new momma, new to EASY, have questions!

[First Time Mom]

Hi Cecilia, I just wanted to pop on and say YES, enjoy your darling, it WILL go by fast. I love my darling ds every second of the day and I enjoy that he can do things now (like laugh the cutest laugh in the world) but it does make me tear up when I think back to his early weeks as his "newborn" days/weeks are gone forever. He's now almost 6 months and I just want to freeze time!!

BW is all about routine, not so much "schedule" and the one thing Tracy always stressed was to listen to your lo's cues, so if that means the routine changes or is off somewhat then you follow it! Ie. today, my ds's first nap was delayed due to 3 extra diapers! Well, before I knew it we were an hour into what should have been his nap. He ended up only sleeping for an hour. Oh well. An hour later, he was totally tired again so I put him down for another nap and he slept. That's listening to his cues instead of saying "no Graydon, you've only had an hour of A time, no sleep for you yet!" . I also say to try and not stress out as I swear the los feel stress from us and things are so much easier to deal with when we are calm and relaxed!

[Jiinx]

just wanted to see how you were doing, cecilia?

[cecilia2010]

Better... trying to get my baby healthy again. I think she's getting better and that it's thankfully just her first cold. No fever, just congestion, sneezing and coughing. Fingers crossed!

I would love to hear from you both how it gets better...? I think, on top of my exhaustion, sleep deprivation, general new mother anxiety (which is almost gone) and everything else... is some impatience for a time when she will be easier to deal with. People keep telling me it will be easier, but I wonder what will be...? I think the only thing I really care about, actually, is getting at least 5-6 straight hours of sleep again at some point. We thought she was going to sleep through the night, but the illness seems to have interrupted that. Last night she was up every 2 hours or so because she was either miserable or hungry or both, poor thing. It was hard on me, as I am already so tired. Husband is going to try and take over tonight, but we'll have to see how that goes... 

She is 8 weeks on Monday... isn't that when they are supposed to be sleeping through the night? I hope she will do that again once she is better. We had a few nights of that before she got sick and it was heavenly.

I've been reading some articles on transitioning to motherhood. I went from a full-time design career and being extremely independent to basically spending most of my days on the ground floor of our loft taking care of Josephine with not a lot of time outside of the house. I am too mistrustful of nannies at this point to bring someone in part-time, but that is what is needed. I need to get a break a few times a week, and I just can't figure out how to get it. Even if I leave her with my husband for a while, I always feel like I have to come rushing back to prevent her from having a melt-down because he's missed a 'put me to bed' cue. I don't know, maybe I just need to get over that. It's not the end of the world if she cries too much some of the time. And he's not that bad with her. Maybe in time I can teach her how to put her to bed. He's already learned a lot, I'm sure he can learn more in time. I need to remember he is a first-time parent too, with far less time to learn the ropes than I have had.

So... yeah... the best thing you could do for me right now, if you have the time, is to tell me how it gets easier. And also, any tips you might have to share on getting them to sleep through the night.

Tracy's other book (TBWSAYP) got her yesterday... I will try to read that when I can as well.

Thanks again, ladies! Hope you and your babies are well!

[First Time Mom]

I hope your darling is over her cold soon, it's hard to watch them struggle when they are sick and it makes the nights that much harder.

I don't have tips on how to get them to sleep through the night unfortunately. But there are ways that you can adjust their feeds to "tank" them up during the day so they will sleep longer at night. All babies are different, my dd slept through from 4 months and ds is almost 6 months and sometimes sleeps through but usually wakes around midnight and again 4-5ish for a feed. I am crazy tired but it's ok as I know how quickly he will grow and he is my last baby so I cherish all of it, good and bad. I'm a big one for following their cues more than a set schedule, but still following EASY with flexible times for feeds. Naps are pretty much set and bedtime I really stick with. Perhaps go on the bfing board to help them tweak your feeding routine? I also always cluster fed late in the day, that always seemed to help. My dd also had a DF but my DS does not, he's out cold when he sleeps and won't feed in his sleep.

I think it will get better for you as each week passes. Your lo is still so young so it's hard but you will see a natural routine starting to set in. You will also really enjoy it once your lo starts to look for you, smile, and your heart will melt into a river the first time she laughs for you. In the beginning babies are such small blobs but in no time these little blobs start to show their personalities and love for you that it makes it hard to wait out their naps and sleep time, you almost want to wake them to play with them as you miss them when they nap!

