crying when put to bed !!!

[popsey]

Hi I wonder if any one can help or shed some light on something.  A few weeks ago my 2 1/2 daughter started refusing going for her nap in the day and would scream and keep saying "out out".  I would try and put her down but she was having non of it, I moved her nap back a bit but it never made any difference and if she did nap in the day then it would make her mess around for ages at night time.  So I have taken it out.  I still try every third day to see if she wants a nap but she doesn;t she would rather be in the front room and fall asleep on me, which has happened a few times but I try not to let it happen to often. 

She seems to have come worried as well for some reason, she hates it now if I shut the kitchen door when her and her twin brother in the front room and I want to clean the kitchen floor she starts crying and going mad.  She has never really been one to be clingy but all of a sudden she seems to worry.  Not all of the time and it not just when I go it can be if she is on her own. 

However we stopped the nap thing but now when I put her to bed at night when I leave the room and shut the door she starts crying and screaming really bad and I go in and put her straight down and say it is nightime, then I leave and she screams and screams I go back in and she is standing up in her cot and saying "out out", then say no go to sleep and lay her down goes on a few times but then I have to let her cry it out and after about 5 - 10 minutes she will go to sleep. 

But I just don;t know why she is doing this, why does she not want to be in her cot and why does she keep screaming like she is worried or something.  her twin brother who is in the same room just goes to sleep no problem. 

can anyone shed any light or advise me what I should be doing

[amywiz24]

I am certainly not an expert, as my 23 mo old is also screaming when I put him down for nap/bed and has been much clingier to me!!
But after chatting here, these seem to be common behaviors with 2 yr molars. Is this a possibility for your daughter? If so, we have a support thread on the discipline board.
If not, my suggestion is maybe WI/WO so she knows "you are there for her" as she seems to be going through SA, but also let her know she needs to put herself to sleep independently. I assume she had these skills previously.

[popsey]

she does keep saying medicine but I don;t know if that is because she had it a couple of weeks ago now I keep thinking does she think that is the only way to go to sleep,  She never wakes in the night at the moment so I can only think there is no pain but I don;t know.  Last night I gave her just 2 mls of medicine and then she went to sleep, it was hardly enough to stop any pain, I have just had to give her more medicine she is screaming and screaming in a right state.  Do you think this is a habit or do you think there really is pain? as she is fine in the day gets a bit upset but not like she is in pain.  I hate hearing this screaming it is awful but I have given her medicine so what else should I do.

[Casseopea]

My lo is almost 2 1/2 years old and he does the same thing.  He cries out for me and screams (for attention) at naptime and bedtime.  I have found that he doesn't need anything and that he isn't in pain- for my lo it is that he just plain doesn't want to sleep, he wants to continue to play and he knows crying/screaming will get my attention.  So, I don't go back into his room after I put him down to sleep and he will cry/scream but he calms down within 5-10 minutes and then he goes to sleep. 

I have noticed that my lo is also clingy but I have attributed it to the fact that I just had a baby and therefore I don't have as much time/attention to give to him but part of it might also be an age-appropriate thing since it seems like there are a bunch of lo's at this age that are doing the same thing.

BTW... we are also experimenting with dropping the nap because he hasn't been sleeping at naptime.

[amywiz24]

does she have her 2 yr. molars yet? If not and she wants medicine and she is 2 1/2, I would think that is a likely explannation.
If she does have her molars, maybe it is an age thing as PP had said, or maybe she is trying to get your attention 

[Zoey]

Hi there, big hugs for you!

Could be pain.  2yr old molars are HORRID - Owen got them around 16m - he got all 8 molars then.  The molars refer pain to the ears, and it becomes worse at night and when they lay flat.  I'm thinking some baby motrin or whatever you doctor rec for pain 30m before bed may be a good place to start.  These teeth can start to hurt well before you actually see anything in the mouth.  They can also, push up and hurt and then stop for a few weeks.

Could she have an ear infection?  Sometimes ear infections make us dizzy and nauseous when we lay flat.  Some babies will even vomit.  They also feel niggly during the daytime.  Honestly I say any drastic change in behavior like this is worth a doctors visit.
 
Anything new in the family, new pet, recently moved, illness in the family, did you go back to work, change in jobs with someone in the family?  Anything new?  Changed her room around, new sheets, new curtains?  Has she been ill recently, fall out of the crib, throw up in the crib, have something traumatic happen in her bedroom?  How was she sleeping before this change?  Was she able to put her self to sleep without issue? 

Did this begin shortly after dropping her nap?  Can you post your routine for us to see?

