Having a nightmare time with big bed transition

[twinsrus77]

Hi

I moved my LO into a big bed about 4 weeks ago and since then we've been having a lot of issues with putting her down to sleep. Previous to this she was going down pretty easily and we could leave the room and she would put herself to sleep.

I didn't realise it was such a big adjustment going to a big bed, so I didn't give her enough preparation time.  we went and bought the bed together and then she watched us take her cot out and put the big bed in her room.  The main issues that we are now facing is that we can't get her to stay in the bed and it always feels like its a battle. Most evenings it's taking her over an hour and a half to get her to sleep and most nap times have been cut by an hour. Today it has taken me 1 1/2 hr to get her to sleep.  I don't think that there's a trust issue as she doesn't cry when we leave the room. THerefore I am trying to do put down - i.e. every time she comes out of the room, I put her back into her bed.  As I say this is taking a long time and I am not sure what other strategy to use - can anyone help or does anyone know what I can do to help her to get used to the bed and to go to sleep when she's in it?

Thanks

[twinsrus77]

PS - she's 20 months old.

[shivi]

having the same issue with my 2 yr old...he fell asleep last night by the stair gate on his door, curled up in a little ball....

just marking my spot for more advice too!

We're at it 10 days now and naps are now fine but night time it takes about 1 to 1.5 hrs to go to sleep....whereas he was a great cot-sleeper.

just a question....why did you make the change now???
We had to, as Oscar totoally broke the underside of his cot, all the lats cracked with his weight while bouncing in the mornings! LOL!

[twinsrus77]

We made the change as we're expecting another baby in June and I didn't want too many changes all at once for her. What did you do during the nap times? DId you just keep putting him back in his bed? Also I wasn's sure about the stairgate thing - what made you decide to put one up?

[Diegos Mama]

I think 20 mos is on the early side, so you'll need lots of patience and repitition.  You could use a timer for naps and tell her she needs to stay in bed until the timer goes off.  As for bedtime, you'll have to keep retucking her with no engaging with her, ie. don't talk to her, make eye contact,etc.  Also, a gate at her door will help keep her in her room, but leave the door open or cracked so you can hear if in the event of an emergency.

[twinsrus77]

It feels as though the situation is getting worse as last night we had to put her back in her bed in the middle of the night at least 7 times!  WE're both utterly exhausted. I haven't put a gate on her door yet as a) I don't want her to feel imprisoned and b) I'm concerned that it won't actually help i.e. she'll just stand by the gate and call out for us and then we have to go in and put her back in her bed.  I don't want to cause a trust issue, but at the same time it would be nice if we could resolve this. I feel very tempted to go back to the cot, but I don't think that's going to work either. Any thoughts on the gate? Also - Am I'm concerned that I'm causing more issues by being outside the door i.e. does she just expect us to sit there for 2 hours whilst she puts herself to sleep?

[shivi]

We've had the stairgate on Oscar's door for when he plays alone there in the mornings anyway, so the gate is not new to him. Also, I don;t think he feels abandoned as he's always slept alone and in his cot anyway,....

Now things are a lot and I mean A LOT better for us. Has not left bed all weekend after going down both nap and bedtime. We are bribing him with his toy...he is allowed take a toy to bed (within reason, a little train or a car for example) and gets to choose before bathtime which toy it will be for the night....this is a real treat for him and the toy is taken away if he gets out or even makes a move towards the gap beyond the bedrail....

Oscar is a trying, spirited boy and this bribery may sound cruel but it is teaching him that it is important to stay in bed once tired ( till fri when we started the toy trick he was literally unconscious when he finally remained in bed and in the meantime just kept walking out, up to 20 times before falling asleep).

Also with the stairgate.....I think it is a reminder for them of their "cot-ted" past and they go as close to it...or to their main caregivers.... as possible. Oscar has never been left to "cry it out" and actually in these past two weeks has only started whinging once completely exhausted at the gate....he has really been having "fun" getting in and out...and only being able to go as far as the door is a good boundary-teacher for him!

good luck with the next little while....I ws also about to give up as the two hour putdowns were really started to eat into our evenings and causing huge frustration on my part as it was mainly me who dealt with it.....

take care and keep in touch!

Siobhain x

[twinsrus77]

Thanks for your help - and really pleased that things are so much better for you.

I may well try the gate (and get her to play in her room with the gate closed during the day) and the toy idea is a good one. Also I think you're right that maybe the gate reminds them of the cot. Kezia is exactly the same in terms of we've never left her to "cry it out" and we know we're nearing the end of the PD's when she also starts to winge. I stay in the room with her - no eye contact etc saying "calm yourself down" and then after counting to 60 (and when she's calm) I leave the room. She'll then immediately gets out of bed and does a toddler version of the "mantra cry". So I take her back into bed and do the same thing again and when she's calmed down, I leave the room. Eventually she doesn't actually get out of bed and puts herself to sleep - exhausted!
It's good to know that others are experiencing the same thing - I'll keep you posted.

Thanks
NAomi

[daniellechiasson]

Do you have a side rail on her bed? Just wondering if that would help. We used one and not because she would roll out of bed but it was a bit of a deterent from getting up.

Also, do you think you might be going in too soon if she's just doing her Toddler Mantra Cry?

When she was in her crib, did you close the door or leave it open? My DD has always slept with her door closed, crib or bed.

Stick with it, eventually she will catch on.

Danielle