Girl, you need to get out of the house! Being couped up, especially when you are used to having a career can do you in! I know when I had my first I stayed in lots in the beginning and I went nuts, I was so used to working and only taking care of me (and dh)!. I joined all sorts of mommy/baby groups and that helped me like crazy, look into baby classes or even fitness classes for mommies, it will help. I ended up getting a nanny when dd was 12 months but interviewed 15 to find the one I liked and she was with us for years, we loved her like family and still see her and keep in touch. This time I decided not to take a mat leave so I'm still working but I get to decide for the most part, when I work and how much. Don't feel guilty about getting a nanny if you need to, it will give you a break. When we first hired ours I spent 2 weeks with her and dd to get to know her before I left them alone, and at first you leave for short intervals (like take a Starbucks run) and come back to surprise to see what they are up to and how the nanny is doing. Eventually, you go with your gut and know if the nanny is great or not. As for your husband, leave the house and turn a blind eye and trust that he is doing the best he can! He will not do any damage to dd by missing a nap cue and it will save your sanity!

[cecilia2010]

Hi FTM... yes, it is hard seeing her struggle with the congestion. I got an aspirator bulb though, that with saline drops seems to be helping a lot. She is much better today.

We had a very good night last night! She did two almost 5-hour stretches and my wonderful DH did the feeding inbetween so that I could SLEEEEEEEP! And I did - yeah! I feel like a new woman today! At some point, I'm sure she will cross over into sleeping for longer stretches, I'm not going to stress about it unless it becomes a problem. And I have a feeling it won't.

Not sure, but she may be slipping in to her routine... she did a long nap yesterday morning, two afternoon naps and then I put her to bed at 7pm. Getting her to bed earlier *definitely* seems to be the right thing to do. Her beautiful little face looked so much more rested this morning, even with the congestion she still has.

She is an amazing baby. You mentioned cooing and laughing, etc.... well, she is already doing that, and then some! She talks a lot, actually and we get sweet smiles every time she wakes up from a nap. Seeing her smiling face in the morning is all the reward I need for however hard this has been. But yes, I do look forward to the days when she will be even more responsive, only because I love her so much I can't wait to be able to interact with her more. As you said, she is so little right now and gets tired pretty quickly. It will be nice when she is able to handle longer periods of playing.

Thanks for the feedback and I agree with you that I need to get out more. It's been hard because it's very rainy here in California. But I think I should find a group, as you said. It would definitely help to meet with other new moms who are going through this.

[First Time Mom]

Oh I'm so glad to hear you had a better night! It does sound like she's getting into routine. Keep us posted!

[Jiinx]

hi cecilia! So sorry about the delay My lo doesn't like sleep apparently hehe

SO, when did it get easier for me? well..not until about 5 months. She was born quite peaceful. She just slept, ate and stayed up for a bit. It was like clockwork.

Then the crying happened at about 2 months. Everyone told me that "it's normal" and "she needs to get used to situations, and people." I COULD write about my frustrations about people's opinions of YOUR baby but that can be for another day

She has/had acid reflux which caused her to CRY even when someone coughed. Or someone sneezed. If she got too stimulated she would come home and scream. I was in agony and felt so helpless.

She's gotten older and is on medication and is so laid back and go with the flow (except at night when she wants to go to bed. stat.)

I think a lot of being a mother is your outlook on how things are going. I left my job(s), moved to a new place..lost touch with a few friends. However, I was okay with it. I had a brand new life in my hands. I knew my life wouldn't be the same, but I told myself that I'm "trading" (not a good word, but I can't think of a good word) it to shape and help mold a beautiful girl's life. I get to stay home and watch her "grow". Literally! It gets easier when their A time extends more than 1 hour and half and their life doesn't revolve around sleeping and eating. It gets easier when they start growing mentally and physically. It gets better when you look into their beautiful face and smile and they catch your eyes and smile back and extend their arms to you. It brings tears to my eyes how beautiful motherhood is. BUT and this is a big but, motherhood isn't EASY and isn't always a natural fit for some mothers! It takes time! Your body's been through a lot..your baby is new and you both need time to get to know each other. EASY helps with that..and even it's a flexible EASY..it helps predict their cues

It was really hard trying to stay on EASY. I was in her room hours upon hours extending her naps. However, I was really okay with that. The housework got delayed and stuff..but it was fine. I did what I could. And that's what it's about: You do what you can. No one is standing over you with a check list saying you have to do this this and this, yk?

