Concerned: 2 year old not self-feeding

[DaninBlake]

Hi, this is my first post but I'm losing it and so is DH. Our DS is 2yrs3mos old and is so unenthused by "meal" foods that we still feed him. He will self-feed goldfish crackers and dry cereal, that is until he's bored or done and then chucks them on the floor. He was very good and eating fresh, not cooked, veggies (likes crunch), but lately is not interested much in eating at all. Just throws things. He throws his milk too so we often still hold the cup for him. We are so tired of hand feeding him it is absurd but otherwise it's on the floor and he's eaten nothing. Losing patience... He's a late talker (not talking at all yet) - I'm wondering if there's any link to feeding and speaking independence - some oral stage thing or something? help! He understands everything, including how stressed we are about it I'm sure!

[speechie]

Hi there and welcome to BW!
Sounds like meals have become frustrating for you. There can be a link between kids who are late talkers and poor oral phase swallowing problems- low tone, drooling, etc. But given that your LO is eating crunchy foods, that's pretty good. I'm actually wondering if he's got all of his molars yet? My LO is working on his last set of molars and it does cause him to eat less, throw things...etc etc.
Just a thought?
Have you kept a food diary of all that he does eat independently for a week?

[anielasmommy]

how does he do on soft food ie pudding, oatmeal ect? if it is his teeth he should do better with things he wont have to chew...
since he's two he most likely would only really want to eat finger foods anyways plus 2 y/o are usually very picky eaters.
my nephew is 2 going on 3 and he hardly talks but he definately understands everything. hes a VERY picky eater and unfortunately his mom gives him cookies and ice cream if he wont eat dinner...but at MY house he cant have those things b/c we dont have them! so I tell him you eat your dinner or you will have nothing to eat and sometimes it takes him a couple hours but we he's really hungry he eats!
also what do you give him the milk in a sippy cup or a regular cup? my nephew started throwing his sippy cup b/c he wanted a "big boy" cup but nobody realized it b/c he wont talk. he just kept pointing to my glass one day and throwing his sippy cup so I asked him if he wanted it in a glass and he nodded. since then he just drinks from a plastic cup

[Katet]

Sometime around 2yo children's growth slows down & they often eat A LOT less than they do at 1/1.5yo ... many would say they live on air.
I wonder if he actually doesn't feed quite simply because he doesn't have the appetite he used to.

Offer a balanced diet at meals & maybe snacks if they work for you & tell yourself "toddlers never let themselves starve"
Also look at how much milk he takes... if he is having about 600ml (20oz)/day then chances are reasonable he isn't needing that much food, so maybe also cut back on milk... 30g (1oz) of cheese has as much calcium as 200ml (7oz) of milk.

[DaninBlake]

Wow - thanks so much for the replies - I feel loved!
He did get all his molars about 2 months ago - prior to that he had stopped putting everything in his mouth but since teething for those big teeth chewing on everything is a habit that is back in full force.

I never thought to try him with a big cup - always afraid he'd throw it. I'll try today

I'd love to give him cheese, but oh no, he does not like cheese. Yuck and get it away from me mommy! He likes soft things: he eats oatmeal cereal with fruit (all very pudding-consistency) and loves tofu dessert. We just have to spoon feed him. The other day we told him he needs to hold his cup and he cried. Does not seem into the "big boy" thing yet. In a pinch I give him PB and banana sandwich in bite-size pieces, that works well. I will start a self-feeding diary for a week, great idea.

I think he may be frustrated by not talking. Throwing his (insert noun of your choice) may be his way of expressing himself. My friend wondered if I should teach him more signs. He knows drink and more and will lead me somewhere by the hand to show me other things he's needing. Will teaching him more signs further delay speaking?

[anielasmommy]

absolutely not, it promotes communication and will interest him in learning further communication because you will understand him easierand he will respond to that. when he points to things or shows you things do you say what they are? have you thought about flash cards?

[maggieruth]

just to comment on the signing, my ds1 LOVED signing and we were amazed what he could do when his friends were just saying one word at a time (that often only the parents understood). we didn't push any signs but just used them when we were talking to him.  we were amazed when he started signing please and thank you and the ladies at his nursery who initially weren't interested in sign at all were completely won over (since then the nursery signs with everyone).  soon he realised that he was more likely to get a treat if he asked by saying please as well
my favourite was long after he could talk when he would ask for a cookie or ice cream and emphasise his PLEASE by signing it as well (very much with a LOOK, I'VE ASKED POLITELY NOW GET IT ALREADY thing going on!!!!)
it is so much easier for los to learn to coordinate communication when it is hands that they can see vs some random movement they are trying to copy inside your mouth
i also think that its great that he eats a variety of textures AND colours too
keep posting and letting us know how its going!
x

[DaninBlake]

Hi! I'm so excited! Usually for lunch DS eats little bite-sized "sandwiches" of ryvita crisp bread and refried beans (he loves salty things). So today he wanted some of the beans on their own. So, I put a dollop on the plate and gave him a little fork and the little champ USED THE FORK!!!!! He took a good long time moving the beans around with the fork and was very pleased when he got it in his mouth! I realize this usually happens for mommies over "a year ago" in their LO's growth but I am so happy!!!! We just took our time, made a small mess, enjoyed every moment of it. I think he felt good about it

Thougth I'd share that little entry of the self-feeding diary! Now, must learn more signs mommy...

My sincerest thanks for all your input. I think we sometimes feel alone in our home with our LO and it is heart-warming to hear from people. Thank you I loved Tracy's books when LO was a baby and I'm so grateful for the support during the toddler years as well! All your thoughts are much appreciated!

[maggieruth]

great result!  i am so with you on sometimes feeling alone...
its nice that he was as proud as you

[anielasmommy]

im so happy he did it! just keep encouraging him and im sure he'll keep it up! (((hugs)))

[speechie]

hooray!!
I agree w/pps about signing- by the way! Has he been assessed by a speech therapist to give you any tips about how to encourage his verbal expression? Signing will definitely increase his ability to communicate.