I have to put her in the car to get her to sleep!

[lucysmam]

I have a 14 month old daughter, she is an absolute angel...... until bed time! Once shes asleep she sleeps all night no problem but the problem is putting her to sleep! The last 2 weeks i have resorted to taking her in the car to put her to sleep, i've tried leaving her cry in the cot, laying in my bed with her, rocking her in the buggy, leaving her up later than usual and nothing works! It could take a half an hour of driving or more to put her to sleep! I'm at my witts end, so frustrating! Her nap in the day can last anything from 1 hr to 3 hrs but no matter what lenght nap its still the same! please help!

[~inbalance~]

Hi there.    You've tried a lot of things there and you LO is probably confused from the lack on consistency.  We need to formulate a plan and stick with it.  BW philosophy does not support any type of cry it out or controlled crying methods, if you have tried them in the past you have likely broken LO's trust which would make it difficult to put her to bed, but don't worry there are things you can do to correct this.  I have a few questions first.

Do you have a current routine that you can post? 
How long have the bedtime issues been happening? 
Is your LO teething at the moment?

There are two methods we recommend for sleep training with toddlers.  Here is a link that explains them:
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0
If your LO has not previously slept independently, or if trust has been broken, then I would probably suggest starting with more of a gradual withdrawl approach.  Let me know what you think. 

[lucysmam]

Thank you for replying!    This has been happening the last 4 or 5 weeks, her normal routine before that was up at 7 or 7.30 and has a bottle and about 9 has breakfast, will go for a nap between 10.30 and 11.30 for anything up to 3 hrs depending on how tired she is... has lunch when she wakes and dinner about 6 then bed at 8..... she used to go to sleep in my arms and all of a sudden decided she didnt want to anymore, she would be practically asleep and realise that and wake up and INSIST on being let down to play no matter what i done.... her routine is more or less the same during the day but is refusing to go to sleep no matter what i try!Shes not cranky or anything but i know shes tired! I know its lack of consistancy but i always try lying in the bed with her before anything else every night and she is completly refusing to lie down and gets into hysterics and gets so stressed she starts sweating! Thats when i take her in the car..... when all this started happening i opened my own business and working 6 days a week, my husband works 6 days a week too, we have family members looking after her for us so shes not with a stranger, i wonder could this be a reason even though its always one of us that puts her to bed and not someone else..... i hope that if my business takes off to gradually cut down my days to 3 days a week to spend more time with her but at the moment i cant do that.... she has 8 teeth at the moment 2 front bottom, 4 front top, 2 in the back at top.... the back bottom ones were coming but i think they've stopped for now......

[~inbalance~]

Ok, a few thoughts....

Teeth could be playing a part.  It is hard to say, but at this age it's usually a sure bet that there are teeth involved in which case they can be affecting her mood and ability to settle.

It does sound like things have been a bit hectic with you and your DH working so often.  It might just be she wants to spend more time with you and is resisting bed to do so.  Hopefully you can find some more one on one time with her.  A really good, long wind down can help.

In terms of routine, it's great that she takes one good nap.  I think you should aim to have it around lunchtime as her morning A time is rather short but her afternoon one is long, especially since she is in bed late.  I would try for a nap from 12-2:30 and bedtime at 7:30 if possible.  It's also possible that a 3hr nap is too much day sleep for her and she's not tired.

Has she previously gone to sleep on her own, or has she always needed help, i.e. rocking or being held?  I think it would be good if you can work on independent sleep.  Lying down with her obviously doesn't work for her as she thinks it is playtime.  She needs to learn to fall asleep in her bed, on her own.  This is where you would want to choose one of the methods I outlined.  With a gradual withdrawl approach, you would stay in the room with her at first and then gradually start leaving earlier and earlier.  With wiwo you would put her to sleep in her bed, say a sleep phrase, and then walk out and let her try to settle.  At this point you would return ONLY if she is crying like she needs you, comfort as necessary, and then leave again.  Repeat until she falls asleep.

[lucysmam]

started a new routine yesterday and seems to be working a treat!  up at 7 - 7.30 and has bottle, breakfast about 9, mid mornig snack at 11, nap at 12 and wake her at 2.30 if she not already awake, has lunch, dinner around 6, pj's on at 7, story time at 7.30 and bed after that.... while i havn't been brave enough to put her into the cot on her own she went to sleep so much easier last night and at nap time today! she has always gone to sleep being rocked in my arms, i am going to try the gradual withdrawel method tonite.... wish me luck!!! thank you so much for your help!!!! p.s we go 2 new teeth today  , only just cut through so hopefully she'll start settling again.... thanks again!!!   

[~inbalance~]

GREAT news!!  Sounds like you're headed in the right direction, I hope things keep working out for you! 

Good luck with the GW!  It takes a bit of time, but if you are patient and consistent then soon she will be going to sleep on her own.