By the clock or A times?

[RACHPEM]

Hi Layla,

Yesterday was the perfect day! she woke at 6am, I gave her 3 hrs of A time, which included quite a long wind-down, around 40mins, then she slept for an hour! I then did the same for her pm nap at 1pm, and she slept around 1hr 20mins. She then went down like a dream at 5.45pm and slept until 6am this morning, she also played in her cot for around 20mins before she called me, however today she has not been so good, I have tried to stick to the same routine, but she would only do 30 mins this morning at 9am, then she was exhausted by 11.45 so I put her back down and she slept around 1.30.  Should I still try to aim for this pattern to see if it works if I stick with it?
Rachael

[KathyM]

Marking my spot. Great thread!!!!

[Layla]

Yeahm, I would stick to the routine. So 3hrs in the morning, about 3.25hrs in the pm & 3.5before bedtime.

[jcsmom]

Peek-A-Boo, how long did it take your son to establish regular naps once you shortened his night? My son's naps are getting a bit longer a hour in the morning, 1 hour 15 in the afternoon and a 30 minute catnap that I have to wake him from. But his night last night was terrible. I am thinking his is soooo overtired and that he needs more night sleep. We are down to 10 hours at night but he fussed off and on for 45 minutes and then was up at 6 am this morning (wake time is 6:30). he is sooo cranky today and woke 30 minutes into both naps today, fussed for 2-3 minutes then back to sleep. This is OT, I know it. Any suggestions?He is only getting 12.5 hours of sleep as we are waking him in the morning and from his catnap. He just seems soooo tired it's not even funny.

[Peek-a-boo]

How long has his night been shorter? 

I wouldn't want to do anything dramatic to his routine since he is finally taking better naps, but maybe start, very gradually shortening up A times (5-10 minutes) making his bed time slightly earlier?   So his night is planned to be 10.5 hours instead of just 10?   I'd probably start with the first A time as it tends to be shortest.

How is he acting between naps?  Are you seeing lots of sleepy signs and just pushing past them or is he handling the A time well?

Have you talked to the nurse again?  What's her advice?

LOL, there's only one sentence here without a question mark, LOL (this one makes 2  ).

[jcsmom]

His night has been shorter since Sunday night. The last 2 nights have been hell. He was awake for 2 hours in the night last night and woke at 6 am (wake time is supposed to be 6:30). The nurse wants us to aim for a 9.5 hour night! but with the last 2 nights being terrible and his naps not really improving, I am in a total funk. I think that he needs 13 ( I originally thought 13.5 but have lowered my standards!)and is only getting about 11.5-12.5 right now so he is sooo overtired by bedtime. I just can't imagine that he only needs 12 hours! He has done this in a night before with no wakings!He seems pretty ok between naps, but before bed he's a wreck. I have struggled since day one to get him on a routine but he never does the same thing day to day. I swear, he has no circadian rhythm. Every day is totally different. He NEVER sleeps the same way twice despite ALL of my efforts. It has consumed me 

I want to trust the nurse, but I can't imagine shortening his night more will make any difference. I think it is having the opposite effect. She seems to think that he is still waking in the night do to getting too much sleep during the day. But with 1-1 hour nap, 1 hour and 15 minute nap and a 30 minute catnap, I just don't see how this is even possible. The most he has gotten in the last week was 12 hours and 50 minutes. This day was followed by a bad night and then yesterday we had a pretty good nap day and a horrible night. Could it be teething? He is cutting his 2 bottom teeth. Should I give the 8:30 bedtime a few more nights?

Not to give the whole sob story, but my hubby and I are on the verge of a separation because of this, I am a basketcase and I was totally counting on this to work. I am so hesitant to add more sleep to his night and hesitant not to keep things the same for a few more days. But I hate to see him so out of sorts at night. I really thought that I would see some change at least more that I have been given.

[Peek-a-boo]

Okay, first, big {{{{{hugs}}}}}.  I can totally relate.  The only fight DH and I have ever had that resulted in DH storming out of the house and leaving for hours happened over DS's bed time.   

At some point, after tons of obsessing, I made this my sleep motto:  "It's just sleep, not Godliness."  (Secular version:  "It's just sleep, not virtue.")  That is to say, your big goal for your child's life is not that he be a fabulous sleeper, but that he grow up to be a person of virture and character.  Sure, it would be nice to get some sleep along the way, but in the big picture, what we want for our LO's is so much more than that.    I seriously wrote that motto on a big piece of paper on DS's door 'cause it helped me keep perspective.  I know it's hard when you're so tired.   

TBH, if you're paying for your consultation with Ferber's nurse, I'm really reluctant to advice you to do anything other than what she says, kwim?    I'm guessing it's making your DH crazy that ya'll are paying for that and you're coming and getting conflicting advice from us, yes? 

If she weren't in the picture, I'd probably encourage  you to keep it the same for a few more days and then start to slowly, very very slowly, decrease his A times, making his night 10.5 hours.  From a BW perspective it's all about listening to cues and if he's seemed to need 13.5 hours of sleep, and he's acting very tired before bed time, I'd want to make tweaks to accomadate those things. 

TBH, I'd do with his routine whatever is best for your marriage right now.   If that means sticking with the nurse's advice, that's what I'd do.