Endless shushing/patting for 8 week old

[karasnoah]

Hello,

I'm a new mom and my baby son is 8 weeks old tomorrow.  My LO sleeps well at night, but he doesn't do so well at nap time.  I started him on the EASY routine (3 hour) a little over a week ago and I've been using the Shush/Pat at nap time for almost a week now.  I believe I have read all the shush/pat threads and information online and I know that my efforts will eventually pay off, but I'm feeling overwhelmed today. 

Each nap time, I spend at least an hour in his room patting and shushing.  By the time the 45 minute mark rolls around and my LO is nowhere near dreamland, I take him downstairs to feed him as per the posted pat/shush instructions.  After the "interim" feed, he usually goes down, but that can take another half hour.  Is this normal?  I'm wondering if I am doing anything wrong.

If it helps, his only sleep prop was my hubbie swinging him in the car seat to get him to sleep, but only around the dinner hour (now stopped).  He really didn't take to any props such as the swing or sleeping in our bed and only fell asleep on either my husband or myself on a couple of occassions.  In the early weeks, he did nap in his infant to toddler rocker often, but always slept in his crib at night.  About a week prior to starting the shush/pat, I ensured that he was in his crib for naps. He feeds for approximately 20- 45 minutes (BF + formula) and his activity phase is short anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes.

I act on the first or second yawn with a consistent wind down routine.  I shush/ pat him in my arms until he is relaxed when at that point I put him into his crib and continue pat / shushing.  However, despite my constant patting while he is in the crib, he seems to have trouble getting through the letting go phase.  His eyes are shut (not moving), he is relaxed, but then he wakes up and goes back to the phase one phase.  When I do manage to get him to sleep, he'll sleep anywhere from 45 minutes to 1.5 hours.  What can I do to help him pass through the letting go phase?  Is this normal, will this time shorten? 

Thanks for your insight!

[marensmama]

Hi and welcome to BW! Sorry I didn't see this post until now!  So I need some more information before I can really have a good idea of what's going on with your LO.  What does your EASY routine look like for the day?  The A time for this age is generally about an hour and 15-20 minutes, that includes the feeding time.  Naps 'should' be about 1.5 hours each, 3 per day, plus a 45 minute catnap.  Is he swaddled?  Does he take a paci? 

Pat/shh is a great method, it helped me sleep train my DD2 who is a touchy/spirited refluxer, but she didn't actually like being patted so I had to modify it (just held my hand on her chest and shh'd)... if it doesn't seem to be working for you, you could try something a bit different and see if he likes it better.

I'm glad you're having good nights, that's the first hurdle and it's sounds like you've done well getting him to nap and sleep  in his own crib.  Daytime sleep gets sorted some time usually between 3 and 6 months, but once we take a look at how your routine is over the day we'll be able to pinpoint any areas that might need to be tweaked.

[karasnoah]

Hi Nicole, Thanks so much for your help!

I've been meaning to write down my day, but I haven't had a chance to create a log on the computer (since I'm in Noah's room all day - or so it seems!).  I will be sure to write down the details and post them here.  However, from memory, my day approximately looks like this:

7 am: Eating
7:45: Activity
8:00: Sleep (usually the easiest time to put him down taking ~ 40 min)
9:45: Eating
10:30: Activity
10:45: Sleep (usually takes an hour to get down for a nap)
12:15 pm: Eating
1:00: Activity
1:15: Sleep (first attempt)
2:00: Interim feed
2:15: Sleep (second attempt - usually goes down ~ 40 min)
4:30: Eating
5:15: Activity
5:30: Attempt to put him down for nap, but usually not possible
7:30: Eating
8:00: Bath
8:30: Sleep
11:00: Eating
2:00: Eating
5:00: Eating

Yes, we started swaddling again when we started the shush/patting.  He is getting used to it again, he always cries once he is swaddled, and therefore I don't get the chance to just sit with him as part of the wind down routine.  Although I noticed today that he wasn't crying as much in the swaddle.  Yes, he does take a paci, but is not overly attached to it.  I pop it in his mouth to see if it helps, but if he pops it out, I don't force him to take it again.  We also have a fan (pointing at the window, not his crib) on high for white noise in the room and a lullabies CD on very low, barely audible (sort of my timer in the room).  His room is fairly dark, I added black out liners to the curtains.

I have been experimenting with the patting, especially when I get dizzy from the shushing and my arm gets sore from the patting.  It seems that once in the crib and he has gone through a couple of rounds of nodding off and opening eyes, I can stop the patting and just leave my hand on his back.  I usually can tell if my efforts are a lost cause if he starts looking around his crib (he does this sitting with me as well).  When in the crib, if he does start looking around, I'll use my hand to block his view.  That usually helps, but sometimes not.

Please let me know if you need additional info.  Thanks Nicole, you are giving me hope, especially if this worked well for your touchy/spirited refluxer daughter!!

[marensmama]

OK, that's great info, thanks.  It looks like the pat/shh is taking way too long, and that means to me that he's telling you he needs something different - in this case, I think it's more A time that he needs.  I had chapped lips and a sore back after pat/shhing for 20 minutes, you must be going crazy at 40-60!!

