14 wk old & mom need HELP and reassurance!

[Sinnet78]

Hi--this is my first time here. I just started reading the baby whisperer solves all your problems yesterday as my 14 wk old is a FIGHTER at bedtime. She's been hard to put to bed for a while now and I realize my "routine" wasn't routine enough. I'm trying to get going on the EASY method but am having a lot of difficulty. For some reason, DD totally fights going to sleep at night in her crib. SHe's been in her crib since about 6wks just in a bouncer due to spitting up. SHe's now sleeping on a slightly inclined mattress...so it's new for her. But the problem is that around 7pm we start getting her into sleep mode and she just screams! I bf her and dh attempts to put her to bed. He used to rock her for 30 mins, but now I see that's been a prop and we're trying to break that. We're doing the shush-pat thing. It usually takes on average 3 hrs to get her to bed. Last night dh got her to calm down and fall asleep in his lap doing the shush-pat---then he laid her in her crib and she got upset and he started all over again SEVERAL times. She seems to get SO overtired SO fast that it becomes almost impossible to get her to go to sleep. I'm trying to read her cues better. I really want this to work and I'm dedicated to doing this, but right now it feels so hopeless. It makes everything miserable when she fights bedtime so much. I don't even understand why. SHe's fed, clean...  During the day she naps in her swing. I realize that's probably a prop too and I shouldn't do that, but it's way too much to tackle for me right now. WHen I tried yesterday she just wouldn't nap long in her crib and got extremely overtired and even more difficult.

She FINALLY fell asleep at 10pm last night (we started trying to get her to sleep at 7pm), woke at 3am, fed, and was back up at 8am. I bf her then and we started to do the A part around 8:35...when she was yawning, fidgeting and rubbing her eyes. I was surprised she was tired already, but I got her in her swing and she fell asleep. It seems she cannot be awake too long before getting overtired and needing to nap. I thought at over 3mos she'd be able to stay up around 2 hrs.

This probably sounds more like a rambling than anything else. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this WILL work even with my fighter baby. I know it'll take time, but I hope it doesn't take TOO long. The crying gets very overwhelming at times. Any other tips would be appreciated too. I'm loving the book and am really excited about there being an end to the miserable nights we're having.

Thanks for listening.

[MargaretC]

Hi Sinnet - you're going through the wars right now ! Firstly, it will work. Honest. You don't say how long you've been doing BW but it does take time to "bed in". My DD is 14mo now (how did that happen???! ) and we had a rocky start with reflux. You say "SHe's been in her crib since about 6wks just in a bouncer due to spitting up" - are you sure she's not in pain with reflux? It's so hard to tell when you're tired but trust your instincts, and MAKE your Doc listen if you've any concern about that. It took us quite a few weeks til DD went to bed without shrieking and it was a battle. Get yourself some earplugs. You'll still hear but it'll deaden the noise to a bearable level. We followed the instructions TO THE LETTER - reread them under the four s`s I think - and I'm sure your DD should be in her cot before shush pat. Then you wait til 20 mins after the "jolt" ( I remember reading all this and thinking "what is she talking about?" and then going "oh yeah" when I watched DD!) In a few weeks you can use this wait time to read etc, cos you're just there as a presence as she settles! It will take a few weeks, but it pays off in SPADES. My DD settles immediately to sleep unless there is a problem and has done for months. Friends comment on it. One last thing that I know you don't want to hear - ditch the swing for naps. It is possibly confusing and it will just prolong the sleep training cos you'll have to do it all over again for naps instead of in a one-r. And it'll only be marginally harder. Promise! remiember the earplugs!!! Take care sweetie, you'll get there xx

[Sinnet78]

Hi--thanks for the response. Yes, I'm sure my dd isn't in any pain. She hardly spits up at all anymore. It was more of an issue of an oversupply and her getting more foremilk than hindmilk causing her to spit up. Spitting up never bothered her. She'd spit with a smile.

