what can the problem be?

[appletree]

Hey all.  So, Bella was doing really good since we switched to the rice milk and took all dairy out of her diet. Still waking 3-4 times a night but easily coaxed back to sleep. UNTIL LAST NIGHT............... went to bed a 7 p.m. and slept til 10 p.m. then up every 10-20 mins. til 5 this a.m.  Screaming unless I was holding her, arching her back, the whole 9 yards.    I gave her tylenol (twice since it was a 7 hr. period of time), anbesol, mylicon drops (again twice) on the off chance it was her tummy. It was ear piercing the majority of the night. I have had a migraine for 3 days as I was carrying her up the bleachers at ds's football game & fell. Saved her but totally her my shoulder and opposite elbow (not to mention embarrass myself as a ton of people were behind me  ) so, needless to say, my head is now beyond throbbing. 

If I held her she was fine. If I put her down she screamed.  I just tried to put her down for her a.m. nap and she fought it (of course, by screaming) for an hour. Standing up, hitting her head on bed, screaming, all over again. Tried wi/wo, pd, sitting in room and sorta ignoring her, I don't know what the prob is. She hasn't had a visit with biomom since last Wed.  She's eating pretty good. I still think she drinks way too much, but I don't know if that has anything to do with anything. She may be teething. I think the rice milk may not be filling enough for her so we're going to try "lactose free" milk and if that goes back to her having a tummy ache then we'll go with the goat's milk. Maybe they're thicker or more "filling" for her.

I just don't know what to do and I feel like my head is going to burst. DH said he thinks it's SA as she claws at me to hold her. What do ya think? Someone please offer me some good advice. Does anyone have experience or knowledge of children exposed to drugs inutero & how that affects their sleep habits? Eventually when she goes to overnights & home to biomom I seriously fear for her safety becuz I'm very patient, have help, and pretty good coping skills, but it wears on me - badly. Her biomom has none of those skills and I can see her losing it.

Help me please. Wendee 

[momofclaire]

Wendee,
I just wanted to send some hugs.

I don't have a ton of advice but it does sound a bit like SA. Is she more clingy during the day as well? Will she lay down if you sit in the room with her? 
Is she taking one or two naps?

Myia

[appletree]

Myia,

Thanks for the hugs. She is more clingy if she sees me. Like if I'm gone and then walk into the room (dh let me sleep in a bit this a.m. and he took her upstairs for brkfst & playtime and she was fine) she'll throw a fit unless I'm right there with her. I can be sitting on the floor by where she's playing and it's ok. Or if I'm folding laundry & she's in the same room it's ok. If I walk to the bathroom or kitchen - yikes!!!! 

She's actually in our room. Sleeps in her own bed but it's close to mine so she can see me.  She's totally exhausted tonite as she only had one nap today (lst time that's happened) and went to sleep at 7:15 p.m. When I put her in bed she arched her back & started to scream automatically.  So I picked her back up, reassured her that I was going to be right here in my bed and held her for a few minutes. She settled down & I put her back in her bed. She started to fuss but I pat her back & she went to sleep ok.

We switched to whole milk (lactose free) tonite & it seemed a lot thicker than the rice milk so maybe that will help. She played a lot and ate real well, too. Who knows?  Her nap today was 1 hr. 45 mins.

Since I'm right here by her I don't know why it would be SA. I'm always right by her for the most part. Yesterday after her nap I was gone when whe woke but dh was in the room waiting for her to wake (he was on computer) so she wouldn't freak out if she woke & no one was there.  Do you think it could be because it was him and not me? I just really want for her to be ok & each time I think we're doing better, I feel like I get a dose of reality that this is how it really is going to be for her.    Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?

Wendee

[LLLena]

Wendee- ((((Hugs))))

I agree w/ Myia on the SA.  It sounds like you are doing the best you can now.  From what you've mentioned in this and previous posts, Bella has had a rough start.  I am sure it's affecting her as you are her primary person and have responded to her needs where she really didn't have that w/biomom. 

Sleep training is tough and I wonder what the more experienced mods/moms will think on this.  After you are sure the milk situation is under control, I wonder if it might be worth while trying a different route.  I know you're doing the best you can, but it is really hard on her AND you to go through all this nw stuff.  And moreover, I doubt biomom will be a part of the sleep training when/if she goes back to her. 
 

[LLLena]

I forgot to ask, didn't Bella have drugs in her system when she was born? I think I remember reading that, but I'm not sure. 

Lena

[appletree]

As far as I know they didn't test for that. They should have as it was known that biomom was using throughout the pregnancy, Bella was 8 wks. premature, and only weighed like 4 lbs. 10 oz.

[momofclaire]

Wendee,
You are probably not doing anything wrong.  Try not to be so hard on yourself.  She probably is experiencing separation anxiety and given her particular circumstances it could be more severe for her.  I am actually not totally familiar with her story although I have read a few of your posts regarding the birth mom.     You are an amazing person and she is obviously lucky to have you. 

Does she have a special toy/blanket/bear that she sleeps with?  Do you think she is ready to start transitioning to one nap?  What are her naps generally like? 

