HELP - 6 week old won't fall asleep!

[dspenst]

My 6-week-old son is on 3-hour EASY and sleeps well at night (when I put him back in his cradle right after feeding) but is having a really hard time falling asleep for naps during the day - I don't know what to do!  We swaddle him at the first yawn, take him into his darkened room (where he pretty much immediately begins wailing), hold him and do shush/pat...it ends up being pu/pd because he's calm on my shoulder but starts crying soon after I put him into his cradle.  He is a Spirited baby and does love to look around - even when he is obviously tired (yawning, flailing, etc) he wants to look around and gets mad if we shield his eyes to try to block out visual stimuli.  We also play the radio on static as "white noise" - this seems to help calm him and keeps him asleep for longer than if the room is just quiet.

I should also mention that his first yawn often comes within minutes of the end of his 40-minute feed...hardly any activity time!  We don't play boisterously with him at any time during the day, just lie him on his tummy on the floor and talk with him, encourage him to lift his head, let him look around.  He acts overtired without seemingly having gone through a regular tired phase, and then it often takes 45-60 min to put him down.  Once down, he naps for about an hour - he hasn't slept through a feed, so I haven't had to wake him up for that reason.  Sometimes he takes short 30 to 40-minute naps too and still seems tired.

He feeds well and is gaining well...lots of wet and dirty diapers, so I don't think he's hungry.  Doesn't like the pacifier.

I don't know what to do - I'm so exhausted from trying to put him down for naps...tempted to hold him until he falls asleep but want to let him learn to fall asleep independently!  Thanks in advance...

Desirée
Mom to Jaymen, 6 weeks old

[deckchariot]

6 weeks is sooooooo young.  I remember posting a similar thread when my dd was 7 weeks old.  First - great that he sleeps well at night - that's a lifesaver!!!  FWIW, day sleep develops later than night sleep - night sleep develops between 1-3 mos, but day sleep not til 3-6 mos.  So some of this is (unfortunately) normal.  I know that's not very encouraging.  But....there are some things you can try:

I wouldn't go to pu/pd at 6 weeks, he's too young, and it's liable to just make things worse by either overstimulating him or making him dependent on being held to fall asleep.  I'd stick with shh/pat.  Do you have any type of wind down routine for his naps?  Tracy recommends the 4s routine (set the stage, swaddle, sit, shh/pat) where you start the shh/pat on your shoulder, then move to the crib before he falls asleep, then continue shh/pat in the crib until he's asleep and all through the first 20 min sleep cycle.  Then you gradually lessen the time you do shh/pat until eventually you don't do it at all.  To be honest, it was one of the hardest things we did with our dd.  I would HIGHLY recommend getting help (dh, mom, friend etc) so you can take turns.  I never thought we'd make it, but gradually things got better.  Our dd began putting herself to sleep for naps around 8-10 weeks, then it became the battle of nap extension.  But we had a horrible time and found it very tiresome, but I can truthfully say that all that hard work was completely and totally worth it now!!!!

Here's some links that might help as well:https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0   (pat/shh)
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=451.0  (sleep interview)  (A times - please note that A time includes the time you spend feeding your ds and the wind down time, so at his age, it's pretty much eat, diaper change, wind down)

I hope that helps.  Hang in there - it really does get better!!!
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64158.msg476652#msg476652

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

I think Michelle has given you some excellent advice and I don't think I can add a whole lot to it - just a bit of moral support - I found sleep training my dd very very difficult too.  I think I remember reading somewhere that a baby's crying peaks at 6 weeks of age?  Keep at it, get help if you can from someone else, it will get better!!! 

[hannahbanana]

We went through the same thing.  My LO is Spirited, as well.  Here's what I figured out (and I mentioned it to someone else on these boards and it worked for her, too): the yawn is only the first sign and SHOULD NOT be acted upon!  Yes, it's not what Tracy says.  For us, my LO wasn't ready to sleep yet, and she'd fight for up to an hour.  What I learned is that she was UNDERtired.  So, I'd note the yawns and adjust activity if necessary (i.e. no playmat with hanging toys), and watch/wait for other signs, notably her complaining cry.  "Unh, unh, unh..."  like she was begging me to put her in her crib.  Then, I'd start the routine: swaddle, book, quite snuggle.  I stopped holding her cradle-style, let her sit on my lap (but this was about 9-10 weeks that I figured it out).  Anyway, my advice, wait a bit longer--don't be fooled by the first yawn.  Squirming and burrowing her head in your shoulder is also a good tired sign.

Hope this helps.