What I would do is starting tomorrow, give him at least 70 minutes of A time after he wakes (the first block is usually shorter than the rest of the day).  Watch his cues, he might not get sleep until 80 minutes of A time, but make sure you catch him right away and put him down.  In my experience, different babes need different lengths of wind-down, for instance my first DD liked a longer wind-down, DD2 can only handle being swaddled and turning down the blind.  If you start doing the wind-down and he gets really fussy, cut it shorter this time and experiment with it next time to see what he needs. For the rest of the day, go by his cues but try to stretch his A time to a maximum of 80 minutes and hopefully he'll have long naps and settle more easily.  If he has a short nap or seems really fussy when you're putting him down, maybe cut back the A time in the next block to make up for it.

If you think he's spirited (the blocking out the view with your hand is a spirited quality), I'd try ditching the music too.  It may be too much stimulation for him.  And no mobiles or things dangling over the crib.  I can't even wear a hoodie with strings hanging off of it when I pat/shh my DD or she gets distracted

Let me know how it goes!

[karasnoah]

I'm happy to say, that with your advice, today has been a better day!

I began tracking (on paper, rather than in my head) Noah's routine and I think I overestimated how long he fed for.  (He's a fussy eater and I have a low milk supply.)  He seems to start yawning shortly after a feed and only a half hour since he's been awake.  Last week, I would typically take this as a sign to put him down for a nap, but today I kept him up until he looked like he had enough and started fussing (at about the hour mark).

Until the end of the day, it typically only took me 40 minutes to get him to down to sleep completely.  His first nap was 1.5 hours in length but the next two were only 35 minutes (I suspect he didn't eat enough to sustain a longer nap, but I don't really know).  I had another marathon pat/shushing session at 3 pm.  After 45 minutes and no napping, I fed him for ten minutes and then it took another 30 minutes to get him down for a nap.  I'm wondering if the shorter naps earlier in the day made him overtired and more difficult to settle? 

In addition to the routine tweak, I also:
- moved the mobile in his crib
- covered any graphics with a receiveing blanket that were in the crib
- moved my chair to the corner to decrease visual stimulation
- used paci a bit more once he was in the crib
- only patted in chair and if he fussed in the crib, otherwise my hand rested on his back
- stopped playing the CD

Today's Easy log:
2:15 am: Eating
5:30: Eating
7:00: Eating
7:30: Activity
8:00: Sleep (time to get down: 30 min; length of nap: 1.5 hours)
10:00: Eating
10:40: Activity
11:00: Sleep (time to get down: 40 min; length of nap: 35 minutes)
12:30: Eating
1:00: Activity
1:30: Sleep (time to get down: 40 min; length of nap: 35 minutes)
3:00: Eating
3:25: Activity
3:45: Sleep (unable to get down after 45 minutes, fed on breast for 10 minutes, removed from bedroom for new scenery)
4:55: Sleep (time to get down: 30 min; length of nap: 1.3 hours)
6:30: Eating
7:00: Activity (bath)
7:30: Sleep (time to get down: 45 min)
9:30: Eating
12:00: Eating

Do you think Noah's eating issues (fussy on breast and bottle) account for the short naps?  Is it possible that he may yawn but may not actually be ready to go to sleep?  What do you think happened at the end of the day??

Thanks a bunch for your help!!

[marensmama]

Wow, you're making great strides!  That's what I love about BW, it honestly does work!  Re: his being fussy for feeds, does he arch his back and cry through the feeds?  Does he have reflux?  Difficulty settling and fussing through feeds are two symptoms of reflux.  You might want to check out this link to see if he has other symptoms: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=654.0

I think what's happening is that he is not quite ready to go down for his nap and then gets worked up and can't settle and then goes way past his A time and then is OT.  Keep doing what you're doing, it's already better.  Just keep an eye on his sleepy cues after those short naps because you may need to shorten that A time to make up for it.

Keep me posted!

[karasnoah]

Hello,

Just an update on our progress.  Noah is 12 weeks old tomorrow.  Things got a lot worse before it got better.  Shortly after my last posting, I had many days of not being able to get Noah down for any naps in the afternoons, leading to an extremely overtired baby.  (I also lost the patience to shush and pat for an hour and a half.)  However, after tweaking the wind down routine, consistency and tinkering with shush/pat, I eventually was able to get Noah down for a nap in approximately 15 to 20 minutes.  Sometimes it takes less that ten minutes and sometimes upto a half hour.

Next, I worked on extending the nap length and I now get a couple of hour and a half (or close to) a day.  I did this by shushing and patting if I heard him struggling to enter the next sleep cycle and not getting him up if he still seems tired.

I've learned that it is critical to start the wind down at the appropriate time, which for Noah is not when he starts yawning.  It's also important for me to know when to shush/pat or just pat or just put my hand on his back for comfort (or it could be for my own comfort!).

As for nightime sleeping.  I've eliminated the 2 and 5 am feeds, so he sleeps from 11:30 to 7 am...

Anyhow, thanks for your help!  Shush/pat is now paying off!

[marensmama]

Sounds like you are doing great!!!  It's hard work, but it is worth it.  Finding the right method for your baby and then sticking with it is key, and you've done that.  So good work, Mommy!!