Please help....4 week old really struggling!!

[Isabella's Mummy (Lilab4)]

Please help me. I am at the end of my tether. My DD is 4 weeks old and up until the past few days has been an angel baby. I was able to start EASY almost straight away and was able to put her down awake for daytime sleep. We have had issues with evening times and more recently the morning nap, but have managed to get by using shhh/pat and cuddling her to sleep where absolutely necessary. However, things have all gone very wrong this week. She is struggling to get to sleep for all naps and at bedtime and more importantly she can not stay asleep. Even in her buggy, where previously she would sleep for hours when we are out and about.

The problem seems to be that when she is trying to sleep (and also during feeds as of today) she jolts her body. He arms and legs go as does her head. She is swaddled for sleep, but even so it wakes and upsets her when she is on the verge of dropping off. She finds a dummy soothing, but everytime she jolts she drops it out and then we have to strat all over. It can take over an hour to get her to sleep. This is a problem as I also have a 3 year old dd to care for.

Speaking of DD1, she had a similar problem (I think), but we didn't understand what was happening and thought she had reflux. I am now beginning to wonder if it ws this jolting that was the problem. It really does make her squirm and does give the appearance of pain. She comes off the bottle and cries, but I actually think that the crying is because she thinks someone has taken the bottle away. If I hold her down to feed or she is asleep it is much better.

Anyway, I am now dealing with a viscious cycle of OT and I don't see how to get out of it. I remember the nightmare I had with DD1 and the effects of it lasted for months and months, with her only taking a bottle whilst being walked around the room.

Basically, DD2 feeds, nappy change, we talk to her for a bit and then begin wind down. This is where the jolts seem to start. I can't put her into her cot and hold her down as it doesn't work, I have to physically hold her limbs down and against my body, whilst shhhing loudly. She will then relax for a few minutes, before doing it again. The dummy helps, but as I say, she then loses it everytime a jolt happens and gets upset. This goes on for about an hour and then she falls asleep. Then I jave to wait the 20 minutes until she is in a deep sleep before I can out her down, oherwise it strats all over again. Obviously by the end she is OT and that must be wht makes the naps so short.  We have tried white noise to relax her, but I'm not sure if it makes any difference.

This is all so different to last week when it was so easy to get her down for her middle of the day naps. Even nighttime didn't take as long as it does now.

I really am finding this so hard. I know how short the time is that they are babies and that it all gets better in time, but I feel I can't ope with the here and now. I haven't got hours to spend getting her to sleep, especially when the reward is so short lived. Luckily my arends are helping me with DD1, but this really isn't fair on her.

My questions are, is this jolting normal? I don't know any other babies who do it, or at least who do it to such an extreme. Can anyone help me find a way to deal with it?

TIA

Lila xx

[~Alexa~]

(((HUGS lila)))

So let me see if I get this right...Your lo jolts and wakes up, but she doesn't cry?
have you tried shpatting for the first 20 min nonstop?
Have you treid applying pressure on her arms and legs nonstop for 20 min while she is in the cot?

How long are your lo's As?

Do you think she may have reflux? The pulling away from the bottle/breast sounds like reflux to me....As well as the refusal to sleep for naps and bedtime. 

[Isabella's Mummy (Lilab4)]

Hi! Thanks for replying. She does cry, but not constantly. She is consolable, either by using the dummy, white noise or changing position if she is held.

Our problem is that the jolts go on for much longer than 20 minutes. Tonight it has been going on for 3 hrs!! She hasn't got mega upset during this time (yet), but keeps jolting and waking!!

I don't seem able to read cues with her, so I really don't know what A time she can handle. She does best when she is literally fed, changed and put down. Trouble is that it is really hard with a 3yr old running around. That is why I am finding this so hard and am getting so upset. I aim to have her asleep 1hr after she wakes, but it rarely works out as she takes so long to drop off and gets herself OT.

TBH, I think I am a little bit too obsessed about getting her on easy and I don't know if I am expecting too much from her. I don't know what is normal for a 4 week old. My friends seem to have babies that just go to sleep when they are tired, albeit in someones arms or in a bouncy chair!! Maybe I am somehow trying to hard. Emily won't even stay asleep in her buggy now!!

As for reflux, I just don't know. She hasn't done it at all today. I am now wondering if when she is tired she is looking to suck and I misread that as wanting milk. Really she is full and hence she squirms?? I wish she could keep a dummy in, but using one seems to make the going to sleep process take even longer. Each time it falls out (very often) it's like we are back to square 1!!

Thanks again,
Lila

[~Alexa~]

Oh hun!! That sounds tough!! And I know it must be harder with a 3 yo around!

When you say she jolts and wakes, does she cry?

If you think the paci is not helping, then ditch it! My lo never took a paci and he is and was very happy about it.  I wasn't so happy b/c I wanted him to take it and fall asleep, but now I'm thankful I didn't use it b/c things get so much easier without one.  So, if you think that's what's waking her, then drop it.

Your lo is way too young, so it may also be that you are expecting too much! Try shpat and putting her to sleep independently, but if it doesnt work, don't worry, do whatever it takes to make her sleep (rock her, feed her, walk her around, etc) and try again for next nap.  But don't stress out of this! You will have LOTS of time for sleep training! My lo fell asleep on my chest from day 1 till he was 4 mo (when I committed fully to sleep training), and it only took me 1 week to make him an independent sleeper.  So, enjoy your DD and don't obsess about it. 
Also, I promise that 90% of the mommies don't tell the truth about their babies.  They always say their babies are the perfect sleepers, the perfect eaters, etc., but trust me that isn't true, unless their babies are from Mars!!

