please help- DS is extremely attached to the girls

[FrenchWife]

Hey guys,
DS is almost weaned (well sorta) he only nurses for about 5 minutes every morning, I am planning on finishing up pretty soon, but I am sure that it will not solve my little problem (as it has only gotten worse during the weaning process) He is extremely attached to my boobs and sticks his hands in my bra all the time. when he is tired, upset, bored, scared. weather we are in public or at home it doesn't matter. if i move it, he will put it back over and over. I can't always set him down, like when i am trying to do his story for his bedtime routine. and distraction rarely works or is appropriate in the situation. Sorry if its TMI, but he tries to get my nipple, which is extremely painful, probably due to his abuse of them and my preggo hormones.  He gets very upset when I try to stop him and cries. He is fond of his blanket and musical toy, but he has never really attached to anything except for me.  I just don't know what to do anymore, it is really getting on my nerves and i am losing my patience. TIA for your suggestions.

(BTW: not sure if this would be better placed elsewhere, thought it was probably a BF issue, feel free to move if necessary)

[anna*]

If you've truly decide that you want your boobs back for a little while before the new baby arrives, I would just be firm and consistent. Wear clothes that don't allow him to just grope when he feels like it, and every time he tries, hold his hands and guide him to touch you in some other way (ie stroke your face, or give a cuddle). You will need to repeat it many many times and be consistent, but he will stop doing it if you decide 'no more' and stay strong about it.

[FrenchWife]

sounds challenging! do you think this approach would work even before i cut the last BF or should they happen simultaneously? I was debating sticking it out with the last feeding till the official 18 months mark (about 3 weeks), but I can't handle the  pinching that long! what do you think?

[anna*]

I think you can do it now, feeding and pinching are different behaviours, one is acceptable the other is not. Think of it as any undesirable behaviour that you want stopped. It's causing you pain/discomfort, right, so imagine if he was hitting instead. How long would it take you to stop that?

[FrenchWife]

thats true, you are very right. i guess the only reason i hesitated at all was because it started out (not the pinching) (oh and its not like he means to hurt me by the way, in case that sounded like the case) when i had to cut him back drastically and i could tell he still had a very strong need, i guess you could say. so in a way i thought it was a good thing that he could relate in a way other than nursing. but it has def. gotten out of control. and the other reason is because i guess i saw it as sort of his attachment item and i was a bit scared of "traumatizing" him by taking them away completely. but i could be completely wrong on this, and please do let me know. is it just a bad habit? his attachment issues just seem to be getting really out of control lately i guess with our move and new daycare and such. i can't even walk out of the room for 5 minutes and leave him with DH without him screaming bloody murder. I don't know if it is a phase or what...

[anna*]

He can still be attached to you without having to grope your breasts. It is up to you to decide where theboundary is. So for example, any time he tries to put his hand in your shirt, take his hand away, say 'oh you need a cuddle' then grab his comfort blanket and have a cuddle with him on your lap. Be 100% consistent, he will quickly get the message that this is not ok any more. There is no way you willtraumatise him - you are not removing yourself from him!

[FrenchWife]

okay, thanks for the reassurance. guess we will give it a go! and I will be sure and keep his blanket a lot handier. I appreciate it!