28 mth old refusing to go to sleep/crying and whining

[abaker89]

My 28 mth old was doing really well the last few weeks, she would fall asleep at naptime within 5 min and bedtime within 15, no whining or crying and a very solid routine for both.  5 days ago she started refusing to go to sleep, she stands there and whines or cries, at naptime she poops after about 20 min (even though she pooped right before the nap) so I go and change her and then I still have to go in a 2nd time after that and then she goes to sleep but the process takes about 1 hr.  At bedtime, me keeps my dh in the room forever, and then does the same thing as naptime, minus the poop.  We have to go in at least 2-3 times and it takes an hour or more.  She is so exhausted when I go in, I hug her and she falls asleep on my shoulder.  Its like she just can't lay down or has forgotten how to lay down or something.  She is not playing, not sociable and seems like she wants to go to sleep but can't.  I have tried pain medication but it hasn't helped at all.  We have never had issues with her not falling asleep before and she has always gone very quickly.  I just can't figure out what is wrong.  Our schedule is/was:

wake 7:30
nap at 1ish (usually 75 min, sometimes a bit longer)
bed at 8

She can't handle much more A time in the morning, as she will then take a short OT nap.  Since this has been happening, she finally falls asleep around 6.5 hrs A time, cries at 20 min (so clearly OT) and then does manage to go back to sleep.  I am 7 mths pregnant and this is driving me nuts!

Any ideas??

Aileen

[*Natasha*]

I am going through this at the moment with my nearly 2yr old and hers is teeth related as she is cutting her last molar. Has she got all her teeth yet?

[abaker89]

She still has 3 molars to go but we never had this problem with the other teeth and pain medication has not helped at all!  It seems like she is now in the habit of doing this and I don't know how to make her stop.  I hate going in there 2-3 times over an hour period to get her to sleep, what a waste of time and energy!

[deckchariot]

When are you giving the pain meds?  We found that 30 min before sleep time was the most helpful (it does sound like maybe teething to me as well).  You mention that she's falling asleep at 6.5 hrs of A time and that appears to be OT, and am I correct then that you're starting the routine at 5.5 hrs of A time? (7:30 - 1)?  Have you tried starting it at 6 hrs of A time?  It's possible she's ready for more, so she fights it initially, but then fights it so long she gets OT.

It's also possible she's wanting some more mommy and daddy time - so I'd recommend using wi/wo - if she's crying, go in , tell her to go to bed, and go out - interact as little as possible.  Obviously, with the poopy diaper, I'd change it - not much to be done about that.

hth
michelle

[abaker89]

I have been giving the pain meds 1 hr prior since they seem to take a while to work for her.  Our schedule has worked perfectly for the last 2 weeks, having her asleep at 5.5 but now it takes an hour to get her to bed so it ends up being 6.5.  Since she does the same thing at bedtime, it seems like its not a schedule issue but if it keeps going, I will try 6 hrs A time.  I do wi/wo which basically ends up with me going in 2-3 times with about 20 min in between.  I wait to go in till the whining escalates.  Its just exhausting and I am so huge now so I hate all the up/downstairs when I used to rest.  She is exhausted too by the 2nd time that I go in, falling asleep on my shoulder as I hug her in the crib.  It seems like it might be behavioral but then she is so exhausted so that makes us think its something else.  One night, my dh went in when I was really worn out and he held her in the chair and she fell asleep on him.  She hasn't done anything like that in over a year!

[deckchariot]

With wi/wo, I wouldn't even hug her in the crib.  The idea with wi/wo is to use your voice to comfort her, so you open the door, say a key phrase (we use "it's time for night night, you need to go night night") and walk out.  We found with my dd that if we walked all the way in the room, she'd get more upset because she wanted us to come pick her up - so we'd just open the door, stick our head in, say our phrase, and close the door.  I even did it with my eyes closed so I wouldn't make eye contact with her.  Someone suggested to me that the idea is for you to be calm, but as uninteresting as possible.  So if you think it might be behavioral, I'd really watch how you're doing wi/wo - and if she's fallen asleep with you/on you, it certainly could be a behavior thing - perhaps a bit of SA going on, and hoping that she'll get some more mommy/daddy time at sleep time.

[abaker89]

Well, the good news is that she is no longer crying and whining but she doesn't fall asleep quickly still.  At naptime, we had some laying down "practice" and when I gave the last hug, I reminded her of the practice and that she should do that when I left.  She did lay down but didn't fall asleep for almost an hour, still around 6ish hrs A time!  At bedtime, my husband did the same thing and it took only 35 min so that is an improvement.  We have gotten very firm about the length of time he spends in her room, using a timer, and that seems to have helped too.  I guess I can just deal with this, she is quiet and I don't have to do anything.  Boy, does it seem like a lot of 28-30 mth olds are acting up right now!!  I guess maybe its the molars but at least I get to rest, I am exhausted, only 9 weeks to go...

[deckchariot]

could definitely be the molars!!!  But it looks like you're making some progress.  And you're right - if she's quiet, then I wouldn't worry too much - take the chance to rest, keep doing what you're doing!