He's ill - not sure how to help him settle?

[MummyToBen]

Hi ladies,

Ben's ill (we're guessing it's tonsilitus from his symptoms but I'm seeing the doctor this afternoon), and has been sleeping badly for the last couple of days - night wakings, taking ages to settle to sleep, waking early etc.  He is definately OT too.  

My issue is that I feel like I'm letting him CIO, which I clearly don't want to do, but not sure how to help him settle  ?  Basically, I've just put him down for a nap and he's cried and cried for me - and yet he will NOT settle if I am in the room or talking to him from outside.  Normally he cries once for me, I remind him that we've had our last cuddle, and he drifts off to sleep.  But now, because he is uncomfortable/OT, he is crying out for me but when I go back in it just makes him worse  .  He is not crying uncontrollably or anything like that, but I just wanted to hear what others would do.  I want to comfort him when he's ill - but even though he wants to be picked up and cuddled it just prolongs things and he gets increasingly OT and less able to fall asleep!!  Any thoughts? 

xxx

[*Jo*]

Hi Claire!! poor Ben!!!!! have you given him pain relief? (you probably have but just thought I would ask) does he have a temperature?

Weve just gone through a few weeks of this same thing and its just no fun, however even though Caleb would never settle if I picked him up, this time with being sick he would! I was so surprised, he just wanted a cuddle or a rock in the chair for 10 mins then I would say "Ok, now its time back to sleep" and he would go back to sleep!

Offer him a drink if his throat is sore too! try rubbing his back as well?

[babybarr]

Pain relief - both types together for tonsillitis.  Yes pick him up and just be there, it is really hard and I always found that O would wake every sleep cycle with tonsillitis. 

((hugs)) wish I could suggest something more, but I def wouldn't leave him too it, cuddling in the dark sometimes helped us.

[*Liz*]

I ultimately have to leave J to settle as well Clare - and it is rubbish when they are ill or teething.

Naps are harder, but what I do at night is take him to my bed for a cuddle for 30 mins or so until the meds etc start to work and give him a cuddle, once he is calm I put him in bed and hope for the best. And that means leaving him to mantra cry or call for me, and only returning if he is really insistant or upset. But I just hope that way he does know I loved him and held him first iyswim?

[KathrynK]

Claire will he let you ap him to sleep at all, eg cuddling? Alex gets tonsillitis often and I have to do lots of aping like holding him in my arms to get him into a deep sleep. Once the antibios have kicked in he goes back to sleeping just fine on his own.
Big hugs, tonsillitis sucks, alex had it for his birthday and his were septic, bleurgh. Hope he is feeling better soon xxx

[Mum-of-Two]

I hope you get an answer from your doctor, might be that he needs antibiotics.  Have you tried giving pain relief about 20 minutes before bedtime?

This age is so hard because they want to cuddle but it is not comfortable for them.  I'm living the same thing right now with my sick little boy (same age).  He can't breath through his nose at all.  The other night he was wide awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night.  I sat with him and tried to hold him up to help his nose.  Once he seems to be breathing better I'll put him back down.  Sometimes he's asleep by then, other times he's close enough that I think even he gets that he'd be more comfortable stretching out in his crib then crunched up on my lap.

Also, when he manages sleep he always gets up in time for his next round of pain meds (Motrin/Tylonal) -- almost like clock work.  Having been through lots of ear infections I'd suggest keeping a bottle at the ready and doing a mental check with the clock if he wakes up at night.  Sometimes a quick squirt of meds, 10-20 minute cuddle for them to start working, then lay back down works perfectly (although still tiring for Mom).

GOOD LUCK!

[katie80]

Same as Jo and Caleb here.  C will typically not fall asleep if I'm in the room and just like you mentioned, it prolongs every thing and makes the OT worse.  But, when she's ill, she will get very relaxed if we rock and sing together, then I put her in her crib and rub her back for about a minute or two and she's out.  It does take longer, so I try to start everything a little earlier.

Like others, she has a hard time falling asleep with me in the chair, because it's just not so comfortable any more.  Often she'll point to her crib when she's ready, or I'll just let her know, it's time to lie down now, so she can get comfy.  Usually, she'll go in well, and fall asleep quickly, but sometimes we have to do it more than once, particularly when she's stuffed up. 