So I understand I'm supposed to shh-pat dd while she's in her crib. So I lean over the crib patting her back and shushing her? What if she's just crying and won't calm down? Picking her up and doing it while she's on my shoulder doesn't seem to be working either. I just don't understand how this is supposed to work. It's like she knows when it's almost time for bed or a nap and she gets upset. We don't get to read her a story before bed or any of the routine things I'd like to do with her b/c she gets upset so fast it just escalates.

I'm SO worn out by this. So tired of it all.

[Sinnet78]

Do i just keep shh-patting her in her crib through her shrieking until she settles? then keep shh-patting for 20 mins after she "jolts"? This is still very new to me and I'm trying to grasp it all. I wish this wasn't such a battle. Also- I don't know how I can ditch the swing for naps right now. She gets overtired during the day then it gets from bad to worse. At least she'll sleep some in the swing and not get hysterical before bedtime. ugh..

[MargaretC]

I hear you - we had some really exhausting nights too until DD got there. As will your LO. Firstly, honey, you need some sleep. Can someone else take DD while you nap during the day so at least you'll be fortified come night? Secondly, delighted that the spit up isn't anything more serious ( and v envious re breastfeeding - I couldn't despite trying everything ) As I have given my BW book to a new mama, I'm doing this from memory, so check the small print in the book! Right, our routine was aimed to bed at 7pm. So tea at 5.30, bath and massage at 6 and then sleepsuit and milk at 6.30. We didn't read at this time - I talked quietly to her instead. Come 7, goodnight kisses and into bedroom where we had a low light that was on until we went to bed. I sat with her, in silence, in my arms til the 1000yd stare. Then into cot. Because of severe reflux we didn't pat but I had a hand on her instead and shushing IF SHE CRIED, and yup, she did but every night less. Remember, your training her to sleep independantly, and like all training it needs practise (for her and you ! ) I THINK (please check this) if she didn't cry, I didn't shushpat at all, therefore wouldn't if she was passed the jolt. The 20 min sit-with is in case they wake up and panic cos you were there and now you're not (Don't skimp on this - we did several nights until we realised what Tracey says is true - it's a waste of time as you just have to start over !) Then sneak out REAL quiet and chill.... One last question, are you doing the routine during the day? If so, the overtiredness should resolve itself as she becomes accustomed to it. I can't remember the guidelines but I'm guessing a 2 1/2 or 3 hr routine by now? HTH Persevere - it gets better, and it DOES work!! xx

[Sinnet78]

I start the routine... She eats when she gets up,we play a little, then she gets very tired very fast. So I then try to get her to her crib for a nap with a little wind down, she becomes hysterical and no nap is taken. This goes on for a very long time, so then she's hungry again and it's time to eat. SO I feed her, we play a little and she gets cranky b/c she hasn't had any nap and I try to put her down again and it's IMPOSSIBLE to do so. So, out the window goes any routine! It is now 3:10pm and she has been up since 8am with MAYBE two 30-40 min naps. And those times might be stretching it a little.

I also have trouble napping (my hubby has been home with me the last two days helping) b/c my mind is racing thinking about all of this. It is all a vicious cycle.

I don't know..I think I'm beyond thinking straight..

[MargaretC]

ok - what's your routine timescale? 3hrs? 4? Was DD premie, or a low weight?

[MargaretC]

Sinnet, I think you're getting better and more relevant advice on the other thread you have about this - I'm doing it from a v blurred memory of over a year ago !! I'm going to watch the thread from there and jump in if I have anything to add to what others are saying but  I don't want you having to post the same info twice. Please keep going - I remember the evil, evil where-is-the-nearest-orphanage moments at the start, but it does get better - honest! Two last things, if you can't nap, get out without DD (try with earplugs too, I wasn't kidding about those babies !!) Secondly, if DD was premie or low weight, that affects rountine times i.e you do from due date NOT actual birth ( so your 3mo is tech a 2mo old, if you get that...) Keep posting, keep asking for advice - we've all been there and people are helping us know we're at the next stage !! take care sweetie, see you on the other thread !