going slightly insane, please help

[*Jo*]

Ok so now im a bit confused, do i stay with him in his room or do i do wi/wo (age related)?? I dont fancy either but I know that i have to, also should i go over to the props board if this has become a prop? I didnt think the patting would become a prop at all.

DH thinks he had a blocked nose as well becuase he sounded forced breathing and once he started falling asleep his breathing would lighten and then stop and then he would wake up again. we brought the steam vaporiser into his room at 4.15am and he did fall asleep after that but it could have been coincidence. I just patted him lightly and he fell asleep, I left the room, he woke a couple mins later and a few times more but put himself back to sleep again. he woke up at 6.45am, i thought with an hour and a half (yes it was 4.40am by the time i went back to bed) missed in the night then surely he would sleep longer this morning but no.

so, over to the props board?

[*Jo*]

thanks Stacy, have posted there, now im wondering though, i just changed his nappy and he has the worst nappy rash ive ever seen him have, i literally had to cover his entire bottom wiht cream, he didnt have it two hours ago, seems like teething?? along with the NW's etc oh dear, its forever a guessing game

[Mashi]

I'm going to offer a different opinion to Stacy's....not meaning that I am trying to be argumentative or disagreeable, just that there is another way to see it is all I think.

With the SA that kicked in at night, I chose the opposite route.  My LO is waking at night (for whatever reason, waking as people do) and while he is awake he is suddenly frightened without me.  I don't take the approach that I need to give him minimal comfort or comfort him carefully, sorry but my child wants me and needs my comfort, I give it to him.  I refuse to let fear prevent me from offering hugs, cuddles, reassurance and comfort to my baby - especially not the fear that in future he may want MORE comforting because of it.  I chose to give DS all of the love in the world that he needed, who cares if it is 3am and I am tired, he's 10 months old and he's my child, and he's worried that I am not going to be there for him....not going to chase that fear away by being afraid to pick him up and give him a snuggle. Instead I reassured him by letting him know that when he needs me, I AM there for him, for love, for whatever.  I snuggled him, I shhhd, I sat beside his cot so he knew I was there. When I would try to tiptoe out and he realised it and cried out, I went back and said "sorry for trying to trick you, mommy's here until you're sound asleep!" and STAYED with him.

Contrary to what most people seem to think, this did not mean that he started waking in the night JUST to get those cuddles and sshing and back rubbing.  He was already a baby who could put himself back to sleep when he woke in the night, so this did not change that.  He knew that if he needed me I would come, if he didn't need me then he didn't call for me.  When the SA passed, after about 2 weeks, he went back to putting himself back to sleep on his own in the night, knowing fully that I was there for him if he wanted me.   I don't see the problem with it!!!   He's been a solid sleeper from this age on, rare NWs mostly due to teething and the very occassional lost lovey, but that's it. 

And, had that not been the case, then I would still go with giving as much comfort and hugs and snuggles as needed, and use GW to remove it when the SA has passed! 

[deb]

I agree with the wise and lovely Mashi - that's been our experience with Natalie, and I wish wish WISH I'd taken that tack with Josie as a baby. 

[annette.xx]

I feel like such a bad mummy reading that! I know in my heart that I need to be there for her - maybe all this trying to get out of the room business im going through at the moment is only a problem cos im making it one!

mashi that has really made me see things from both perspectives...now im thinking maybe I should just very gently deal with the wakings in a mummy loves you but its sleep time way while still staying with her!

mashi - when did you finally manage to get out of the room? i.e put him down and leave at a NW or EW?
do you always keep him in his room and just be there for him in the dark for reasurance so as to keep the its sleeptime message?

I still think Jo that maybe you should wean the patting to save your back and make it quicker for your LO to get to sleep but maybe just cut down the amount so instead of keeping your hand there when you go in just pat a few times until he feels comforted then stop and take away but stay with him and when he cries out a little stroke or pat again then straight off - maybe if you stay in the room with him the whole time and dont leave for the first night or 2 and just sit on the floor or even lay on the floor so you can keep comforting him with words...

gosh cant beleive how mashi has changed my panic striken feeling of needing to get out of the room - I now feel like I NEED to be in there for my little princess!!

