What method did you use to settle your Grumpy/Touchy little one?

[arabesque]

Hello

I've just discovered that DS2 (4 weeks old) is a touchy/grumpy baby. He doesn't respond well to swaddling, shh/pat, cuddling or the like before naps. The only thing that seems to work is leaving him to mantra - but he can resist naps for a long time...up to an hour and a half! He's not crying all that time. He'll go quiet for 10/15/20min gaps, then cry again.

What method did you use to settle your Grumpy/Touchy little one?

Thanks

[becky1969]

My son is touchy.  He loved the swaddle, but it had to be TIGHT!!!! So tight you wouldn't even be able to fit a credit card between him and the blanket.  Miracle blanket worked wonders -- all other blankets weren't tight enough and he complained.  Any little movement in his body woke him.

The main thing with touchies/grumpies is getting the timing right.  Let's go over your routine to make sure that's sound first, and then hopefully others will give you some soothing techniques for when timing is off! But most touchies are VERY sensitive to being OT -- at 4 weeks old even 5 minutes can make the difference between a child who goes to sleep easily, and one who cries for an hour.

[arabesque]

Thanks Becky

DS1 was touchy/textbook and the few minutes really made a difference to his routine! He was a very independent boy though. He hated shh/pat and one day I walked out of his room in frustration and he went to sleep, just like that. Turns out he didn't want me trying to help him get to sleep, he wanted to do it by himself. 

New DS2 is a whole different kettle of fish. We've tried numerous strategies which all don't seem to work. I'm really reluctant to use a dummy because it may become a prop (it did for DS1 and scarred me for life!) and also because DS2 rejects it often and it doesn't seem to work consistently for him. That said, sometimes I think I'd LOVE a prop...something, anything, that will guarantee he goes to sleep!!

Anyway, he's in for nap 1 now with the least fuss ever. Nap one has only once been longer than 45min. So I expect him up any minute! We put him on his tummy, body swaddled and arms out. He's caught a cold from DS1 and is very snotty and blocked up, so tummy seemed idea. He was asleep within 10mins. However, he started stirring this morning at 6:30am, fed at 6:55, in bed by 8:10. So he will wake VERY early for his 10am feed if he does the expected 45min nap. How do I resettle when he hates shh/pat and it works him up more?

Our routine is:

E 7am
S 8:15ish but sometimes he's still mantraing with 15 min gaps at 9/9:30

E 10am
S 11:15 (surprisingly he's wide awake for this feed and has a *long* awake time gien that he's had crappy morning nap)

E 1pm (often difficult to wake here...lots of poking, wet cloths etc)
S 2:10ish (often very tired in arvo...never seems to fully wake from naps)

E 4pm (nightmare to wake him here, with the exception of yesterday when he mantraed until 3:30pm from his last nap before sleeping)
S 5:15 AP a catnap in rocker/Maya wrap for around 45min

E 6:10pm
S 7pm, often mantras on and off for 1/2 hr.

E 10pm DF...very difficult to get him to feed. End up stripping him off, wet cloths etc, still just rouses him and he doesn't wake 

And last night he woke with burpy pain at 11:50 - DH burped him and he mantraed back to sleep. Then fed 2:20, then stirred at 6:30am. Night before fed 3am, then 7am.

Thanks Becky. I'm at my wits end. Yesterday's napping was horrid. Thanks for your help.

Ah, that's him awake now from a 45. Boo!

[arabesque]

So he's awake at 9:05 following a 45min nap. 1st nap of the day. He's wide awake, mantra-ing and sucking on his hand (unswaddled hands as he's on tummy).

My concerns:
If I go and get him up, then he'll just want to feed, I know it.

If I get him up, then we begin a cycle of Feed, Sleep, Activity...because by the next feed he may be so OT that he feeds to sleep then wakes early for next feed, etc. I did say that yesterday he was wide awake for 10am feed and following...maybe I SHOULD get him up?

If I get him up, that will teach him to wake at 45min and want and AP-ed nap extention.

This is so hard. Really getting me down. Lots of tears being shed here


ETA: So I got him up and put him in the Maya Wrap. He's still really unsettled, crying hard in bursts, no different to if he was left in bed. Sucked his thumb for a few minutes (with my help to find it). Oh I can't wait til he can become a thumb sucker!! How do you encourage a 4 week old baby to find their thumb and be coordinated enought o get it in when needed

[JennŠ]

When mine was at the grumpy/touchy stage, I put her at one end of the crib, turned sideways.  Thus, bars nearby on 3 sides of her.  Smaller, cozier space.  She also did better with me just placing a hand on her rump.   

[becky1969]

You can't really get a 4 week old to find their thumb, I'm afraid.  It's sort of like asking them to start reading, LOL! They simply don't have the skills.

I'm wondering why you're swaddling with arms out? The arms are the LAST thing they learn to control, and with a touchy good lord, they are sensitive to every little movement which may in part explain the waking at the 45 min mark -- he comes to a light sleep phase and his arms jerk which wake him up.

So have you tried swaddling with arms in? Did he hate it? Crying for the first couple of minutes is totally normal, esp. with a touchy -- touchies hate change.  So they are mad at you for changing things by swaddling them, but then after they've been that way for a couple of minutes they think "Hmmm.  Guess this ain't so bad.  Wait, why was I crying? I can't remember....feeling sleepy...."   

I also can see part of your problem is too long of an A time.  At this age, my guess is he can only handle 45-60 minutes of awake time.  At this tender age, touchies are so easily overstimulated that they tend to need LESS A time, not more.  So I'd go with 45 minutes to start.  From teh example you gave (awake at 6:30, back in bed at 8:10)  that's 1h40! That's what a 4 MONTH old would do!  So, let's back WAY down on the activity.


Also, like I said with touchies overstimulation is soooooooo easy for them.  So it's imperative to keep things as calm, quiet, dark, etc. as possible.  If you haven't started using white noise, now is the time to try! We used (and use) a HEPA filter with my son -- keeps the air clean plus is super loud.  We use it on the high setting.  Seriously, it's almost as loud as running a vaccuum in his room, and he LOVES it!



I have more stuff to say, but gotta put my son down for a nap.  Be back later! Reply to this so I can find you easily again! 

[arabesque]

Hi again

I've only ever left DS's arms out when he was on his tummy, which I was trying to aid with his reflux and to see if that helped him sleep longer. When he's on his back or side he's swaddled with both arms in. I know crying for a few minutes is normal (DS1 was Touchy too) but DS2 can cry on and off for an hour. This morning is a great example. I did exactly what I did yesterday morning when he was quiet within 3 minutes and slept 1h5m. Today however he went quiet within a few minutes, was silent for 20 mins, and has been crying on and off since he woke at the 20min mark. His cries aren't angry or loud, and very stop start. I consider this his mantra. Maybe I'm wrong.

DS is only awake for long A times because I/he can't get him to sleep. I've never kept him up that long intentionally. When he wakes before 7am he's given the dummy or a feed and then we endeavour to get him back to sleep. He has always nodded off to some degree for at least a few minutes before 7am. So an 8:10 bedtime is following a wakeup at 7am, even if it's from a 10min nap.

Yesterday he was quiet for all naps within 5 minutes. No dummy, wrapped with arms in, radio on, on his side, room dark. Today that method doesn't seem to be working.

We use a radio set slightly off station for white noise. We've been using this since the day he came home from hospital.