugs{{{{{{{{{{{ Am no expert in the techniques with toddlers, but is it possible you can see what she dislikes on the wall and remove it?

[woopster]

Which wall?  Is there a window nearby?  Could that be throwing shadows on the wall?  What about putting a poster there, something she chooses?  Does she have a nightlight?

[Caroline-Charlies Mummy]

Hello

I just wanted to draw your attention to this thread of mine, as the stories sound soooooo similar https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=99054.0. I wonder if it's an age thing?

[BeccaK]

The wall thing I should have mentioned a bit more detail, she tells me a little blue man was on her wall (from what I can gather it's a nightmare related to..Teletubbies of all things!?) so I don't think it is a shadow.
Charlie's Mummy, thanks ever so much for that thread it appears to be a very similar situation, it's so frustrating isn't it, we've come this far and they have done so well.

I think it is the fear of it being like this 'forever'  that's the worse bit. If someone said OK, it will last a month it would be a pain but at least we know it will stop.

At least my 5 month old sleeps through the whole thing!

[Mum to Ella Rose]

We're having this problem too. Will check out Caroline's thread. Thanks! 

Sharon

[Layla]

Becca - Isabella recently had a scare (an electric sander that next door neighbour was using). She was scared of her room & her cot so some of the things I did that helped:

* I spent a lot of time in her room (more than 1/2 of the day actually) & as soon as she would ask me about the sander I would validate her feelings & not make her think that her fears are silly, etc...

* Dh & I brought a sander into the house & dh used it to sand a piece of wood in front of her. She was not forced to watch (dh was in the garage) but she kept going in & out as she pleased. Not sure how you can apply this... can't really bring a tellytubby home

* I gave her control over the things she could & wanted to hear. I got her ear plugs but she didn't like to wear them so I told her she could cover her ears with her hands if she didn't like any particular sound. She still does this when something is very loud & she doesn't like hearing it... she will cover her ears & say "Bella don't like that noise" (this one was suggested to me by Kate & its been doing wonders). Again not sure how you could apply this as our fear was noise related... but then again who knows how she incorporated that noise into her dream since she had never seen a sander before

*I actually did spend the 1st 3 days sitting with her until she fell asleep because her fear was VERY real & she was totally petrified of her cot. I believe if I had been doing wi/wo from day 1, I would have caused more damage. You could tell she was very scared because she wouldn't even go into her room to start with & she was frightened of the smallest things & jump up & cry when I would put the tap on. What is your dd like during the day? Does she still watch the show & does she show anxiety-type behaviour when the blue t/t appears???

*I got her a little night light (one you can plug into socket) but she kept on insisting for me to leave the "big" light on & wanted the night light off. So I bought this amazing product from ebay (let me know if you are interested & I'll post the link). It only cost me $6.50 (incl postage - in Australia). You plug it into where the light bulb goes & then put the light bulb in & with the on-off switch the lights will either dim over 24mins or will go to straight dim (or you can have it all off or on to fullest brightness). So now there are no battles over the lights being on or off. I leave the lights on for her to fall asleep with (its very dim) & she has the control over it being the "big" light. I switch it off once she is asleep as she has woken up a few times at night & asked me to switch the lights off (weird how she wants them on to fall asleep with but off for the rest of the night).

*I also gave her a cross (its a children's cross with painting of farm, trees, animals rather than the crucifix). She also sleeps with her teddies & lovey & I talk about how much they all protect her at night when mummy is not around. & I put a picture of mummy & daddy on the chair where the cross is... for more security

* I got my dh to draw shapes of things on the cot & we spent a day painting her cot. This was LOTS of fun & this is on the same line of Wendy's suggestion - could you maybe paint the wall or put a poster of her fav cartoon character there instead (mine is obsessed with Dora so DH drew the monkey, Dora, the lot...)

*Finally (& this I was also told about on this site) you could get a spray & infront of her spray the room & tell her its special dust that keeps the telletubies away. I did this & also said "NO SANDERS ALLOWED IN THIS HOUSE" in a really serious voice when she would mention one.


Just some things that really did wonders for us. Mine has as a result of all this stopped napping but I think thats more stuborn than fear related. She is totally fine to go down at night & unlike at the start she no longer wakes at night fearfull & asking us to stay with her. So the way to get her napping now is to sleep with her in my bed (well I leave after 10mins or so).

I have no doubt the sander scared Isabella - like I said she would start crying when the tap was on & she would shake as soon as I mentioned sleep... Sometimes what can happen is that they get scared of something & then that fear spirals out of control & they CONVINCE themselves they are not safe without mummy/daddy. 3weeks later & she is not talking about the sander at all anymore... not napping consistently.... but sleeping ok at night .

hth
Layla

[BeccaK]

Hi Layla, Thanks for your reply some interesting ideas there, for the first couple of days she did seem to have a problem going in her room it seemed to be causing some anxiety, I did what you did and we played in her room a lot.
I don't actually think she is scared of the original thing now, she has just got used to us being there during the last week. Last night during bath I asked if a light on at night would help and she said "no" and then I said "how about a picture of Mummy and Daddy next to your bed"  - she liked that idea and was very pleased when it was waiting for her on her bedside table. I sat with her as I have for the last few days until she dropped off (5 mins), on the chair, about 8.30 husband and I were eating when we heard her cry I was just about to go up and sit with her when she stopped, she also gave a couple of cries during the night but again stopped and this morning at 7 woke up and got out of bed without crying, I'm keeping my fingers really crossed here but all of that seems a good sign.

You say you sat with Isabella for the first 3 nights, just wondered what you did then and was she ok, based on last night I'm wondering whether I should just go for it and leave the room as I used to?

[Layla]

To be honest Isabella cried alot still at nap & bedtime after the 3rd night but the problem I had was that Jasmine was basically plonked in front of the tv while I was waiting for Isabella to fall asleep & then everything had to be rushed with #2 so I ended up doing wi/wo. Also I made Isabella's bedtime routine super long & it was all done in her room so I was away for a good hour (away from #2) & I couldn't really incorporate Jasmine into the routine (Isabella gets quiet annoyed with her little sister sometimes).

I kinda sussed out the extent of her fear during the day & because she seemed to have been ok with noises & even played with the sander in our backyard... I thought she would have been ready for indep-type sleep. BTW before any of this... she was an excellent sleeper (like yours) & I could count the amount of times I had done wi/wo on 1 hand. So basically I was doing wi/wo & Jasmine was in her high chair right outside the bedroom door....so I was able to feed her dinner at the same time (it was all quiet chaotic) . I was taking a risk though.... I could had made things worse but thankfully things turned out ok. Actually in our case naps were alot more affected & I think it was because the sander was working all day long (outside her window) & maybe she associated the noise with daytime sleep rather than night time sleep...

I'm babbling again.... I think its an excellent sign that she was able to self settle last night. You could if you wanted to keep going with GW...are you moving towards the door at all? How far are you at the moment? Usually with GW you would get to the door & then you could tell her you are right outside the door (you can even keep the door slightly open). Ultimately what you would do is give her a kiss & tell her you'll be back to check on her... & actually come back so the trust is there. In time you would increase that time... so still come back but take a little longer.


Edit to add - sorry I wanted to correct myself. I actually did GW for almost a week ... so a little longer than 3 days.

Also wanted to add that another thing which made me think she was "ok" to go ahead with wi/wo was her waking in the morning & NOT crying (whereas at the start she was shrieking with fear & wanted to be out of the cot the second she would open her eyes) & at night she would wake... murmur a few words & get back to sleep.... so that together with her behavior during the day made me think she was ok to start falling asleep without me in the room