Seperation anxiety after illness

[confusedmummy]

Hi there, my DS is 16 months old and has just had pretty much everything thing going. He has had the sickness bug 3 times, and for the last week he has had tosilitus, conjunctivitus and also the measle side effect from MMR, so fever and rash. The cough is really bad and has been keeping him awake for the last week, and he hasn't hardly eaten in that time either.

We have been bringing him into our room at night, and obviously spent all day with him as he has been very clingy, esp as we have had family over for xmas, he did not like this and would not go to them at all. The problem is now he will not let us leave the room at all, he cries and stands banging on the gate till we come back. He will change between me and his dad, one minute he'll cling to me and the next his dad, but will still cry if either of us leave the room.

We did some sleep training a while ago and this is heading back to old ways as he now wakes crying and when I go in he will point at our room and cry till he gets his own way. The problems is he still has bad cough so if he gets worked up he will cough till he almost chokes.

Any advice on how I can get him back on track? X

[Vally]

My lo sometimes gets seperation anxiety after illness. I am not sure I have an answer for you but what works with us is just going with it and giving him the reassurance he needs. At night we have to use a gradual withdrawal method and he soon feels safe again and gets back to normal.

Good luck

[confusedmummy]

Thanks Vally, my main problem wasn't really when he was asleep, although last night he woke crying and coughing, and when I went into him he wouldn't settle and was pointing at our bedroom. We gave in and brought him in with us, but need to stop that.

The main problem is during the day. He cannot be left on his own even for a minute, which makes going to toilet or making a cuppa quite hard. He used to be ok, just want to get back to that but I don't know how x 

[confusedmummy]

OMG my LO just had the worst melt down I have ever experienced. he woke up coughing a little and then started crying a little. I didn't go straight in, in the hope that he may settle back down, ha wishful thinking. He eventually stood up and almost started shouting, so I went in with it mind that I would not give in and bring him in to our room. Well he went mad he was screaming, biting, lashing out grabbing my face, pulling my hair, and occasionally pointing to my room. I had to hold him down as he was going stiff and trying to get away from me. Eventually he clamed down, and after just sitting with him for a few minutes I managed to put him back into his bed, not sure how long it will last.

He has done something like this before, but never this bad, it was a proper tantrum. Please anyone know how to deal with this? X

[babybarr]

I think you dealt with it fine and I would stick to this plan.  You keep him in his room but stay till he settles and then leave.  You have to be strong with it though and not give in.  I would really try to leave his room before he is asleep though (if you can!) as otherwise he may want you to stay in his room.

[confusedmummy]

its funny when I managed to calm him down he actually went into his bed and let me leave ok. I'm just dreading tonight as my partner is here and he tends to give in a lot easier than me, and it usually ends in a tense argument. Fingers crossed tonight is easier x

[babybarr]

Good luck!  Hope DP behaves for you!

[confusedmummy]

Thankyou, all went ok last night, no wakings except for waking for the day at 5am. He has woken a few times so far tonight, because of his cough but thankfully no tantrums, and I have managed to get him to lay down himself and go back to sleep. The day times are still pretty bad as I cannot leave the room, anyone got any ideas how best to deal with that? Xx

[Tweakster]

We are having exact same issues here with 21 mth old.  He's not in our room but it takes a lot to get him to go to sleep right now.  Last night I had to rock him.  Nap today he crawled up on me and went to sleep and we transferred him.  I'm dreading this week because we are back at work and he has to go back to daycare.

So just following along.  GW doesn't work for us as he feels taunted by our presence in there and is not comforted unless we pick him up.  He will scream and unfortunately it's making his coughing worse which is half of our sleep problems anyway.

[confusedmummy]

Wendy that is exactly the same, the NW's are getting worse and now when we go in he holds his hands up and expects to be picked up, which we are really trying to avoid. Its now 330 am and we have been awake for the last hour trying to get him back to sleep with no success. He is also back at nursery next week which i'm not looking forward to, although i'm kinda hoping it may put him back on track and sort out the SA issue in the day.

I feel like we are back to square one with his sleeping problems, as we cannot leave the room without him crying : ( x

[confusedmummy]

well we are back to square one with everything. Both naps and night he won't go to sleep without me being in the room, he cries as soon as I leave, and he won't settle himself. We have NW's where he won't resettle even if I go in he just starts up again when I leave. He also wakes early, any time between 5 and 6 and baring in mind he does not go to bed till 730 and then takes a while, and wakes in the night. So he is not getting alot of sleep and is therefore tired earlier in the mornings.

i'm not sure I can go through all this again, it took weeks to get hime to sleep on his own and resettle the first time, I don't know how to go about it now. He does not really do WI WO as it winds him up more everytime I go in, and GW didn't work either. I feel so useless x

[bellasmama2230]

Don't feel useless! I'm here with you - half way across the world, feeling the same way!! You just have to be strong, re-open your BW books and have Tracy re-ignite your sprit to make it work. Daycare will do it's part, but the illness sounds like it has definitely cause some anxiety and Tracy suggests putting an air matress in the room @ night to help re-assure your LO.
For naps though, I'd make sure your LO is lying on his tummy, eyes away from you, (so once he starts to drift he doesn't see you walk out), have him lie down and  place your hand on his back. It's just enough reassurance that you're still there and enough independence for him to know it's ok to go to sleep. For the first 3 days he might need your help @ the 45 min mark to help him turn over in his sleep cycle, but after day 3 he should be back to normal!

I know it's hard, but it works!! And he's worth it - you're good sleeper will come back to you!!

Focus on getting him well!

[babybarr]

Do you think he is still poorly?  Do meds help settle him?

What *would* help him to get to sleep - at this point do it and we'll work on getting rid of it.

(((hugs)))