Please help- need my 13mth old to sttn without me!

[Mummy to Julian]

Hi there,

havent posted in a while- hope all are well.

I am desperate !! my DS (13 mths) is still not sleeping through the night. I know it is my fault for not sleep training earlier but basically he sleeps by bf(rather more as ad ummy as no much milk left) (sometime also gently rocking) and in my arms or in a bed lying next to me. He is not too fond of his cot. He just wakes up 2 -3 times a night sitting up crying and waiting for me to come in pick him up, bf (more as a dummy as no milk left) and hold him in my arms until he sleeps. sometime I can put him in his cot again but more often unless I get him into bed with us and he is sleeping next to me, he will wake up again and I do the same thing. I know that I didnt stop the bad habits forming and I kind of used to enjoy him sleeping next to me but now I cant take the lack of sleep anymore especially having to go to work every morning. I wish to make a 'plan' of how to gently break him out of these habits and get him to sleep all night in his cot without needing me if he wakes up. any advice would be much much appreciated!! Thanks ladies 

[rachelusc]

Wow! I know change can be really hard at this age as they become more stubborn!  Have you tried the pick up/put down technique yet?  I think this would be the recommended course of action due to DS's age.  You can expect some tears as you remove the comfort he is used to (your warm body in bed, your breast) because he will protest change in the only way he knows how.  However, in the long run you will be giving him independent sleep, which is a wonderful gift. 

[~inbalance~]

You certainly do have a lot of different props going on here!  And they all have to go if you want him to sttn. 

First I think you need to decide what you are going to tackle first, the co-sleeping, the rocking, and/or the BFing. 
Here are some links to the various methods you can use when weaning these kinds of sleep associations:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0

Gradual Withdrawl (GW) is usually what you would try when teaching sleep to an LO who has never slept independently before.
If it were me I would work on first getting him to sleep in his own bed all night, and then you can work on teaching independent sleep without rocking or BFing to sleep.

What do you think?

[Mummy to Julian]

Thanks for advice- I agree that gradual withdrawal system is is the best for us in this case as if i had to leave him in his cot and walk out he would get very upset. This was the kind of 'weaning' I had in mind- i hope it will work and that I won't give up. He still goes through separation anxiety when I leave the room (not all the time but mainly when tired or upset), so I hope i'll manage to 'convince' him that he can do it alone and doesnt need me to sleep. I guess i feel a bit guilty abt removing d only comfort he has (he never took a dummy or adopted a lovey), but i guess in the long run it will help him.

[~inbalance~]

Be strong!  Teaching your child to self-soothe is just as good as having a paci or a lovey. 

Once you have thought about it and you have a plan, it's important to commit to it and follow through.  But if you are consistent then you will see results.

Seeing as how you are teaching him independent sleep now and have several props to contend with, it will probably take some time.  Just be prepared for that, but take it one step at a time.  You will see all the issues start to unravel as you work on it.

Like I said I would focus on getting him in his own bed first, and then once you feel he is comfortable there you can address the other props. 

Keep us posted.