What's going on?

[pombird]

HI there

I do help someone can help as I'm at the end of my tether...

DS is 2 and 9 months and since he was 10 weeks old has slept 7.30pm - 7am.  Over the last month, he has been really distressed going to, and waking up from bed.  He was previously on 1 nap a day ... I'd put him into his cot at 1.30pm and go back in around 3.15 ish.  He'd have usually slept for most of that time.

Over the last month, he's been howling (and I mean *howling*)!  on going to bed and then again on waking.... and he's been waking at 5.30am.  A month of literally leaping out of bed to a blood-curdling cry is beginning to take its toll and I fear that my PND is rearing its ugly head again as i'm so tired.

I don't believe it's night terrors as it happens every morning and evening.  Since yesterday, I've cut out his day time sleep to see whether or not that extends his sleep time in the morning.  I think that the crying upon waking has become almost a learnt response to waking.  The second I or DH go in, he stops.  We reassure him, tell him it's not time to get up yet and try to encourage sleep.  The second I leave the room, the howling starts again.  I end up partially opening his blind and giving him some books to look at, telling him that I'll be in to get him when it's morning.  Again, I leave he howls, and so the cycle continues until I'm so angry, I get him up and then resent him all day. 

He used to sleep in the dark with door shut and now needs a night light and the door open.  He is quite insistent that the door stays open.  I think he's frightened of something.....

He only watches DVDs, and never sees the news, but goes to childcare twice a week and mixes with older kids who may be frightening him.....

Our DD is 10 months who sleeps next door to him and she wakes on hearing DS's crying.

I know that daylight savings kicks in at the end of the month, so the mornings will be darker, so am hopeful that this will mean a later start, but that still doesn't account for the crying upon waking.

Please can someone offer me some advice?  My husband is interstate next week and we have no one here.  I'm dreading 5 days and nights of this on my own.....

Thanks
Sarah

[NiknLily]

Hi haven't got any real advise as DD is only 18months, but I am currently going through some odd bedtime & nap time behaviour so just wanted to wish you luck in resolving this. 

Some things I did wonder, can he talk much yet? would he be able to tell you if something is scaring him.  Or could the childcare provider give you any insight as to what might be causing him distress if it is older children.  Or is there anything new been added to his room, even a toy that he might not actually like?

Like I said I couldn't really say for sure if it would work but when DH is back home could one of you spend the whole night in his room, then maybe do next night in his room with no light & door shut.  Kind of like an extended gradual withdrawal to help restore his confidence that he can sleep OK on his own in the dark with door shut and to try to unlearn the screaming out for you upon waking as you will be right there with him.

Hope some of that is helpful, good luck for next week 

[Layla]

He could be genuinely scared so I think you should try to work out why he is crying when you leave him. I don't actually see anything wrong with night lights & doors open. I was very frightened of many things as a child (& still am) & I like to have the door open when I fall asleep (if DH is not in bed with me... just so I can see the light from the TV room). Alot of toddler at this age (& some younger) do start developing anxieties & using their imagination alot & it could be something that he might have seen on TV might be frightening him so I would do what you can to make him feel secure. So night light & door open is not really a problem... if it makes him feel safer then leave it on & leave the door ajar.

What about asking him if anything is bothering him? If he has a favourite toy you could talk about how it will protect him when mummy/daddy are not around.

It could be that he is not really tired at bedtime & perhaps you should shorten the nap to 1hr to see if that will help him settle faster at night & get rid of the early wakings. Alot of toddlers start to drop their nap around age 3 so see how that goes for you.

Alot also introduce a clock (alarm) & teach him that we all wake when the alarm goes off (set it to 7am) & maybe you could leave some books by his bed & tell him that if he does happen to wake earlier, he could try & entertain himself until mummy wakes???

Bella has only ever cries upon wakening when she's overtired so I would give cutting the nap a go but you do need to put him down earlier for the night to make up for the lost sleep.

You might also want to look at gradual withdrawal - here's a post you might want to read through.... mum did GW method https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=104554.0;all

hth
Layla