how do I get my 3 wk old to fall asleep on his own?

[mini_egg282]

I can't get my newborn to fall asleep without a prop - please help!!!

He was very gassy for the last couple of weeks and I finally figured out that the milk I was drinking was causing a lot of it. Now that I've cut milk out he's a lot less uncomfortable, but he NEVER falls asleep without some sort of prop. What can I do to help him learn how to do this on his own?

Right now for every nap we have to use one of the following props:

- swing (sometimes works, sometimes doesn't)
- stroller (hit and miss, sometimes he just stays awake in it even on a 2 hr walk)
- wrap or carrier (falls asleep almost instantly)
- laying forward on my chest, patting his back (typically falls asleep in 10 - 15 minutes)
- pacifier (I have to keep inserting it over and over and if it works it can take up to an hour, he's not overly interested in it but will suck on it sometimes)
- patting/shhh'ing (works sometimes, only if he's already really sleepy)

I always swaddle him, but I'm not sure if he likes it. He will just lay around unswaddled and be pretty content. It's not until I swaddle him that he starts to cry instead of sleep. He doesn't go to sleep if I leave him unswaddled either, sometimes he'll just lay there with his eyes open. I've tried making it dark to reduce stimulation but it doesn't seem to help. I usually put him down around an hour (+/- 15 mins) after he wakes. I start getting him ready as soon as I see the first yawn and try to get him down by the third yawn.

Is it too early for me to expect him to fall asleep on his own? My first slept on his own no problem at this age, but every baby is different. I've read that you can't spoil a baby before he's 2/3 months old. Maybe I should just keep putting him in the carrier until he's a little older and then work on making him a bit more independent? I simply just can't keep putting in 45-60+ minutes trying to get him to sleep for every nap.

Please help!

[kym79]

Hi there sorry you are having so much trouble
I would think that at just 3 weeks old,it really is too young to expect LO to sleep completely independantly,they really rely on knowing that you will be ther to  comfort them. In a way I dont think he realises that you and him arent as one just yet,if that makes sense,its a big wide world out here and he has been used to the warmth,snugness and closeness of being in the womb.
In my opinion babies like to be swaddled (not all of course!!) as it replicates the feelings i described above..my DS is 6.5months old and im only just weaning him now..again they are all different though..
Im not an expert on what age your actions become props,but I would think they do learn very quickly.
Perhaps you are giving him too much A time and he is becoming Overtired,at that age my little one was only barely doing a feed,change and back to bed so MAYBE 45mins all up..Some of the things you describe in your post sound like overtired signs to me in a small baby,for example falls asleep very easily when on you,and wakes as soon as he gets into his bed,also staying awake for a 2 hr stroller ride, in my opinion these are classic OT signs..it's sooo easy to want to leave them up as they are so adorable at that age arent they? now,that said YOU are there with your baby every day and YOU know him much better than me
If you have a look in the FAQ section of this board there is a lot of information for newborns, I dont know how to place the link or I would but there are lots of excellent points I think you will find useful..
I hope things improve for you very soon and please let me know how it goes??

[olkan]

I don't mean to give the wrong advice, but I had all naps in the stroller/carrier for 2.5 months as DS had wind problems and simply wouldn't sleep. I moved him to the crib and he learned to fall asleep on his own within 3 days at 2.5 months (but I still  rock for cycle transitions to keep the naps lovely long I have to admit). I weaned my DD from stroller naps & paci at 7 months, that was tough but it worked. She'd been an independent sleeper since then.
For me it's always been priority for them to have the good sleep at least until they are a bit older, and to tackle AP later... not sure it goes well along BW:))

[Shiv52]

Hey hun

Hows it been going?   If you are using a variety of ways to get him to sleep I can't imagine they'll become props as he's very little so its not like you are doing one thing and he is coming to depend on it to sleep.  What he will be dependent on is mummy helping him get to sleep but IMHO though he's only a wee baby and i would just get him to sleep however you can at this stage and work on independent sleep in a few weeks when things are more settled.   At this stage things are still very new and its important he learns that you are there for him. 

How long is he sleeping for once you get him asleep?   He could be a bit OT on the times its taking you a while to get him to sleep. 

HTH xx

[mini_egg282]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

kym79 - I checked out the FAQ's and read the sleep interviews over again. I got some good ideas from them, thanks! After that I tried elevating his mattress, using a sleep positioner to put him on his side and tried patting him til he fell asleep, shhh'ing when he started to cry. I had some limited success with it. Seemed to work a couple of times but then that was it.

A lot of the props we were using aren't working anymore. We've resorted to letting him sleep on his tummy now. I know we're not supposed to, but he sleeps so much better that way (unswaddled, of course). We have to put him in a carrier for every nap now, and we transfer him to his crib after he's been asleep for 15 minutes. This worked beautifully this week, but today he's been waking up after being in his crib for about 5-10 minutes. Argh!!!

olkan and Shiv52, thanks for your messages. They definitely makes me feel better about using props at this age.

olkan, how did you approach the sleep training at 7 months and at 2.5 months?

He is definitely overtired later in the day, as he has missed so much sleep. I'll focus on figuring out his first nap of the day and how much A time he needs before it. I hope he starts staying asleep again after I take him out of the carrier - I can't keep him in it all day!!!

He's 5 weeks old now - maybe it'll start getting easier after the 6 week mark? *fingers crossed*  And if not, then 3 months seems to be another big milestone - we're 1/3 of the way there Trying to stay positive!!!

[olkan]

With DD at 7 months I went cold turkey on swaddling, rocking & pram (she only slept swaddled and constantly rocked in the pram for all naps), put her to crib and did PU/PD. It didn't really work for her as she's spirited and would only be enraged when I pick her up, so I just did PD and stayed there reassuring, didn't pick her up. It was quite raw for the first few days I have to say, some naps cried throughout and missed, but eventually she learned to self-sooth and when she started making some mantra moans, I would leave the room quietly.
With DS I moved him to crib, swaddled, put white noise and made the room very dark, and stayed with him with my hand patting on his shoulder. He fussed for 15 min but then fell asleep. I have to say I'm SO ATTENTIVE to his sleep cues and I was watching right after 40 min mark, and take him to the crib with the first yawn or at 50 min latest if I didn't see one. I'd say timing and window is everything. (I have to admit he's just past 3 months, having a growth spurt, moved to 3 naps and I'm often missing his new A time cues and back to eating at night - so once you think you figured it out, they throw you a new challenge:)

Hang on there and take it EASY, I mean easy:)!