11 week-old started crying a lot before naps and night sleep

[mayapapaya]

My 11 week-old little girl use to love getting ready for her naps and bedtime at night. We would sit together clamly a bit before and it was a really sweet time. But a few days ago she started fussing and crying whenever we'd start to 'slow things down' for a nap or night sleep (like sit on the rocking chair for a bit, cuddle on the couch, walk around and sign soft songs...). And now she cries super loudly everytime she knows a sleep is coming. And when she finally calms down, after several minutes and I can put her down in her crib,  she cries for me after 5 minutes and I have to go back to her room to comfort her several times. At night it's a real drag because I'll go back to her room every 5-10 minutes (when she calls for me) for about 2 hours - and then it's time for her night feed so I end up feeding her and then she falls asleep, often to wake up 10 minutes later again.

Her naps have gotten way shorter (3 x 45 minutes) and I'm aware that this is causing her to be overtired. But I've tried al the suggested solutions on making sure she isn't over stimulated. I've tried extending her naps too and have not been successful.

Help!

[jess, lukeys_mom]

hi there,

welcome to bw

are you swaddling your lo to go to sleep? and have you tried the shush-pat method to calm her in your arms, and continue in her bed to help her get settled?

maybe you can post your routine so we can have a better look. x

[mayapapaya]

Thank you for your reply!

I was in panic mode when I wrote It had been a tough day and I was affraid it was the beginning of a very unpleasant pattern that would never end! But today was better. She fussed a little as I was preparing her for her sleep, but she cried much less. I think I understand why she's been fussy before bed lately. I use to put her in her crib once she was almost already asleep. Now I really put her down as soon as she is calm and has sleepy eyes (after I have seen her cues, of course). So she is getting used to the idea of really falling asleep on her own in her crib because she has only been doing it for a few days, and it's not always easy for her. My only fear is that, since now she knows that when we start winding down it means that she is about to be put in her crib to go to sleep, she will no longer enjoy that moment with me but will rather apprehend what's coming next. And I would hate that because I love that precious moment with her when we are calming down together. And I want her to be happy and to enjoy every part of her day, including that one. Is it going to be like that always or will she eventually enjoy the idea of falling asleep on her own? I just don't want bed time to be a sad thing for her.

And about her 45-minute naps... how can I extend them so that she gets a nice rest? She's always a bit grumpy when she wakes up after such short naps. Is 45 minutes (3 times/day) enough for a 2 1/2-month old? Today I snuck into her room 40 minutes into her nap, and at 45 minutes, she dropped her paci and started waking up, so I immediately gave it back to her and she fell back asleep. Except I had to stay there because she woke up again 4-5 minutes later, and I did the same thing. I managed to extend her nap by almost 20 minutes... but  I was hoping for more! She is so much happier when she wakes up after a longer nap. Plus, her EASY routine doesn't even last 3 hours because her naps are so short.

Here's what her routine looks like:

Wakes up around 8AM
8:00-Eat
8:15-Activity
9:30-Sleep
10:15-Eat
10:30-Activity
12:00-Sleep
12:45-Eat
1:00-Activity
2:15-Sleep
3:00-Eat
3:15-Activity
4:30-Catnap
5:00-Eat
5:15-Activity
6:00-Bath
6:30-Eat
6:45-Activity
7:00-Sleep (Though it sometimes takes me up to 2 hours to get her to fall asleep. Tonight it took about 45 minutes)

And then she'll wake up somewhere between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. for a feed, then somewhere between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m., and then again at 8 a.m. But very often, after her night feeds, it takes me a good half hour to get her to fall back asleep in her crib.

Thank you for your help, it s so precious!
maya

[mayapapaya]

I forgot to answer your question about the swaddling. Yes, I swaddle her, but it is a new thing. She kicks a lot and moves her arms when she it tired and to me it seemed that she felt stuck when I swaddled her, so I stopped when she was maybe 1 month old. But I started again recently, except I leave her arms out or else she goes crazy and fights with the blankies very ferociously. So I just focus on wrapping her tightly around her body, a bit more loosely at the legs and I leave the arms out.

