34 month old refusing bedtime

[rachelrachel17]

Hi i posted a couple of weeks ago askng for help with early wakings but no response now i have a problem develping that my son is refusing to stay in bed. my mum had been away for 7months and the night before she was due home damon refused to stay in bed saying he needed a poo, took him he idnt go go then was getting out of bed as i was leaving the room saying the same thing, put him back to bed a few times and after 15min that was it for 40mins then it started again for then next 2 hours i was putting him back it wasnt quite wi/wo as i was interacting with him a bit doing the odd thing he asked like saying nite to teddy but in the end shattered he went downstairs and slept on the sofa with dad, the next 3 nights were fine back to normal so i breathed a huge sigh of relief but last night it was the same thing exactly, hard to put to bed then 40mins silent then all fuss, last night thou he was making himslef hyperventilate so i gave up wi/wo and conforted him in bed but when i left it started again and he ended uo sleeping with dad on the sofa.

do i just need to stick with it properly- 1st time out back to bed say night, 2nd time out same then nothing, no good night for everytime? also do i put him back as soon as he is out or wait for him to open door or leave at door a while-he has a gate up?

any ideas?

[Layla]

I think you need to be consistent here . No more sleeping on the couch with daddy... its quiet confusing to them.

If he has a gate up, I wouldn't take him back to the bed. I gave my daughter the choice of getting into bed when she was ready. We also have a gate and I never bother taking her back to her bed. I give her a kiss goodnight and then leave her room. She leaves her bed almost always but if I was telling her everytime to get back to bed, I'd be in there for a long time. She can walk around, read books, talk to her dolls and then go to bed when she's ready. So I would try not paying attention to him leaving the bed.. cause it might be a game to him... and if he's crying at the gate only then attend to him.

Also it could be that bedtime is too early/too late. At this age if he's napping, he might not be ready for bed until 6 or so hrs from the time his nap ended. Does he take a nap? What does his day look like from the time he wakes, etc...

[raelee]

I totally agree with pp. Just leave him in his room. Even if he ends up falling asleep on the floor, you can go in before you turn in and put him in bed. It probably is a game and he will tire of it sooner if it is ignored, my son is only a week older and was playing that game just recently Good Luck!

[rachelrachel17]

hi cheers for that i no about the sofa thing but i couldnt take it any more! we've had the odd night wake and been able to put him back easyily thank god.
last 2 nights has taken 20mins of putting him back at bedtime but it has worked, if it had of gone on much longer i think i will be leaving him.

ive been wondering a lot about his naps, if dads around say 3 days a week he naps earlier on in the car just after lunch but if not were out at playgroups so it 3-4, this has never been a problem before. he goes to bed at 8 and until recently woke 7-7.30 but has turned into 6 sometimes. i do keep wondering about getting rid of his nao but have no idea what the signs are or how to do it, i have tried a few times to keep him up but he falls asleep while i make tea.

[raelee]

You could try an earlier "rest" time before you head out for your playgroups, even if he doesn't sleep but reads books in bed for 60 to 90 mins, he might be able to skip naptime on play days. Is daddy home by teatime to be able to play with him and keep him awake?
I good rule of thumb on whether or not to drop a nap is mood. If he cranky in the afternoon/ evening without it then don't drop it. If he just ends up going to bed 1/2 hour to hour earlier then you are probably ok.

[rachelrachel17]

cheers for that might have a see if i ever get his bedtime sorted again

last night i was putting back to bed for 30mins and no luck, if it works for me it has been at 20mins so i gave up and left him to it, he cried out for me constantly,i went back to him at 10min abut that made him worse then it was another 15mins and he went ot sleep on floor at his gate, we moved him 30mins later but he woke, wide awake, i got him in bed and sat outside his room with gate shut door open for an hour but he was lying tossing and not sleeping so he slept on sofa again with dad. i no its bad. tonight i put him back twice and left him to cry for me which he is doing now what can i do

[raelee]

(((((((HUGS MUMMY))))))))))))) You are doing fine. Remember one of the BWs rules, it takes 20 min minimum for a child to relax enough to fall asleep. Sometimes I will lay next to my son for 20 or 30 min and he will fall asleep without a fuss.
Also, does he have sufficient quiet time before bed? (no T.V. or rough play 30 mins to hour before bed)

[rachelrachel17]

ergh! well as soon as i posted my mum came round talked to him in bed for 5mins n left him, he went to sleep without getting up again, i gave a hugh sigh or relief, but at 12 he woke up i put him back a few times by 12.30 he had stayed in bed and i was settling back to sleep when at 12.45 he was up again screaming, woke his brother-great he has just started sleeping throu, there is a cot in ds1's room ready for ds2 so i out him in thinking it might work but it made him hysterical so i failed again and put him in my bed with me-dad was doing a nightshift, we all then slept til 7.20 when dad came home!

i try to calm him down straight after tea and keep play calm, then dressed about 7 then books and milk til bed
before when i have spent time in his room with him he wakes as i am leaving making him hysterical

should i be leaving him screaming for me at his gate? if not what should i be doing when i go to him?

tonight i think i am going to put ds2 in the room with him from the start and see where that takes us, i had been waiting to make sure he could defo do full nights sleep and it been about a week now-just about coinsiding with ds1's troubles so maybe that could be good to keep him in bed, or maybe it will all be a shambles but we'll see! fingers crossed

i cant handle trouble at bedtime, night wakings and all this!

[raelee]

When my son was doing the "get up and yell from the door" routine, I would calmy call out from the other room, "GoodNight, I love you, go to bed". When it would last for 30 mins or more, I would come to the door and say, "you are safe and mommy is just in the other room. You know it is bedtime and that you are very tired. I love you and that is why you have to stay in your room, you need your sleep" Then I would not come back. He usually gave up after that so I was pretty blessed.
At almost 3 years old, they understand the process and know that they are not alone. All of his protests are just so he can get his way and so far all of his plans have been successful.

[rachelrachel17]

right when bedtime came i could see him getting tense so prepared for a bad one! he refused to let his brother in his room so i gave up that idea! i put him to bed stayed 5mins and left then he he got out and was calling me softly for 15mins i left him to it but he started to get louder i went up to resettle he got out again i left him a bit talking from downstairs but my interventions have only served to wind him up and prolong it. then 40mins went of him calling me trying every trick, wee poo chocolate, sleep in your room, sleep downstairs then he said he had wet himself so i checked-there was the smallest bit of moisture but i left him, then after 10mins or so he said he wanted to go back to bed and wanted hel so i went and he still got up! then i left him after 10mins this time he settle down to sleep on the floor, i covered him as i went to bed!

he woke at 12.30 ish, i had spoke to an old school family member who said just leave him if he wakes, i thought i would, but nd it hard but in my sleep before i knew it i was in his room! he the got out and called on and of, after 1hour or so he said he was shutting the door-he slammed it and i heard no more til 7, i think he went to bed but im not sure!

it just such a horrid thing leaving him to it but maybe it will work as nothing else seems to!

[rachelrachel17]

well last night he settles within 10mins and put himself to bed and didnot wake it the night phew! maybe we will be back on track soon!

[raelee]

Yeah!!!