It's a hard call, I know, but if he really won't settle with you in there and you've given him meds and done everything you can, then you might have to leave him too.  If he's mantraing and not really agitated, I wouldn't worry.  I always tell myself, ultimately sleep is going to help her most.
 

[babybarr]

How's Ben today Claire?  Hope he's picking up.

[MummyToBen]

Hi ladies,

Thanks for your all your advice - he's feeling better but still got a cold/rash/several teeth coming through and looks pale and worn out.  The doctor said his throat was red and sore but just to keep giving calpol (I give nurofen as dream meds too). 

He has just taken 45 minutes of shouting/crying to settle to sleep, and it is SO hard.  I made sure I gave him meds 45 minutes before his nap, then we had a nice long wind down with three or four books, had a long cuddle, and then as soon as I leave he just starts shouting and crying  .  I have tried APing by holding him (He *very* occasionally will go to sleep while DH is standing holding him - but he is way too heavy for me to hold now and he won't settle on me while I'm sitting down), stroking his head/back, GW, and in the end have had to go back to just pretty much leaving him to sort himself out as I really don't know what else to do  .  Obviously I go back if he is sounding genuinely distressed, but I think much of it is he just wants me in there with him and doesn't realise it will not actually help him to sleep!!  I suppose I will just have to carry on as I am, it's just frustrating as now he almost seems to be in the habit of crying before naps - and once he gets into a habit it's SO hard to break him out of it 

So after writing about it I suppose I am just doing WIWO which makes me feel a bit better  - but I suppose with older toddlers there is more of a 'fight' as they protest about being left on their own rather than actually needing someone there with them  .  Ugh!

Thanks for checking in on us Laura 

xx

[babybarr]

It's the protest / fighting cry that's the hardest - they are SO good at doing it now aren't they

You just have to do what you have to do - out of curiousity have you tried a later nap in case if he's more tired he crashes out quicker

[koe2moe]

more hugs Claire.  For us with illness, if DS cries out in trying to settle to sleep or in the transition, I usually have to pick him up and hold him, he will gradually calm down and lay his head on my shoulder.  I might pat on his back or just kind of rock him, and to wait until pain relief kicks in.  But I am sure it doesn't work for all LO's.

sending you healing vibes~~

[MummyToBen]

It's the protest / fighting cry that's the hardest - they are SO good at doing it now aren't they

You just have to do what you have to do - out of curiousity have you tried a later nap in case if he's more tired he crashes out quicker

Yes, he's excelling in his protest cry  !!

Yes, part of the problem is I tried pushing his nap back twice to 6 hrs this week, and he still took ages to settle and then did 45 minute naps and woke a screaming mess  .  He is so sensitive to OT, and I think that's big part of our problem - so he's waking in the mornings tired and then is more difficult to settle for naps.  Ah well!

xx

[*Becky*]

get well soon Ben xxx

[katie80]

Oh rats, Claire!  Those protesting cries are tough to stick out when you want to do everything to help him.  We did some WIWO yesterday and there were some really stubborn moments.   

Not sure this will help at all, but I really talked C through it a lot yesterday, saying I wasn't going to stay to rub her back anymore because she was so tired and really needed to sleep.  We talked about everything I would do: read to her, sing songs and rock, rub her back in the rocking chair, etc.  But, once I put her in the crib, she just needed to lie down and go to sleep.  Sometimes, I don't give her credit for how much she understands now.  At supper, then, she proceeded to tell ME exactly what was going to happen; everything we had discussed before nap. 

Also, she didn't ever go down for her nap yesterday, but took only 10 min at bedtime.  I drove her for an hour in the afternoon and put her to bed only 3.5 hr later.  I *know* part of the reason she did better at bedtime was that she was a little rested.  So, I'd stick to those shorter A's and see if that helps a little.  She is no longer ill, so I know that makes a difference, but if WIWO is what's going to help him sleep best, then I think you're doing the right thing.  Sorry it's such a struggle!

[*Jo*]

dH says we need to do a modified Wi/Wo when C is sick, so we still do it but we stay just a little longer in the room, a quick tuck in of sheets or just three small backrubs and back out, so a little comfort and leave them to it. I know it's so hard, wish there was a quicker cure for allthese nasties