help with eating probs

[Windsurfer's mum]

Hi my son just 3 will not eat at many meals or only want cake

my husband thinks he should be made to sit at the table at a meal time whether he eats or not , often strapping him in his chair! I do not think this is good but I do not know what to do?

Should my son be made to eat some of his main meal before cake ?

help please I just want him to enjoy mealtimes and for them to not be an issue.

[elmarie]

My personal opinion is that you shouldn't make a fuss about meals or stress about it, if they are hungry they will eat! LOL  .  I find by trying to coax my Lo to eat just ends up in tears and then she won't eat anyway. We have a rule that my dd can decide where she wants to eat-in her high chair, at her table or the big table, this usally works 95% of the time. I think it makes her feel in control.

 I will however not give him cake if he hasn't eaten his food.  He needs to understand that it is not proper food 

Elmarie 

[knackered]

I agree that you shouldn't make meal times a battleground. I know it's difficult - I also have a toddler who isn't that interested in food - but strapping him in to a chair when he's clear he's finished isn't going to help.

And I agree that cake shouldn't be given instead of proper food - unless it's something you can make that is healthy. Have you tried making rice pudding with raisins instead of sugar. That's nice and you'd be getting milk and rice into him.

I think you need to be clear that there's no cake anymore. Don't say - if you eat this you can get cake because you're teaching him that cake is the desirable thing. Just say - no cake anymore and stick to it. Even if he doesn't then eat anything - he'll come back to you when he's hungry. Perhaps try bread with peanut butter on instead?

Good luck
Anna x

[Katet]

"it is a parents job to provide healthy nutritious food (not meals ) for children, it is the child's job to decide when & how much they eat" - If you offer less healthy food they will want it, but if you stop it they can want it even more, it is finding the balance that is important.

I recently met a lady who has a 6yo a 8yo & a 10yo... before they started school they only sat at the table (as a family) 2x week, everyone sat down & they ate favourite foods (mother would even cook 3-4 different foods to ensure they all ate... now they sit down & eat pretty much every day. Her logic was they learn the habit slowly & build on it & it really seems to have worked.
Around here my 2 children (almost 3 & almost 5) can have 2 "sugar foods per day" they can't have it at breakfast, but they can any other time of the day, those sugar foods include anything from icecream to chocolate milkshakes to jam on sandwiches, cake & cookies to "junk food" & soft drinks & generally they choose to have one earlier in the day & depending on what they know is on offer will wait for Daddy to be home (ie after dinner) or have it at afternoon tea time. If my children don't want the meal I have on offer they can have a cheese sandwich (so can dh for that matter... that has only happened 2 in our time together LOL) but they can't skip the "savoury" at a "meal" for the sugar food... they can just have a sugar food for a snack though.
I do think strapping in a chair causes a power struggle & potentially could result in eating issues. I do think you & your dh need to work out where you can find a meeting point & stick to that. Eg I've heard of people having "cake day" & so the children know on those days they can have cake even if they don't eat dinner & other days - no cake no matter what.

[aidliz]

We have simmilar issues here, but also different.  Wont go into it but,  my ds loves sweets.  He is a very picky eater due to sensory issues.  I dont buy any sweets he only gets them on special occasions.  If you dont have it they cant eat it. 

I was reciently given a bannana muffin recipe made with whole wheat flour, ds likes them he will eat them for breakfast or snack, kind of cakey, mabe he would like something like that. 

Having a family meal would be so nice, but only if it is pleasnt.  I agree with pps forcing lo to sit at table when they dont want to is a bad idea.  when my kids are done they get up and go about their business.  Eventually they will sit with you.  Ds is 4.5 and he chooses to sit with us most every nite now, we talk about his day and what we will do tommarrow, it is nice and enjoyable. 

If dh is set on this you could offer him an activity to do like coloring or stickers.

[Windsurfer's mum]

thank you all for your wonderful support. I do agree with everything said. I shall just offer the food and not stress if he seems to be living on fresh air~! At least I know that he is normal and will grow. Thanks again clare