Toddler won't go to sleep for mom, but will for dad- modified GW

[daehnolem]

I have slept beside my 20 month old son almost every single night of his life.  When I night weaned him, he decided to use my hair as his prop instead.  I slept in his toddler bed with him because he wouldn't sleep without someone with him.  To wean him off my hair, I put on a swim cap to hide it while I laid down with him to get him to sleep.  A couple of weeks ago, I decided to try out a method I found on someone's blog to get Ben to sleep on his own.  It starts with sitting in a chair outside the bedroom the first two nights and the third night being in another room, but close enough that he can hear me.  It all worked great until the fourth night, and I went back to the chair.  Now, he will get out of bed and run out of the room over and over and over again.  He thinks it's a great game.  I very calmly lead him back to his bed, help him back in, and tell him it's time to go to sleep.  I don't make eye contact or chat him or anything.  But he still thinks it's hilarious, and he will continue to get out of bed at least twice per five minutes, if not more.
  
He will go to sleep for my husband.  DH picks him up and gives him a snuggle.  He lays him down in his bed and talks to him about how he needs to go to sleep.  Ben will get out of bed for DH maybe twice, tops.  One of us still has to sit in the chair for him to fall asleep, but when it's his dad sitting there, he will actually try to sleep instead of just playing in bed (in between rushing out the door) like he does for me.  --Also, I have put up a baby gate in his doorway, so he can't run out, but it's doesn't seem to deter him in the least.

Last night, I tried doing things my husband's way.  Here's the difference in how he responds to each of us:  DH lays him down, gives him a kiss, and tells him, "It's time to go to sleep Benji."  Ben will shut his eyes really tight and try to go to sleep.  When I do the same, he shakes his head, says no, and laughs about it.  He's not being naughty; he just thinks bedtime is a fun game with Mom.  I don't know what to do to show him it's not a game, and he needs to go to sleep.  Like most of his sleep issues throughout his life, I'm sure it's something I've done to give him this attitude, but unfortunately, I just can't see it.  
Anyway, sorry this is so long.  I hope someone has some insight on the situation.  

TIA!  
~B

[*Becky*]

bumping up for you x

[deckchariot]

{{{{hugs}}}} It sounds like he's never really been an independent sleeper, and that you've been the prop for him.  Is there any way that dh can do bedtime with GW until he's learned to go to sleep on his own?  You may need to slow down the GW process - if you do, since you were laying in his bed with him, now try laying on the floor next to his bed - or stick with the chair, but turn your back to him so he can't see you.  If he gets out of bed, put him back in bed, try not to make eye contact and if you speak, say the exact same phrase dh uses.  Then every few nights, move the chair further away til you're out of the room.  But if he absolutely won't settle with you, I'd see if dh can do it, and just keep moving the chair further away til he's out of the room, and then you should be able to put him down as well, because he will know how to go to sleep on his own.

[daehnolem]

Thanks for the response   He's been able to get himself to sleep for a little while now.  He doesn't do the jumping out of bed a million times during nap.  I just put him in his bed, make sure he has his stuffed animals, give him a kiss, and go sit in the chair at the door.  He might get out of bed once or twice, but it generally doesn't take long for him to go to sleep.  It's just bedtime that we have the problem.
Surprisingly, he only got out of bed once tonight when I put him to bed.  I took him back and when I laid him down I told him not to get out of bed and to go to sleep a couple of times.  I don't know if that's what made the difference, but if it was, DUH!  Why didn't I just tell him exactly what I wanted him to do before?  I usually tell him to go to sleep, get back in bed, etc.  But I don't think I usually tell him not to get out of bed in the first place.  Anyway, hopefully we can keep this going.  Unfortunately, I can't let DH do bedtime every night because he's in the National Guard.  He's gone for at least a weekend every month, if not more, and soon he will be leaving for a whole year.  So we're trying to get it to where he'll go to sleep for me but not with me consistently.  Seems like we've made a little more progress since my OP, but I'm sure I'll be back soon.  There's always something new, isn't there?

[deckchariot]

glad to see you're seeing improvement - it may just have been a bit of regression.  At this stage, it's so important to stay consistent.  With my dd, we have a whole list of things she may not do at bedtime (no more water - your sippy is here....no calls for more hugs/kisses, no calls to fix your covers....no getting out of bed....) and that does seem to work on most nights

I'd say keep doing what you're doing - he will get it.  If it continues to be worse at bedtime than nap time, you may want to take a look at the length of the nap and the A time between nap and bedtime to see if something needs to be tweaked.