Difficult Bedtime after Moving to a New Country

[Kirhei]

Dear all,

This is the first time I write on this site although am already familiar with Tracy Hogg and her advise.

Am having difficulties with how to deal with crying and separation anxiety at night time.

My daughter is now 16 months and we moved into a foreign country 3 weeks ago. She of course had some difficulties getting used to the 7 hour time difference but now the days are back on track in terms of rhythm. There have been no major changes in her physical development or feeding (except for getting half of her morning milk in a bottle and the other half in a beaker) but she seems to be getting quite many teeth at the same time.

She is having one nap per day, around 1-3 pm, 2h of sleep max. She goes down on her nap well, no crying. I give her a bath around 6h45pm, then milk, cuddle and to bed. She used to go down well but since a couple of days she just wont let us leave the room. This all has to do probably with many changes in her life and surroundings. The problem is I am very tired in the evenings and have things to do around the new house plus dinner to cook as my husband is working later hours. I am staying by her bed side for 30 min doing Put Down. As long as I am there she is OK. But if I try to leave, she starts to scream.

For the past two nights I have let her to cry after being there for her for 30 min. She would cry for about 5 min then fall asleep. Night wakenings have not become more frequent.

Am of course feeling guilty about leaving her to cry but at the same time my patience is in the end. ANy advise?

[ccg01]

You and your daughter have a lot going on! We moved w/our DS to different homes at about the same age (not a country change, but still, a whole new world for him) and went through similar things. I think the teething was also a factor, as it may have made him uncomfortable, thus making it harder to sleep/fall asleep. Here are some things that have worked for me.

I stopped trying PD as he would fight me on it and it seemed to get him more worked up. I did more of a gradual withdrawal approach. Here's what I remembered. We expanded the bedtime routine a bit to tell things in the room goodnight (example - goodnight changing table, goodnight diaper pail, etc.) -- trying to help him feel more comfortable w/his surroundings and that he was going to sleep and it was goodnight for the room as well.

I would tell him it was okay to go to sleep, to lie down, etc. (A few comforting things.) Then I would sit by his crib and be quiet (other than maybe shushing once in awhile). I have a little trick that worked for me, but I was careful to not make it a prop. I would put my hand on the sheet, somewhere he had to sit down or walk over to reach. Then I would stroke the sheet and he'd usually lie down to grab my hand. Gradually, I removed my hand. (Kind of hard to explain, but it allowed me to comfort him without hugging him or picking him up.) Then I would sit further and further away, in the dark room, saying very little or nothing (maybe "it's okay to go to sleep, you can do it, you are a big boy). He might cry or fuss, but the length became shorter and shorter. Eventually, I would start out just sitting by the door. It took maybe a week or so to help him feel more comfortable, then I would just go outside the door and comfort him if needed from outside it. The general approach was to let him know I was there but that he was going to go to sleep on his own. I think the first few nights I may have been there 30 minutes, then it decreased until I didn't have to wait at all.

Also, we used infant Motrin per our pediatrician's recommendations for teething when he seemed really bothered by the teeth.

I hope some of this helps. We've been through this three times now (lived in two rental places before we got into our home) in the last year and this has worked for us, but each time I panic at first and think it is a whole new problem!