Out of cot & PEAR SHAPED!!!! HELP!

[bsparki73]

Hi all!
I haven't been to these boards for ages because things have been great both with Oscar (nearly 2 & 1/2) & Noah (nearly 9 months).....I've always followed BW advice for sleeping issues & Oscar has had several goes with PU/PD & then PD and he's been a great sleeper because of it. He has never slept with us, always in his cot & until he worked out how to climb out of it a few weeks ago (in Grobag & all!), he was happily having a 2 hour nap & 12 hours at night (rarely waking).

At the same time he's always tried to fight going off to sleep & I've spent many hours singing/shh patt/PU/PD etc etc but he desperately needs it too. He doesn't cope with tiredness, especially overtiredness well AT ALL. He's a textbook child...as soon as he gets overtired (misses a nap etc.), no question he will start to be unsettled during the night etc etc. I've always then put him down earlier rather than later & (sometimes 5.30pm!)....& just as Tracy says, he will sleep longer & not wake until 6.30-7am!

Well all this went out the window when we realised we couldn't contain him in the cot anymore. With Oscar, the containment helped enourmously because he would just have no other choice than to lie down & sleep (eventually sometimes!). He could fight it, but had no choice. Well hasn't that changed now!!!

He's currently on a mattress on the floor while we wait for his big bed on order. For 2 weeks I kept persisting with his nap & putting him down but he went most of the first 2 weeks with no nap & just got himself so overtired it was cruel to see! Then he started going down & still today he will but he'll often end up asleep on the rug behind his door. We've had to take everything (toys) out of his room so it's as boring as possible so he will have more chance of going to sleep. Locks on drawers etc...he's into EVERYTHING & isn't the sort of little boy who is going to stay in his bed, stay in his room...all he wants is to be out with us or us in there with him etc etc...he's into drawers, shelves, pulls out night lights the whole lot!


We've always closed his door & had a monitor so I don't see any need to start opening it now?

Anyway, it didn't help that amongst all this we had a week away interstate where he slept on a mattress on the floor & sometimes my husband ended up in the bed/room with him (I know I know this is where it all started but the room wasn't child proof etc!!!!). But then we said to him this is only because we're away from home & you're getting used to being out of your cot etc & when we get home you have to do it on your own (it was probably only 2 nights of the whole week that my DH went in).

For the first few days home it was fine but he was still reeling from weeks of not great sleep & overtiredness & each time we'd say good night after the routine he'd just go crazy, want us to read more, more bottle, sit in the chair, lie on the pillow etc & end up at the door whining/crying etc etc & then fall asleep at the door (this would happen for day naps too). In the day we leave him there (the rug is quite comfy & thick at least!) but at night we would then go in & put him into bed.

THEN 3 nights ago he woke at 11pm, went straight to the door & started this continual whining (not stressed, fearful or anything.......just mumeeeeeeeee, dadeeeeeee, out big room, open door etc etc) but really LOUDLY under the gap at the bottom of the door....& was awake for 3 HOURS! We kept putting him back to bed, calming him etc etc...we didn't want him to wake Noah. Eventually he went off (without either of us on his bed but after going in several times to calm him, tell him it's sleep time, no we don't sleep with Oscar we sleep in our room etc). Next night it was 1 & 1/2 hours & last night I was so tired & stressed I Just couldn't lose anymore sleep (i'm unwell too) so my DH went straight in & settled him by sitting next to the bed until Oscar went back to sleep.

I know we have to do 'boot camp' as we call it. We've decided we're not going to do it full on right now because we're away again next week but once back we will. My question is do we just leave him (not go in at all).....because it does seem to be a big attention thing & I know we're creating a rod for our own backs by going in at all because that's what he wants? I guess if we just went in, put him back to bed, no attention/talking, firm 'it's sleep time' that could work too.....but at his age now if it's just whining not stressed should we just leave him?

Any advice would be great sorry for the long story!!! This has just hit us hard & I'm so emotionally & physically stressed & exausted by it!

If we had 'crib tents' in Australia I think I would've got one just so he was a little older with a little more reason when he had the new found freedom of 'out of cot'!

Sophie :-)

[Two mummies]

I wish I had some answers but at the moment all I can offer is sympathy!

We are about to tranistion Riley to the big girl bed (26 months) but I am dreading it. We took the side off her cot to simulate big girl bed and put it back 48 hours later!!!! Unless we sat on the floor beside her bed she would not settle and would continually get out of bed, in fact she was climbing out before we even made it out the door at night!

So far the advice we have recieved includes tying the door shut so she falls asleep in the room and eventually is supposed to figure out that falling asleep in your bed is better. We have never been door shutters but are toying with the idea of putting a baby gate on her door. So same principal as you guys are trying with your little one. But toddlers are stubborn and I can't see herself figuring out staying in bed and falling asleep is a good idea and I fear the over tiredness you are now experiencing!

We are also, like you, afraid of accidental parenting and finding ourselves with a toddler that can't get to sleep without a Mummy sitting beside her! Given that we both worked so hard to get BW working so they can fall asleep by themselves it seems like a big sin!

Anyhoo I am still not 100% certain how we are going to tackle it. Riley sleeps successfully on a mat at daycare all by herself but we've never tried that at home.

All I can think is that we are going to have to try the 'boot camp' approach you talk about and write off a week or two of our evenings and persist with WI/WO with put toddler back into bed sandwhiched firmly in the middle!

Soph

[MDHmommy]

Well...if the first night was 3 hours, and the second was 1.5 - I'd say that's PROGRESS!!! LOL...but seriously, it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Keep it boring and firm. Keep putting him back to bed, and don't mess around with extra stories, songs, whatever, and as long as you're super consistent, he'll get the hang of it.
Hopefully the third night was even better?

[bsparki73]

I hear you Soph! But I do have promising news.....yesterday firstly he had a good 1 & 1/2 hour nap during the day & we started bedtime routine early so lights out at 6pm because I knew he needed to catch up & he came to the door once, I put him back & pushed his aquarium on...I'd moved his room around a bit & taken out the bookshelves so it's pretty basic in there now....not much to distract him! It was the first time when I got up to leave that he didn't follow me to the door...stayed in bed & asleep at 6pm! He stirred 45 mins later (as he does when overtired!) but I heard him turn the aquarium on again & then he went back to sleep! Until 7am this morning!!!

So I think it is just consistency & stick with it. I was hoping that it was only the overtiredness that had caused him to wake the last 3 nights but was worried it was going to continue....fingers crossed we're back on track???

It's been a rough few weeks though!!

Thanks for your replies and Soph I do think making the room totally childproof so you can put them in there (with door shut or gate) & not worry & just leave them....or combine that with going in, no attention, putting back to bed. I pushed the floor rug right up to the door so if he did fall asleep there it was comfortable. But we now talk a lot about how the bed is nice & comfy & better than the floor etc! Good luck with it too!

Soph :-)

[Two mummies]

Great to hear you've had some success! We hadn't even thought about moving the toys and stuff out. She's basically a book fiend but will find it hard to read in the dark!!!!

4 weeks until the bed arrives!!!!

Will let everyone know how we get on.

Cheers
Soph