Hello All,
This is my first post, so I'll offer up some background. ((sorry for how long this is))
I have a 3½ year old named Mia. She was an Angel/Textbook as a baby and still is. We did EASY with her.... almost before I even knew what EASY was! She's a very mild-mannered, easy-going kid. Fairly shy, but extremely bright as she is already starting to "build words" and spell. I thought that she was a super easy baby to parent and often kidded that if I could have 5 of her, I'd take 'em. I thought I had "the touch".
In early October, I quit my part-time job, removed Mia from daycare and began doing daycare for the daughter of my friends from church. Tahlia is 8½ months old and is definitely as spirited-grumpy and WOW am I humbled! I no longer think I have "the touch". As a bit of background, she is able to roll (everywhere) and is army-crawling, but she will not follow me.
I do generally subscribe to EASY with her here at home (it just seems natural to me)
ACTIVITY: I honed in on her temperament within the first few weeks..... at first, I thought she had a raging case of separation anxiety, but then I realized it was her temperament. She begins fussing within 5 minutes of her mother dropping her off. She cannot be settled unless she happens to be hungry enough to eat.... holding her doesn't help, nor does play or the jumperoo or with Mia. Many times, I have to put her into the crib in a fairly dimly lit nursery to get her to calm down. In fact, sleeping is just about the only time she is NOT fussy. She's not teething (that's a different cry--went thru that right as she started with me).
If she's awake, she pretty much demands to be held/cuddled or she will fuss until she is all-out screaming. I can MAYBE get her to play for 20 minutes at a time, twice a day, maybe 3x.
If she gets into something she shouldn't, she screams at me if *I* take it away from her, but she doesn't seem to care if Mia takes it away--so, consequently, I find myself asking Mia to "get that fuzzy out of Tahlia's hands".
And that leads me to this: She HATES TOYS. ... at least the ones appropriate to her age. She wants Mia's toys or something that is not appropriate for her safety (my watch, a comb, a metal fork, paper, etc.)
EATING: I used to feed her in the high chair, but she fussed constantly. So, I moved her to the Bumbo sitting on the counter (yes, she is safe as she's 17 lbs and does not have the strength to topple). If I am preparing her meal and she's not in the Bumbo, WWIII breaks out. She either bucks backward, wildly flings her head left or right or fusses when she's getting baby food (oddly, all this while mouth open for food and making "num num" sounds when she has a bite. For her bottle, she will not hold still to receive her bottle and will get mad if I try to keep her from rolling while giving her bottle. I can no longer allow her to just give herself a bottle as she will roll within 15 seconds of starting.... and with a level 3 nipple, that leaves the bottle leaking on the floor and her screaming that she's not being fed.
She has pretty much demanded she has a pacifier all the time, but will usually fuss (to a slightly lesser degree) even with it in her mouth. I understand spirited's have a strong need to suck all the time, but I know her parents do not want her to have a strong dependence on the binky as she gets closer to age 1. If she looses her binky and I approach her to give it to her, she gets mad if I do not pick her up.
SLEEPING: When it's time for nap, she usually does go to bed easily, which I understand is not usually characteristic of a spirited baby. However, she's extremely sensitive to sound, so the doorbell, telephone or door slamming will cause instant screaming.... this, despite her door being closed and me living in a fairly quiet, 8 year old home. But, when she wakes up, she usually screams bloody murder... and that's pretty much from the second she wakes up! And when I go in to get her, she doesn't become happy to see me (as Mia did), she screams louder, as if to say, "It's about f'ing time you get here. Could you not hear that I've been crying my f'ing eyes out for the last 5 minutes?"
OUTINGS: Generally, she likes car rides and errands. But I can't do that all-day, nor every day... especially since I live in the northern plains and it will soon be less-than-easy to get out. She will often fall asleep in the car, but only if it's near nap time. She will not, however, fall asleep while in the carrier, say at Target.
Her parents fully realize she's spirited and I think they do tend to cater to it (so as to minimize the outbursts).... using a Baby Bjorn or holding her a lot at home, or sleeping with her if she wakes up overnight and will not talk herself to sleep. Her mom has said to me at least 3 times, "if you ever need a break or if she's too much, please call me, or let me know if you need a day or two off." Well, she's a teacher, so it's not like leaving work is easy for her. And generally, having Tahlia spend 20-30 minutes in the crib gives her a chance to chill out and me a break... Their working hours provide that she gets less than 1 waking hour with them in the morning, and only 2-3 hours in the evening.... so part of me thinks she's just not getting enough mommy-daddy time (though, that will be lengthened soon as her mother's stint as the high school volleyball coach will be over by next weekend).
Here's my dilemma: I am her daycare provider, not her parent. As her care-giver, I do not think it is appropriate to engage in baby-wearing or constant holding ... I believe that is the job of the parent. I also do not want to send the message to Mia that Tahlia gets more of my attention because she fusses more. I have already started to notice Mia whining and fussing more since Tahlia joined us.
So, what do I do? I can't just keep her upstairs in the crib.... she sleeps too much and that's just not fair. But on the other hand, if she's downstairs, during her awake time, she fusses for at least half of the time. I know she's going to soon give up that morning nap, which means a longer awake time and more fussing. I do not want to give up on caring for her as she is a sweet baby when she isn't fussing. But the fussing!!!
Can someone point me to a resource (book, website, or even a thread) that has specific tips for caregivers? Like I said, I just cannot do baby-wearing or hold her as much as she wants to be held.
Thank you!
Melissa
