PLEASE HELP!! 1 year old, wakes 3-6 times a night, end up co-sleeping

[Roseii]

Hi all

I would really appreciate some advice.

My baby girl is very nearly 1, she has never been a good sleeper. She rarely sleeps through and if she does it is 8 hours max.

I do know partly what the problem is: I rock her to sleep after her night bottle (in her darkened room) and put her down asleep, she generally stirs a bit then so I am sure she realises she is in bed, but then when she wakes in the night (like I say, 3-6 times a night) she gets very upset, stands up in her cot and screams until I go back in to settle her. Sometimes I give her her dummy back, lie her down and leave my hand on her back til she falls asleep, but generally I have to get her out and rock her back to sleep again which can take a while. Then 9 times out of 10 when I sneak her back into her cot she wakes up instantly, stands up and is screaming for me again. When this has happened more than a couple of times a night I am too shattered to attempt to settle her again so I end up bringing her in my bed which I would really rather not do, I am never comfortable once I do and neither is my hub.

I very recently stopped breastfeeding but I am pretty sure that has had neither negative or positive affect on her sleeping, she has always been perfectly happy to take a bottle.

I am thinking that the best approach would be gradual withdrawal? How do I go about this? What do I do when she won't even lie-down, screams, throws her dummy across the room and gets totally hysterical?? I work 2 days a week and it is getting really difficult to deal with her in the night then get up for work.

I would so appreciate some advice and/or plan of action!
Thank you x

[Julianne1984]

Hi just want to offer you some *hugs* it must be so hard for you!! I am having problems with my lo too so can't offer much advice? What about trying pu/pd as if she's standing screaming at you I imagine it would be even more difficult. Xx

[Roseii]

Thank you I just wonder if pu/pd might be a bit of a tease? I think she would end up even more upset...I wonder if I might just have to let her cry whilst I am in there, handing back the dummy every time she chucks it! I think I could just about handle that at bedtime, it's in the night I would really struggle to stay strong...
Good luck to you too x

[Julianne1984]

Yeah it is hard, we did it with our lo he woke up several times at night too around the age of 1, he's 15months now. How is her routine? It could be that she's ot/ut and finding it really hard to settle, the fact that she falls asleep with you makes me think she's ot... If there is a problem with her day sleep that can be sorted, then it could be that you won't need to do GW.  Xx

[Roseii]

Well i finally feel after months of bad routine that we have it sorted...i could be wrong though!!
She is up for the day about 7am
Bottle as soon as she wakes
Brek around 8.30am
Sleep around 10.30am for 1-2 hours (BUT, in her carseat, takes me too long to settle her in her cot, cheating I know!!)
Lunch 12.30/1pm
Sometimes a shorter sleep in the afternoon if we are at home, if we go out in the car she always falls asleep if journey is longer than 15 mins (OT?)
Bath approx 8pm, I know this is late but dad would never see her because of working hours if it was any earlier
On a good night she is asleep after a bottle and me rocking her at half 8...
Then the frequent night wakings that vary totally, sometimes she will sleep 4 hours solid then be up 3/4 times before 7am...

I truly don't know what to do to keep me sane, daddy happy and most importantly baby happy!!

Thanks v much xxx

[deckchariot]

At her age, I wouldn't recommend pu/pd - she's too big really to keep picking up.  Since she's never really been an independent sleeper, you're right, gradual withdrawal is the way to go.  Since she's used to being rocked to sleep, there are a couple of ways you can go - you could say "we're only going to rock for a few minutes tonight (some mums set a timer, or do a certain number of books/songs that you'll rock for), then mommy's going to put you in your bed, but I'll stay right here til you fall asleep."  And then, if you can lower the side of the crib so you're almost in the bed with her, that's great.  And you stay there, comforting her with your voice, your hand on her, rubbing, patting, holding her hand (you may need to experiment to see what works), and then you'd gradually move farther away from the crib til you're out of the room (at which point, it becomes wi/wo).  Or, you could just stop the rocking to sleep all together, and after the bottle, she goes in bed and you start gw from there.