Of course this is only my opinion but... Honestly, I really don't think leaving her alone to scream and cry is appropriate if she is afraid and needing you, or if you suspect pain or discomfort.  I'm afraid she will begin to feel abandoned and it will make everything worse.  I would first take her to the pedi and have her ears checked.  Try the pain meds and see if that helps - 30m before sleep.  If it's not her teeth or ears or something medical, then I would try WI/WO as suggested, or gradual withdrawal (links to both in the FAQ section). 

Try to look for the why, most often there is a reason for sudden changes in behavior.  HUGS HUGS HUGS, it'll work out..

[popsey]

Hi it used to be that she started going to bed and would mess about laughing etc with her twin brother and I realised that perhaps she was not tired enough so end the end I cut out my sons morning nap and give him his afternoon nap a hour earlier. So he was going down for a nap at 1.00 - 2.00/2.30 she would go down at first but then she started playing up again at night time then she started refussing a nap or together.  it first started at my mums they go to my mums on a monday a tuesday and she would refuse every now and again a nap this would not normally happen with me but it was like she was playing up my mum.  So my mum would bring her down stairs and sit with her and read her a story just so she had a bit of quiet time.  Then she started getting rid of the nap all together and then it started to be easier to put her to bed she didn;t really want to laugh and mess about so much, because at one point it was going for nearly a hour laughing.  Anyway when the nap went in the day she seemed fine going to bed sometimes might have a laugh for 5 mins but i was not worried about that.  Then a few weeks back she stayed over night at my mums, which they both do probably do every three months when we will go out for a night out.  That night she stayed that it was really hot in the bedroom and my mum said she was put to bed fine and she refused some of her milk for some reason, but when my mum left the room she was laughing for a good 10 - 20 mins then she started screaming really loud my mum went in and layed her down but then she started screaming and screaming my mum said she got herself in a right state, was really hot I don;t know if it was because of the weather but my mum said she he beads of sweat on her nose, so my mum calmed her down and gave her some medicine which she took but then when put down again my mum said she kept crying and crying and screaming, so my mum went in a few more times laid her down and said go to sleep night night then she walked out and left her for a while crying, in the end she went to sleep, it has since been then that she has been crying, not every night but quite a few. 

Today she was really upset throwing herself about like she is tired and she did have red cheeks so I gave her medicine but still didn;t really sort out why she was upset.  In the end I sat down at 1.30 for a sandwich and she sat with me and the next minute I know I have turned round and she is asleep, so I left her for 20 - 30 mins and she seems to be okay now, a few tear but this afternoon has been better as this morning she was crying and screaming all morning.

This is her routine.

get up anything from 7.30 onwards, she did not wake until 8.00 this morning,
breakfast about 9
lunch about 12
then I would normally put her brother to bed at 1  until 2.00/ 2.30
tea about 4 - 4.30
bath at 6.00
milk at 6.30 in her bedroom, she normally drinks it in her cot
6.45 -7.00 go to sleep.

[Zoey]

poor baby.

I'm wondering if you should have her check for an ear infection, or something.  It certainly can't hurt just to be sure there isn't anything medical going on.  Then you can move forward from there?

I'm sorry, this must be so distressing for you both.  HUGS  Keep us posted.

[Casseopea]

If it has been going on for a couple of weeks it seems like more of a habit that she has gotten into than actual pain- unless it is something like molars which can sometimes take forever to come in.  It also sounds like things have been kinda inconsistant for her regarding naps and bedtime.  Maybe if you settled on a routine for naptime- like she lays down/plays quietly on her bed or watches a calm video for 30 minutes- and then make sure you have a good winddown routine at bedtime that would help her settle better?   

[amywiz24]

maybe you should take her to the doc, just to rule out anyhting medical.......

[Zoey]

Hi Popsey, wondering how things are with your DD?  Was she crying and screaming all morning Sunday too?

Sending more hugs to you both.  Let us know how you're getting on.

[popsey]

well touch wood everything seems to be okay like nothing ever happened, on the Sunday I put her to bed and instead of putting her in her sleeping bag or putting a blanket over her, I made a big thing about her new duvet and got her to line up all her teddies next to her and then put the cover over her and ever night I have not had her screaming or crying.  So I don;t know if it what it was really but at the moment is she sleeping.  Just goes to show how something can come on so quickly and then change back again. 

Thanks for all your support though

[Zoey]

Such is the life of a toddler.  Glad she isn't ill, and things are back to normal.  Good idea with the new sheets!

Good Luck!

[amywiz24]

so happy for you popsey!! My DS has stopped crying too. We even decided to toake advantage of it and move him to BBB and that is going fine 
Keep your fingers crossed for both of us!!

[Casseopea]

Popsey- I am glad things seem to be calm and back to normal.