Annette.xx

[Mashi]

I feel like such a bad mummy reading that! I know in my heart that I need to be there for her - maybe all this trying to get out of the room business im going through at the moment is only a problem cos im making it one!

i don't see it as a good parent vs bad parent issue. to me what makes a good parent is doing what is right for you and your child....staying with DS and giving him extra love and all of the security that he needed is what was right for the both of us. being afraid to give him that love out of fear of creating a "prop" at 10 months old is silly to me and so would not have been the right thing for me to do! but for some people and some LOs it IS the right thing to do, i just wanted to point out the other side of it!

mashi that has really made me see things from both perspectives...now im thinking maybe I should just very gently deal with the wakings in a mummy loves you but its sleep time way while still staying with her!

that's a lot of what i did, said "it's okay, mamma's here honey, go to sleep...etc" while rubbing his back or leaving my hand on his back.  when the nights came that i could NOT get out of his room because every time i neared the door he suddenly bolted up from what I thought was sleep, I would lie on his floor and whisper from there. he sensed i was there, and that was enough. sometimes i woke with him at 7am, sometimes i woke an hour later and went back to my own bed.  in the grand scheme of life it is a few weeks!!   

mashi - when did you finally manage to get out of the room? i.e put him down and leave at a NW or EW?
do you always keep him in his room and just be there for him in the dark for reasurance so as to keep the its sleeptime message?

since the 10/11 month old teething and SA spell, NWs and EWs have been pretty rare here so it's honestly hard to say. We moved when he was 12 months old and so had about a week of nightmare bedtimes and NWs because he did not know where he was, where his old cot was, his old bedroom and so on, but that is to be expected.  i've had a good dozen NWs in the past month while he has been cutting all 4 molars and canines but i generally go in, make sure he has his lovey, roll him onto his tummy (how he sleeps best) and pat his back and shh for a moment. Sometimes he goes back to sleep asap and other times when i walk out he is awake...sometimes he waves bye bye to me and other times he cries out. If he cries out I usually say "mommy's just going pee pee" and close his door and wait a few minutes. Usually there is not a peep from him, perhaps a moan and he's fine.  EWs are also rare, I go in and see if he has woken for lovey, if he will be parented back to sleep and so on...if he's not asleep in 10-15 minutes I leave him to play or go back to sleep, and I go back to bed until either he starts crying or it's near 7am!  EWs here are always routine issues though so i am usually able to sort it in a day or two! I had my share of them when he was a baby though so I know the torture that they are!

[*Jo*]

wow alot has been posted in the night I mustve been tuned into you Mashi cos I went to him both times that he woke in the night just to comfort him and i gently patted him, within 3-5 mins he was back asleep again, so im not sure whats going on with him but I was determined to give him what he needed. I think you are right that he knows how to sttn so if hes waking then there is a need, and it must just be me at the moment. I did notice that as soon as I put him back on his tummy he calmed down, almost like he was ready to go back to sleep just knowing i had come into the room. I am thinking about setting up a wee bed of some sorts for myself if the NW's get long again then I can just be there for him. However i cant just whisper or say anything to him because he doesnt like it, he prefers my touch to comfort him

There was still a slightly early wakeup but I think i would rather that than the 1.5hrs+ wakings in teh night

[*Jo*]

so last night was a bit rough for us. we went to a friends house for dinner and he usually goes to sleep fine there but no he screamed and cried for half an hour finally going to sleep (with patting) at 9pm, took him home at 10.30 where he went straight to sleep fine. he woke up at 2.45 and DH had to pat until 3.30 am to get him back to sleep, then he was up at 6.30 so less than 9 hours sleep!I do feel like im going out of my head a bit. Naps in the day are perfect, he needs no help (unless I miss the window)