Hello...
I am a mother of three, ages 4, 2-1/2, and 10 months. Both my older children have really challenged me as far as their eating habits, and I have tried everything you could possibly have read or heard. My oldest would not eat anything for breakfast except French toast for almost two years! Then she went into a period of only wanting pickles, grapes, and black olives for lunch! I was going crazy...I love to cook and I worried myself SICK over whether she was getting what she needed. My son will only eat about 6 or 7 different foods and I have to supplement with pureed foods! He is very sensitive to textures. I want to share with you what I do and what my pediatrician recommended as well.
First, know that toddlers are notoriously picky, finicky, etc. about food and that sometimes food issues are a tool for them to test their limits and power. The most important thing you must do is MAINTAIN YOUR COOL about it. Do not enter in any emotions involving mealtime. The reason is that toddler's needs and hunger are inconsistent. This is actually a SLOW-growing time for them and many parents think they have to scarf down loads of food or tons of nutrients like they did when they were infants becoming toddlers. Sometimes they're hungry and other times they couldn't care less. Some days they are more active or are in a better mood -- it's all connected. Think about it: Some days we adults can't find enough in the house to wolf down, and other times we just could go without and have a cup of coffee to get by. Some weeks all I want is meat, another all I want is salads, the next all I want is salt and chocolate! So they have the same rhythms. It isn't personal -- some days they're just not into it at the moment you expect them to be into it!
And the other reason for maintaining a non-emotional response to their eating quirks is that it never gives them the opportunity to use eating as a bargaining tool or to create a situation where they feel power over you.
So that being said, what my pediatrician recommended and what ended up working for us was to provide three meals each day and two snacks. Also the child should have access to juice or water throughout the day (but make sure they don't meet their caloric needs primarily through juice either). And, let go of the notion that you must remove a child from his/her bottle of milk at a certain age. If your child does not drink milk well during meals, then a bottle of milk should be offered either morning, mid-day or evening to ensure they receive the calcium and protein their bodies need to maintain proper growth and brain function. NEVER WITHHOLD MILD FROM A CHILD BECAUSE HE EATS POORLY AT MEALS. This is the best alternative you can get to a healthy meal. Because my kids didn't do well at first with mild at mealtimes, they were allowed supplementary bottles of milk until they were three. I know you may think WHAT? A bottle at THREE? But let go of any embarrassment this may cause you...If anyone commented to me (which was only one person) just say, well, my child needs 45 oz. of milk a day to properly grow. He doesn't take that in on his own, so this is how we provide it, and my pediatrician is the person who suggested I do it! And eventually my daughter started drinking milk like crazy at mealtimes on her own, and now my son is too. And they are off the charts for their height, have never been sick, etc.
I used to get so whipped up when I'd prepare a meal and my daughter would not take a bite, but then ask for dessert...or she'd ask for something and then not eat it. But I made the mistake of becoming emotional over it and mealtimes became distressing for her and for me, and eventually the whole family because there was so much negative energy at that time of day.
So...remember, your job is to OFFER the 3 meals and the two snacks. Not to make sure your child eats it or tries everything or to keep making meals over and over to get her to eat something -- anything! I know the feeling! And I did that too! Big mistake!
Here's what we do:
8:00 Breakfast with milk
10:00 Snack and juice (and don't overdo the portion)
12:30 Lunch
2:30 Snack
6:00 Dinner
7:30 Milk
Notice that snacks are closer in time to the PREVIOUS meal, which allows more time to work up an appetite for the next meal.
If the child does not eat well or at all during the mealtime, do not react. If they indicate they are done, just say "okay." Right now the important thing is calories, believe it or not. And if your child does drink milk and juice, then they will actually be all right!
This acceptance of my children's eating quirks has helped us to be much calmer and to NOT drive ourselves mad trying to get them to eat perfect meals. Remember to also view their overall diet over the course of a day and not the course of a meal. Usually toddlers may eat one or MAYBE two "real" meals a day and the others they will just pick at. This is NORMAL!
We also give the kids vitamins, which in turn gives us a little more peace of mind.
But cutting out the snacks and cutting out milk, etc. is a bad idea. They need the calories. As far as the shake goes, it sounds like a wonderfully healthy snack you could provide! So whether he eats his meal or not, at the designated snack time you could offer the shake, which with fruit, milk and yogurt is actually a complete meal in itself! At mealtime when he asks for the shake, just say, this is what I've given you for lunch. If you aren't hungry for it, that's fine, but you won't be able to have a shake until snack time. And then unemotionally go about the day.
I hope this helps. I know how much time a mother can spend agonizing over meals and the nutrition their children are getting. Hang in there and it will all turn out! Best of luck...