Enjoy Your baby will have good days and bad days. Sleep will sort itself out...in the meantime you may regret not spending those frustrated moments hugging and cuddling her instead

[cecilia2010]

Hi Jlinx, nice to hear from you... motherhood is a huge change, indeed. What's interesting to me is how little people talk about it. The difficult aspects of it don't seem to be talked about much, at least not in my world. Although my world is not full of lot of moms, could be part of the reason.

And actually, I've found the entire birth process to be sorely under-discussed (is that a word...? or has sleep deprivation completed rotted my brain...? lol). I mean, I had a C-section, right? Everyone was like, 'oh, if you end up having a C-section, no big deal...' Um, it was a HUGE deal for me and waaaay harder than I thought it would be. It definitely messed up BFing (which I eventually gave up) and I wish someone could have sat me down and explained that I was going to need a lot more help than I had on hand. I have a lovely friend who came every day for about a week and a half and that got us through. But I don't know what I would have done without her as my DH works full-time.

So, yeah... huge transition and as much as I wanted to become a mother and love being a mother... it is different in some ways than I thought it would be. I think I just didn't expect it to be so hard at times. It's not always hard though. As I told FTM, I'm already getting the most beautiful smiles and cooing. Those are heavenly. I will just die when she starts reaching out her arms to me/us.

Anyway, for me the hardest thing is the sleep deprivation. I can take her crying (and I am totally lucky, she's an Angel baby). I can take endless diaperings and feedings and housework piling up... but the lack of sleep just ruins me. I am not the same person without enough sleep and my ability to cope and function really flies out the window after a few straight days of not sleeping at least a little bit. But... I think, as I said, that we've found a way to make this work. If my DH can keep pitching in like that, I can get enough to feel like a human being again the next day and get through and maybe even enjoy it, doggone it!

I should say sleep deprivation + occasional breaks. Now that we've (hopefully!) got sleep back under control, I am going to focus on how I can get breaks and get out of the house a bit more. I love taking her out for walks, but am hesitant to do that while she is still sick. So... a few more days of being patient. I guess I could research mommy groups in the meantime.

I'm really glad I found Tracy's book and the EASY method. I got up to speed on my baby's cues a lot faster with it. I totally was not getting that she needed to sleep more (more naps, earlier to bed at night.) I feel terrible that I made her over-tired because I couldn't figure out the darn cues (!!!) but I know it won't do her any permanent harm. I thought she had a problem going down for naps and sleep at night, but it was just that she was so over-tired by the time I would put her down that she was upset (understandably!). Now that I have a clue, she is pretty darn easy to put down, actually. Sometimes it takes as long as 1/2 hour of me going in and out to settle her, but I'm finding that as I respond better to her need for sleep, she goes down easier and easier. Just now she went down with me only having to settle her once -- is that awesome, or what?

I have been wondering/thinking that it's possible that there are a lot of parents out there who thinking they have 'problem' babies or colicky babies... when in fact, they are misreading cues. I know I sure was.

Anyway... thanks again and I appreciate the input on how/when it will get easier. I know motherhood is hard work and I am totally up for it... but it's good to know there will be easier days down the road.

Take care and talk to you another time.

[Jiinx]

*hugs* you sound in better spirits. I'm glad you got some rest and some breaks.

I agree with you whole - heartedly. I'm sure there are many parents (mine for sure) that didn't know why their baby would be crying and just feed them or give them a pacifier. My mom said I would cry all night..but maybe I had reflux or gas or..? So, yes Tracy Hogg has worked miracles in my life and has made me read my baby quite well.

will be watching the EASY boards if you ever have another question

[cecilia2010]

Hey Jlinx... another question for ya:

Is there a page/link on this site (or in Tracy's books) that gives a general idea of what length of A and S at various ages...? When I first posted here, she was just 6 weeks... well, she's almost 8 weeks now and I'm wondering when I can expect things to start changing in terms of how much she needs per day, etc. I see a lot of women posting here about how things 'change' and I'm wondering if there is a way to anticipate based on their development...?

Thanks again!

BTW... she slept fantastic last night: a DF at 11:15 and then she didn't wake up again until 4:45a this morning. Woohoo!

Of course, I have now been having trouble getting her to take a nap this morning, but I hopefully just got her down...

[Jiinx]

there sure is, hun!
Here ya go:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=84884.0

congrats on the good nights. Please post again if you're having trouble with EASY. We're all here to help.