Hugs hun!! Take a look here.http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63243.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=65842.0

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=654.0

Hope this helps

[dkitto]

Lila (((((((hugs)))))) and I just wanted to let you know that we are having the same problem with the jots and waking up. It started over the last 2 nights, I put the dummy in she goes back off for about 10mins and then jolts again, dummy falls out and off we go.

Morning seems to be better for her and I did not want to swaddle her as it was hot so thing were worse which resulted in her feeding every 2/3 hours night and day.

Hope you have had an ok weekend and got some sleep more (((((hugs)))))

Donna x x

[Ernest's mum]

Hi there

I just wanted to say that we experienced something very similar.  Everything starts to change at around this age doesn't it.  We're still battling now (my LO is 12 weeks) but the best thing that worked for us (and hope this helps) is to cut right back on A time, and keep things really low key.  Watch like mad for tired signs and start winding down earlier than usual.  Also try not to wave too much infront of her or pass her round too many people, I found this really stimulated my LO.

Also dont beat yourself up about routines etc, try and stick to EASY if you can but I now just accept that things just go a bit wonky and you have to do what you can to get through the day and make your LO happy.

Do you darken your bedroom?  I resorted to putting up a black umbrella over the cot!!!

Good luck and hang on in there.

[jess, lukeys_mom]

same here! just wanted to pipe in and offer support as i also have a 4 week old and it is hard to get him to sleep. mine cries lots too. i agree with alexa about just comforting as much as possible and knowing that not all babies can be on easy from this young stage.

another thing to add - in the first 3-4 months of a lo's life their bodies are really working on night sleep. from 4 months naps become much more crucial. i would do your best with naps but try to work more on night sleep for now, and give the naps a little more time - you will get there.  ((hugs)) - i know it's tough with a toddler running around too!!!

[Isabella's Mummy (Lilab4)]

Thank you all so much!!! Today I went out and bought a sling. I am going to give it a go in the morning.

I am really am not enjoying DD2 and it was the same with DD1. I need to chill out a little, but it's all easier said than done. With DD1, I used to carry her around all day and she would nap 10 mins here and there. Night time was thankfully always ok (from 6 weeks) and she started to sleep through from 12 weeks. Then at 4 months, she always took a good 1-2 hr nap first thing and the rest of the day was wonky. That's when I found BW and by 6 months she was an amazing sleeper, naps and night time were always (teething, illness etc. aside) textbook. This time I wanted to get it right from the start. I hear and read that babies sleep 18 hrs a day at this age and thought I was doing something wrong first time round. I am beginning to see now though that I am not alone and maybe what I thought was normal isn't.

I just need to get through the day. More importantly, I need time for DD1. I am really hoping the sling will give me that, it's the mornings which are hardest. Getting everyone dressed and fed. I am going to try and be strict only with night time - as I was with DD1 from 6 weeks - and work on the naps when these stupid jolts have disappeared. I will do as suggested and still try the cot for naps, but I will TRY not to obsess over it. She is so tiny and I want to enjoy her but although I am saying all this, I know what I'm like. I find it very hard to relax. If Emily doesn't sleep I feel bad for her. She must get so very tired.

Ernests Mum - I think you are right about A time, but that's the trouble. With a toddler running around it's so hard to watch for cues and for her not to OS her sister. I love that she loves her and wants to talk and hold her, but I always feel like saying "leave her alone" Also, it seems that a poo and some hiccoughs are all it takes to miss the window to get her down at this age.

Donna - I hope things are better with you. It is so hard isn't it. Are you going to keep going with the dummy. I don't know what to do. I say Im not going to use it, then she gets upset and I give in as I know it will sooth her. I then regret 10 mins later!! Isabella didn't take one til she was 7 months old and doc recommended it when she ws unwell. By then she put it back in herself so it was never an issue.

Alexa - Thank you for your support. No, she jolts, loses the dummy, searches for it, jolts loads more and as she becomes more awake (quite quickly) she gets upset. This escalates into an all out cry unless I put the dummy back in.

Jess - How do you do it with another LO?

Lila xxx

[Isabella's Mummy (Lilab4)]

Alexa - I just read the stickies. It's the starting EASY one which got be stressed in the first place, but the how I survived the first 3 months one is great! Emily never feeds to sleep, she never has fallen asleep on the bottle and I no longer breast feed. She feeds every 3 hrs in the day (although there is generally only 2hrs between last night feed and first feed of the day?!, then she struggles to sleep and the next feed is usually a bit early too. Rest of the day gets back on track though). She goes down awake after night feeds and gets herself back off to sleep (most of the itme) too. I need to focus on the plus points. I think the day is just too stimulating for her, but I can't do much about it. I know that as she is able to handle more it will get easier. Just as it did with DD1. Let's face it, I blinked and she was 3!! I know this stage doesn't last long, but it sure is hard at the time!!!

I just remembered what happens when you post about good things on here, I am fully expecting a bad night now!!!

[dkitto]

I think we are sticking with the dummy for a bit, Maisie is a sucker  she can be on the breast for over an hour but not really getting much just sucking. I am trying to pop the dummy out when she is sleeping and try to use it after each feed for a few mins. Saying that when she is having her bad days its just to easy to pop it in and then like you say regret it 10 mins later 

Hope you have a good night tonight 

[IrinaSh]

Lila, I'm in the same boat - Ds is 2 weeks old and does exactly the same thing (he doesn't really jolt though, but loses/spits out binky and gets too agitated) and I too have a 12 mo running around.
Irina

[Isabella's Mummy (Lilab4)]

I think it's hard enough with a 3 y/o, how you guys with younger LOs cope I don't know!! I have seen how a close age gap pays off in the long run, but this part must be very hard. (((((Big Hugs))))) xx