I gather you have had trouble with milks.  Is it the lactose or the actual milk proteins?  Give any change in milk a few days because if she is sensitive it might cause tummy trouble while she gets used to it.

I hope this helps a bit.
Myia

[appletree]

Myia,

Thank you so much for your thoughts.  She has a special blankie & a kitty suffed animal. She actually took only 1 nap yesterday & today.

Switched to "lactose free" whole milk last night. Uuugghh.........I thought it was working well except she threw up this afternoon - just gobs of curdled milk. and for the last 2 hours she's woken up screaming twice and arching her back, tummy tight, etc.  So maybe it's the milk proteins instead of lactose intolerance. Should I put her through the tummy aches for a few days?  Or should I just try goat's milk? She's up again, so gotta go. Write me back soon if you can .  Thanks, Wendee

[skatty]

I just wanted to add that my LO drinks rice mik and we add rice protein to it so it is more filling, it looks like a latte when its mixed but is actually tasteless.

HTH, Katt 

[momofclaire]

Wendee,
Have you been to the doctor about the milk problem?  She is of that age where they could possible run a test to see if she is allergic to something.      It also could be that her body needs time to adjust to the different milk.  I would contact a doctor about that though.
I think your best approach for sleep training would  be gradual withdraw but I wouldn't do any sleep training if you think she is in pain or ill.  Are you familiar with gradual withdraw. Because you are in the same room you might want to put up a little room divider and try to soothe her with your voice.

[appletree]

Bella did really well last night. We have her back on the rice milk - obviously the "lactose free" milk upset her tummy. We'll waid a few days and then try goat's milk.

She still woke about 7 times but was easy to soothe back to sleep. I think she's getting sick and her nose is way stuffy so that may be the problem.  The longest she was awake was 5 mins.

I have done the gradual withdrawl stuff & it worked for afew days. She has so many variables that affect all aspects of her life that I really think it's difficult to pinpoint 1 problem and try to fix it. It all gets undone faster than I can fix it. 

Thanks for the help though - We'll keep working on it & at least we're down on how long she's awake each time, right?!    Wendee

[appletree]

  Bella's been on rice milk all week and we just got the goat's milk to try with her.  She drank some before bed (I know I should've waited til morning but the rice milk was just not filling her up & she wasn't eating very well this week so I wanted her to get more calories) and is sleeping now.

She's having trouble getting to sleep again. I think she's teething and is getting sick so that may be part of the problem.  She keeps waking up at 3:30 a.m. (she does before this time too but is easy to settle) and then is up til 5:30 0r 6 a.m.  Off & on, if I am holding her then she sleeps fine, when I put her down, she's awake within 5 mins.  Do you think it's cuz she's not feeling well? How are you supposed to sleep train when they may be teething or getting sick & that's interfering?

Had a mtg. with SW and biomom. Both of them think that the sleep problems would be resolved if I would just let her "cry it out' on her own. I told them that the way I see it, it's a trust issue for her and I refuse to put her through more trauma. As my belief is that children put into the fostercare system already start out with trust issues and emotional turmoil because of the problems they faced in a neglectful or abusive home situation and then being taken from the only people they know.  They seemed to think that I was spoiling her and adding to the problem. Biomom thinks if Bella were with her than she'd be sleeping through the night. What do you all think?

Bellas up screaming now, her biomom thought it'd be ok to give her Cheetos (AGAIN) even though I've repeatedly asked her not to and told her only to give her foods I send and she's got issues with dairy/cheese. All this I've reminded biomom a bazillion times...............uugghh!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the he*l is wrong with this woman? Does she not "get" that it's hurting her daughter or is she flippin' cool with that. Now I'm furious. Wendee

[Layla]

Wendee, if Bella is teething then that would add onto the night wakings & her taking longer to settle at night. Have you tried to give her some pain relief when she wakes. Jasmine has been teething for a few months now & now she's working on her eye teeth. She will wake sometimes at night as well but thankfully after a quick cuddle she will go back to sleep. She does however wake really early as well (sometimes as early as 5.30am) & it could be teeth or could be the whole 2-1 swtich.

As for cio - well of course if you leave a baby/toddler crying themselves to sleep night after night it might work but yeah... there is the trust issue...so I don't think its worth it tbh.

As for biomum - what about asking her to stay with you for a week so that she can see what the effects of dairy does to her??? Sounds crazy but if you are up for it.... maybe set up a mattress for her in your room or in the lounge room & get her to try & settle Bella for the whole night. She might think its easy but I don't think until she can get her hands onto doing it herself she will appreciate what you are doing for her/Bella

Just my though
Layla

[appletree]

Layla,

That's an excellent thought about her staying here. At our mtg. the other day I told her that when Bella first starts staying the night over at her house I could stay over there and show her how I do wi/wo, pd's , etc.  That got no comment.

Bella's not doing naptimes as good as last weekend. Not sure if it's just that she doesn't feel well or if I'm just doing it wrong. I sent you a pm to ask more ques. & give you more info, hopefully I'll talk to ya later. Thanks = Wendee