[Evgenia]

Hi Maya,
My DD never liked long stretched out wind down, she would start crying when I tried sitting with her, rocking etc. and after all the crying at wind down I found she was mach harder to settle. Our wind down is very short and simple: close curtains, change nappy, kiss, off to bed, this works a lot better for her. Though to ensure she is a bit more relaxed for her naps about 30 mins before nap time i switch to low key activities.

Tha fact that ur lo wakes up grmpy after 45 mins nap to me personnaly would indicate that she's not getting the rest she needs, so I woulld focus on extending her naps. Have u tried w2s?

I wonder if the paci has become a prop, since she wakes up when it falls out?

Hope this helps

[mayapapaya]

Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure if the paci has become a prop or if she just uses it for comfort and then spits it out as she wakes up. The other thing is that she's discovered her fingers and wants to suck them but is still working on how to do it right So if I don't give her a paci, she gets really frustrated because she  tries to suck her fingers and can't really do it the way she wants it. And she does sometimes spit out the paci at the beginning of her nap and and fall asleep without it. So I don't think it's become a prop. And at night she never wakes up when  it falls - she only wakes up to feed.

I haven't tried w2s. I guess I'm not so clear about how to do it right.

[mayapapaya]

So I did the shorter wind down before her nap this morning. But right when I started swaddling her (after changing her nappy) she looked at me in despair as if she new what was coming next: her nap. It really breaks my heart every time. She looks at me like I'm about to torture her or make her do something really unpleasant. Is it normal? Does anyone have an experience of their baby HATING to go to sleep and then eventually they like it (or don't mind it)? I'm hoping eventually she'll enjoy it. I feel like the mean mom when she looks at me and cries like that, with her beautiful little face, screaming for me not to make her take a nap. It always makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing when I'm making her cry so much like that. I know it's not hunger because she had her feed 1:30 before. It takes me everything not to cry or not to bounce out of her room with her and say "ok! nevermind! playtime my love!" Will this pass you think or is it possible that she will always be unhappy when I want her to nap? I always wonder if she will still love me when she wakes up... thankfully she did this morning!

Thanks again for the advice.

[Evgenia]

{{{HUGS}}} Maya, don't be silly ur lo is not going to love u any less because u make her take naps! She is only a baby, and now that she's getting to the age when she understands more she want's to stay up and explore her surroundings instead of sleeping.

U shouldn't feel guilty for putting how down for naps, though I did myself, u know that she needs her rest. It does sound to me that her crying is not due to a physical reason (hunger, ot,ut) but rather a psychiological. I wonder if she has her own unplesant associations with naps?

When she looks at u as if u r about to torture her try not to focus on that, but be reassuring to her. Tell her its time for her nap and that u'll see her when she wakes up. Keep focused on keeping the experience positive and plesant for both of u.

When it comes to the end of her nap go into her, be cheerful and happy, smile, say something like hey love! Did u enjoy ur nap? Mommy is so happy to see u! - Make a plesant experience of her waking up, so that she will have something to look forward to after the nap.

These are Tracys suggestions in regards to establishing routines and rituals from her Toddler book. I found them very usefull, and when they are repeated constantly they make events predictable and safe for los, as they know in advance that whats about to happen is goiing to be an enjoyable experience.

Few weeks back when we moved dd into her own room she started crying before hernaps as she was going into a different room being changed in there (instead of downstairs like before) but creating those little rituals has really helped her overcome her fears and she's back to being a happy baby.

Heres a link to a post with info on W2S,
keep in mind that w2s has to be slightly adjusted to each lo, and it could take u a few days to figure out how it would work best for ur lo (what time to go in at, how to disterb etc).
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64168.0

[mayapapaya]

Thanks so much for your encouragement and (much needed) support! It's amazing how much of a difference it makes to be able to talk to people who don't tell you "oh just let her cry it out" (which I owuld NEVER do) or "well if she doesn't want to sleep, just let her play all day and then she'll be ultra tired at night" (a friend of mine suggested that).

