How do you go about finding your toddler's "ideal" nap and bedtime??

[catonss]

Well, i have posted on this board a few times about my 2 1/2 year old DD (31 months)...still needing some help and thought i'd try another question to see if it can prompt some discussion. 

We've been dealing for the last 3 months w/ night wakings, and early wake-ups (6 am).  So we've been putting her down around 6:30-6:45 pm to make up for loss of sleep during these times (maybe not early enough??).  Her bedtime used to be 7:30 and she'd sleep until 6:30, with a 1.5 hr nap around 12:30.  There have been a few weeks here and there where she seems to be back on track, and something throws her off.

I just can't seem to crack this code!  We have had one big overtired summer.  And really, when i think about it, things have never felt like a "well oiled machine" these last 6 months since she dropped her morning nap (which was later than most, around 2 years).  She has always seemed to need more sleep than others.  Since the switch to one nap,  I have never felt like i know when the best time to lay her down for a nap is.  Doesn't seem to make a difference earlier or later, but maybe i haven't tried anything long enough to tell.  Some of you have suggested no more than 5.5 hours of A time - with a 6 am wake up lately, i've been trying to get her down at 11:30, but it is HARD!  And, many naps during these bad times have only been 50 minutes.  Is this a "crash" nap b/c of stress and overtired?  Or is this a ready to give up nap sign?  I know with babies 30 minute naps mean overtired, 45 minute naps mean undertired, ready to stretch out A time.  Is there any guideline like this for older toddlers that you know of? 

I feel like i don't even know where to start to find a good schedule for her.  All we've been doing is trying to help her make up for lost sleep from the day before...but this is now our norm.  I can't help but wonder if i tried something totally different - like put her to bed at 8 pm or something, that we'd find the solution, you know?  But i'm so scared to even put her to bed past 7 b/c i don't want to make it worse! 

There has been some anxiety involved - she's showing herself to be a sensitive child.  We've been actively addressing this and working hard to combat stress.  But she seems to come up with it on her own.  Fighting our loving routine with her fussing and grumping, etc.  probably normal 2's stuff...but take our help, good grief, you know?  We've also implemented a routine that we follow to a "t" every time.  But she tries to pull out all the stops and get us to do "one more thing" - we've had to be very smart about things - one slip and we're gone!

Well, any help would be great....i have learned some from reading your posts too.  Just a tough age, isn't it???  This too shall pass!!!!?!?!?

Sarah

[newmaze]

i'd love to hear some responses, too.  I am switching to 1 nap, so way behind you on this, but I, too, can't find the "right" time.  Hope you get some help...

[andibig]

2 yrs old -independence.yep we have that too .well i suppose its the age where they need a lot less from mummy.want to try everything, do everything themselves.I swear sasha has selective deafness sometimes and doesn't hear me when she doesn't want to-LOL!

its difficult finding that magic time.Sasha nap has always been at 12.30,sometimes twelve if shes woken up earlier.but her awake time is around 5-5.5hrs.she can do much longer in the PM.

that siad some toddlers need a longer AM than PM.so i suppose its  case of trying a nap time for at least a week and if that doesn't work either moving later or earlier.
HTH

[catonss]

They do call it "terrible 2's" for a reason, i guess!

That does help.  I guess I never have tried an earlier nap consistetly.  When she dropped her morning nap, i remember feeling like the goal was to get the one nap to be around 12:30-1.  But I guess I don't know why...because that's what you hear from out there, that's the "normal" nap time?  So for the last 6 months, she has had her longer A time in the morning.  But before that, when she had 2 naps, she needed a very short A time b/f that first nap.  So who knows....maybe i need to try that. 

Again, it's so hard to set aside the overtired thing we have going on to see what's normal for us.  I guess if she went back to her normal 6:30-6:45 wake up, 5-5.5 hrs after that would be 12 - that's not so crazy early.  She has been going right to sleep when i've put her down earlier these last few days.  Just not sleeping real long.  But again, that could be from being overtired.....

Thanks for the thoughts...

[Layla]

Well mine is no longer napping consistently & she is slightly younger than your dd. But up until 2.5 weeks ago, she was consistently going down around 12.30 pm. Sometimes she would ask for a nap earlier so it would be closer to 12pm... but not that much earlier & never later (unless she would play in her cot & fall asleep later... which only happened a number of times). She wakes around 6am so her A time was close to 6.5hrs. Thats a fairly long stretch but she managed it well & any earlier she would wake up to start the day earlier... so it worked well for us. She now goes to bed at 6 (on days there are no naps). 6.30pm (on days she has a 45min nap) & about 7pm (on days she takes a nap... but she's usually asleep by 7.30pm)

hth
Layla

[catonss]

Layla,

I have been following your replies on many posts on this board.  Your theme seems to be earlier nap and bedtimes - and it makes sense to me.  Until now, i haven't tried a much earlier nap time, just an earlier bedtime.  So i'm hoping this works.
 
Last night she woke at different times than usual.  I don't know if that's the reason, maybe somehow her pattern got thrown off, but she slept until 7.  And it made a big difference.  I got her down by 12:30 for a nap, and it was 1 hr 20 mins!!!  And putting her to bed tonight by 7 was a piece of cake!  We still put her to bed earlier than normal cause we're catching up for lost sleep.  IF she has a good night and nap tomorrow, i think we'll get her down a bit later and continue until we're back to 7:30-7:45 which was working before. 

I'm feeling like nap time is key here.  A week ago it was getting her down an hour late for her nap that seemed to start the troubles again.  Right now i'm feeling like her nap on time is almost more important than night on time. 

Will let you know how tonight and tomorrow nap goes!  I'm feeling hopeful.....

[Layla]

Thats a good plan!

Let me know how it all goes

[catonss]

Just a report to say that I think we're on to something here.  We've noticed a few times if we get her down for a late nap (6 hours or more after wake up) that she struggles more.  And actually it takes a good 2 days to get back on track (takes a while to fall asleep, earlier wake-ups, etc).  So for us right now (few weeks it will probably all change again, right?!?!?), nap time is 5.5 hrs from wake up - no matter what!!!  It's helping a lot.  And she's been doing 1 hr 20 mins at nap consistently. 
She's still waking once or twice at night, but we're pretty sure it's just a habit she's in of calling to us and having us resettle her.  Nothing we're going to worry about right now, as things are WAY better than they were - we'll settle for now!
thanks - Sarah

[Layla]

Thanks for the update Sarah - I am so pleased that things are working out for you & your dd