[dianscot]

dpenst- your baby sounds IDENTICAL to my spirited 9-wk old!! my husbd asked if i wrote that message! i don't have any answers for you, in fact i am hoping for more info, esp. from hannahbanana, as my baby got WORSE!!! i was as confused as you, and the shush-pat-calm-put down-cry- pickup- REPEAT ENDLESSLY TIL NEXT FEED TIME (2-3hrs) would mercifully give reprieve. i also wanted little one to learn to sleep on own, esp. to put herself back to sleep after the 10/20/30 minutes wakeup, but it got worse and worse over the last 2 wks. i am now considering having a sleep consultant do a 4day stay with us, and she uses a cry-it-out method, so i am really scared and hesitant. but i can't go on like this- my husband and i are trapped in her room from dawn to past dusk with all the nap battles, and she is not getting rest, so she is yawning after feed and getting no activity time. the 1st yawn tip from hannabanana is true, i had asked my peds, and he told me that a couple days ago and that has really helped so we werent trying to give her too many naps.
i still need to know from someone- how do you know when baby wakes at 20 minutes plus if she is just not able to put herself back down and needs more sleep or if she is fussing and crying to get up and about (we swaddle too BTW- so i don't know if that adds to the frustration if the latter) she is so feisty and frantic whether tired, hungry, or annoyed... and i DON"T think i am a natural at reading her... despite trying to read all books and watching the Dunstan Baby language DVD...

[hannahbanana]

Okay, so all is definitely not perfect over here...today we had 30 min. naps, exclusively, because I miscalculated her awake time this morning (she was awake far before I got her, I see in retrospect...) and that set the tone for the day.  That said, we do not have prolonged crying fits.  So, 1.) I think I can relate to your situations, 2.) I'm willing to help if I can.

Like I said before, the key for us is acting right when she starts to get good and tired.  The yawn is the first sign.  For us, the clincher, as she is very vocal, is a certain kind of cry she only does when she's tired.  She might fuss a bit when I'm swaddling and starting to shush/pat, but that eases up in a minute or so.  If she's overtired (the problem we're facing at the moment), it takes about 10-15 minutes to get her to drift off.  I put her on her side in a sleep positioner and shush or sing a favorite song and then shush (depends on her mood) and pat, rather firmly at first.

So, I know what to do to avoid UNDER-tired problems.  Just be careful of overshooting and falling into the overtired trap.  It's not easy, this thing called motherhood....

[dspenst]

Thank you!  After that post, my husband and I decided that our baby might just be the one Tracy refers to with one line in her book about putting babies down drowsy but awake "...this might not be possible for every baby."  However, as soon as we stopped trying so hard and just followed lo's cues, he naps great!  Hannahbanana is totally right about the yawn not being the signal to get him in bed - he was totally undertired too, which I realized - no wonder he was fighting so hard - he wanted to play!  Now, we still set the stage, swaddle, and sit, but we are not being quite so rigid about shush/pat being the method - our lo responds really well to a gentle jiggle, contrary to BW theory.  I do pat as well, but my husband definitely prefers the jiggle.  Anyway, I let lo play until he is starting to fuss a little and obviously not interested in his "toys" (black and white pictures, window view) and then take him into his darkened nursery, swaddle, and hold him - he looks around a lot during this time, being that he is Spirited, but we just wait until his eyes are starting to droop and then usually put him down then.  We also use a heated wheat bag to warm the mattress in his cradle so that there is no cold shock when we put him down, and then tuck the wheat bag beside him so he doesn't feel like he's floating in the cradle.  He usually pops his eyes back open at this point, but MOST TIMES we can leave, and in 10 minutes or so when he gives a little cry, it is very short and he puts himself (back) to sleep.  He is now napping for 1-2 hours, depending on the time of day.

I do find that his awake times shorten as the day goes on.  My midwife says the little guy expends a lot of energy with his curiousity about the world, always looking around to see everything:)

I hope this helps.  The undertired thing is really important, maybe especially with Spirited babies.  Thanks everyone for your support and advice!  Much appreciated:)

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

i still need to know from someone- how do you know when baby wakes at 20 minutes plus if she is just not able to put herself back down and needs more sleep or if she is fussing and crying to get up and about

20 minutes of sleep is a big sign of being overtired and babe definitely needs more sleep!  Why don't you start your own thread so you can get some specific advice?  Mommy brain can't deal with two things at once anymore!

[dianscot]

thanks, i will do that. as an update though, J is doing way better the last week and half. i think a big problem that week was the 8-week growth spurt- one mom read to me the passage from Wonder Weeks that descibed her behavior (and my feelings) exactly- very much unwilling to be put down! also, that week we changed her from sleeping in the swing (never on- just as 'cradle') to the mattress, so she was really in the open. i don't have the luck of Dpenst though with the putting self to sleep or holding til drowsy- she still fights it when she is in any dark room (coughing, arching, struggling)...yet in any light, she looks around endlessly! any tips, dpenst?

[hannahbanana]

I don't remember exactly when I started to read her DD, but it may help to have an activity as part of your wind-down in the room, so she isn't just going straight to sleep.