The W2S wasn't a success at all, but it was my first time trying it. I think what I'll do is take it one step at a time:
1- Get her to fall asleep on her own, happily.
2- Extend her naps
3- Reduce and eventually eliminate night wakings (which aren't bad at all usually, so that's my last priority)

Today was just a tough day - lot's of crying. I'm a whimp, so I don't do well with a crying baby. But I don't want to turn into the kind of mom who always gives in ("yes darling, you can have ice cream for supper").

Thank you, again, for your loving support. I'll post on this subject in a few days, hopefully with good news

maya

[Evgenia]

Maya u have a great plan!
 
Im sure u r not a whimp, thats what most of us r when it comes to our babies crying, and thats what makes us parents

U might even noice that once her daytime sleep improves she won't be waking up at night!

Best of luck and keep us posted!

[AvaMadeline]

Hi Maya,

This is also my first baby and she is 11 weeks and 2 days  I feel the same way.... sometimes I feel like I am doing her wrong by "forcing" her to sleep but I know that it is important, just wish she would not fight me so hard when getting her into sleep mode. She too always gets out of the swaddling, at least her arms not the rest of her body. There are so many things to learn being a new mom and I am sure (or at least keep telling myself) that it will get easier to get the hang of naps, sleeps, feedings, and all other amazing things that my little girl does  Sleep is my greatest difficulty right now that is for sure. Her naps are not often enough so I am sure she is over stimulated (and that is my fault). If I have some shopping to do or visiting family and friends it thows her right off and although she loves to sleep in the car or outside while in the car seat/stroller or baby byorn she is not following the routine if I am out of the house but I am trying! I think part of our problem is she is not getting enough to eat during the day, that is part of the problem too I have read, although she is content until about 4pm then she starts to get frustrated and our evenings are happy one minute and then sad the next, which breaks my heart... She is asleep now but I have gone in twice so far and earlier she slept for an hour but I was in and out about 4 times so I would not call that a nap 

Hope you had a better night....

Take care!

Angela

[mayapapaya]

Thanks to everyone for their support. After writing my last message I went ahead and re-read the chapter on Sleep in Tracy's last book nd realized I was doing the sh/pat method all wrong. So I started doing it right and things are MUCH better. Somedays, she goes to sleep like a charm, Some other days she needs more assistance from me, but that's fine. I'm also working on perfecting my husband's use of the method so that I'm not the only one putting her to sleep!

Angela, I agree that as first-time moms, we have tons of stuff to learn and we have to give ourselves the chance and the patience we diserve! We love our baby and are doing the best to care for them... and I know it breaks your heart when your evening turns into a "sad evening". Why don't you try not going out just for a few days and see if you can really follow her routine and give her all the naps she needs. Maybe it will help her and then you can run errands and visit your friends from time to time but at least you'll know that when you come back home you have a routine that makes your baby happy. 

I had a friend over today for lunch and then went shopping all after-noon... and I felt that it wasn't really cool for my little girl to have such a stimulating day like that. Now she is passed out in her car seat. I'm not saying that we should stop having a social life, not at all, for I'm really going to try focussing on being at home with her and following her routine for a little bit.

I hope your lo gets some nice sleep tonight!

[Evgenia]

Angela, Maya gave u some great advice. Just wanted to add that even at 7 months if I take dd out shoping or run some errands etc. her routine gets messed up at least a little bit, I think its unavoidable! And sleep problems are the main concerns of most parents so u r not alone!

Maya, how r u getting on? I'm glad u found out about shh/pat being wrong I myself noticed that when I read ceratin techniques or even paragraphs in Tracys books for a second time I notice stuff that didn't stick the first time. And u r so smart getting dh to learn all the tools!

Keep us posted