Keep in mind, since it's been pretty much her whole life that she's needed you to go to sleep, it won't change quickly - you're probably looking at several weeks of very slowly withdrawing.  And the first few nights will probably be pretty awful.  That being said, it does work, and you'll be soooooooooooo glad you did it (and so will she, eventually).  So I'd make a plan with dh/dp and start when you're ready to be consistent.

here's a link on GW that might be helpful, and a support thread:  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=78858.0  and http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

hth
michelle

[louis-mummy]

Hugs, i have been there.

I would also recommend GW, as Michelle said it will take some time.  Also, there will be some tears but thats ok as you aren't leaving her to cry alone. 

If you are finding it really exhausting then try to sleep in her room on a mattress for the first couple of nights and GW from there.  I have been known to climb into his cot and fall asleep in there!!! (not recommended as you wake up very sore  )

It IS worth it, after a few nights good sleep and a refreshed babba you won't believe how good it feels

Good luck

[Roseii]

Thank you SO much for the responses, and for the link Deckchariot. I hope your LOs are doing much better now. I am actually looking forward to starting gw in a weird way!! I have got 2 weeks booked off work at the beginning of Nov and little one will be 13 1/2 months by that point so I think I will start then, i know I will just be too shattered to try it whilst working. Do you think I might make some headway in 2 weeks? Louis-Mummy how long did it take you and how old was your LO when you did it? I don't think I can get in her cot which is probably a good thing!! I will def try the mattress on the floor idea, thank you.
I saw on another thread someone suggested having an ipod at the ready when sitting in her room, I think i will try that. One thing I am not sure about, if she simply refuses to lie down, which I suspect is what will happen, what do I do? Do I physically try and lie her down or do I wait until she's so tired she does it herself??
Thanks so much, appreciate support and hugs and suggestions soooo much xxx

[louis-mummy]

Hi

if you can wait til November then yes do.  2 weeks should see you making some really good progress, its good that you are looking forward to making the change as you need to be 100% committed - you know how hard things can feel in the middle of the night.

one thing i just read the other day about gw is to withdraw/change some every few days so as not to create a new habit - sounds obvious now but gw took us a long time as he adjusted to me being on the floor next to him (cheeky monkey even started to call it mama's bed  )  Also i found it hard to bear ANY crying and gw does take longer then.

I think the ipod idea is to mask some of the crying noise? it is upsetting to us when you've spent so long doing whatever it takes to stop them from crying.   

I never found that Louis responded to well to being laid down and infact some babbas think that its a game then - although they are all different of course.  At first I used to hold his hand or put a hand on him but ONLY if he lay down (they do understand even at such a young age) Although i would stress that you need to be careful, even things like this can become a prop and as little intervention from you as possible is best.

good luck

[Roseii]

Hi all

I haven't started GW yet but I just had a couple of questions if you don't mind.

Is GW detailed in one of the BW books? I have Secrets of the Baby Whisperer but that is more about smaller babes from what I can see.

Also part of the problem is when LO wakes up without her dummy/paci in her mouth she screams, even though she knows how to put it back in she physically won't do it. Should I try and wean her off whilst sleep training? Has anyone got any tips? She is 12 1/2 months.

Thanks so much. xxxxxx

[deckchariot]

So sorry no one's been checking in on your thread....we've moved across the country, so I've been offline for awhile.  I don't have my books (packed in a box still across the country....)  But here is a link for GW:  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

In terms of the paci issue - personally, I would wean it.  If she's waking because it's not in her mouth and she won't replug it herself, it's a prop.  Here's a link on some ideas for weaning older bubs:  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=124372.0

Let me know if you've got specific questions on developing a GW plan that will work for you.  There are loads of mums here who've done it successfully!

[Roseii]

Oh thanks so much Deckchariot, I actually started a new thread (sneaky?! ) because I had a couple more questions and have had some wonderful help on there, I have also seen a couple of very detailed GW plans that I have saved and plan to print off! I am really quite worried though, I know I haven't even started yet but I just think it is going to be soooo hard and I am really worried I will give in...
And everyone on the other thread said I need to wean the paci too, I am going to check out that link you suggested now, thank you.
Hope your move went well and you are happy in your new home
x

[deckchariot]

I'll check out your new thread!  We're doing well, thank you!  You can do this - you'll have loads of support here!!!