Letting her deal with it or just plain cruel?

[stagemanager2]

 
So my daughter Hattie is almost 14mo and I KNOW something is bothering her.  She is fine in the day but wakes about an hour after going down for bed and screams hysterically.  After reading FAQs I assume this is a molar thing...

The real problem is that the first three nights I have gone in to help her and the screaming has gotten worse, lasting over an hour.  Last night I decided to go in to make sure she wasn't in any real danger and watched on the video monitor waiting for her to stand and cry at the door (she just lays there in bed and cries)... After about ten minutes she fell back asleep.  I did it again tonight and she fell back asleep after about seven minutes....

What is this??  Could it really just be teeth pain?  Why doesn't she want me to comfort her?  Is this cruel?  I'm so worried that I've abandoned her.  Should I just tough out the hour of crying to be with her?  Or is she just helping herself fall back to sleep by crying... at 14 months!??  Has anyone else experienced this at this age?  Is it mantra?

[~inbalance~]

What does her routine look like?  Maybe the waking 1hr after bed is routine related.

If it is teeth and she is in pain, I would say it's important to comfort her.  But if she is going back to sleep then I'm not sure it is discomfort, I would think she'd keep crying for you. 

It is a good thing to give LO's a chance to settle, remember not all crying means they need you.  You just have to judge whether or not she sounds like she genuinely needs you then you have to go.  Usually if the cry has more of a stop and start/rise and fall action, you can hang back and wait to see if she'll settle.  But if it is loud and persisent, or escalates, then you go back in.

[stagemanager2]

E 7am
E10:30
A 7-11
S 11-1 (1:30)

E1:30
E 4
E 6
S 7

[~inbalance~]

The only thing I could see routine wise is maybe she is getting a little OT by bedtime since her A time is a bit long, but TBH I think your routine looks good.  It sounds like it really could be teething discomfort that is waking her, but it is not too bad so she goes back to sleep.  I think if she continues to settle herself then it's fine to let her do so, and just go in once she sounds like she really needs you.  The molars could just be starting to cause discomfort now and might get worse.  You could also try meds before bed just to see if it helps.  Sometimes my DS2 will cry out 1hr or so after going to bed but settles himself fine.

[*Liz*]

Both of my children are a bit like this - and especially DS. I remember when he was teething molars there was NOTHING I could do if I was in the room with him, he would just get worse and worse and worse. But if I left him then would be asleep within 5 mins. And he was that way from about 9 mths or so - in terms of being totally AP proof and only prepared to sleep if he was alone in his bed.

What you describe - for one of mine - would be crying because they has been disturbed but actually wanted to be left alone to sleep.

So for DS what I ended up doing was going to him, making sure he was truly awake  , and if he was giving him meds and a cuddle for 10 mins, then putting him back and letting him self settle. If he stood I would go back in, if he was lay down he would usually be OK and it was all mantra. Stop/ start crying was best left as well.

DD is a bit different, but sometimes she settles best if I sit in a dark corner speaking to reassure her, but she still only wants me in there if it is an 'I want you' cry.

What I am trying to say is don't be afraid to follow something if your mama instinct tells you that is the best way. If it is teething I would offer comfort and meds, but if it rejected in favour of them doing it themselves I think that is OK as well.

Neither of my kids have been quiet sleepers either - they often cry out and fuss in the night - I think it stems from reflux behaviour. We only go to them if they need us, rather than because they are unsettled iyswim?

It's tough to describe as it is a tough destinction, but uncertainly think we can disturb self settling at
this age, just as much as when they were babies.

[stagemanager2]

thank you so much for your replies

We may have a bigger issue here.... As dd gets very "y" in the afternoon after her nap and seems frustrated with dinner, dh suggested that we switch her to soy milk just for bedtime to see what happens.  (she usually gets a sippy of milk before nap and bed as it comforts her and makes sure she is full)

So for bedtime I gave her soy milk to get her relaxed and I haven't heard a word from her!  Seriously!!  I wonder if this is the issue? 

She was colicy while I was breast feeding until I cut the dairy out.  So when I "dried up" we just assumed we should go to soy formula.  The doc assured us that she should be ok on cows milk and to use that for her first..... could lactose intolerance show up after a month of drinking milk?.... although come to think of it she has been grumpy more this past month than when she was on formula....

I don't know what to think!!

[Katet]

She was colicy while I was breast feeding until I cut the dairy out.  So when I "dried up" we just assumed we should go to soy formula.  The doc assured us that she should be ok on cows milk and to use that for her first..... could lactose intolerance show up after a month of drinking milk?.... although come to think of it she has been grumpy more this past month than when she was on formula....

Absolutely could be... I know it can take a few weeks before the real issue with cows milk can come up & with DS1 he'd been on cows milk for about 3 weeks when suddenly he started throwing up after milk... he was BF (with a bit of formula), but even though he was over 1yo we put him back on formula (6-12mo one that we knew was fine) & that stopped the throwing up... it took a few weeks before that happened... then as a 5yo we discovered he did have a milk allergy.

The other thing may be that it is in part a 'night terror' & while she seems awake, she isn't totally. I know with my DS1 his night terrors he seems awake, will talk & say things like "take me home", but he is totally out of it. So it could be that she is having a bit of a night terror & goes back to sleep when it is over.

[~inbalance~]

It could totally be related to the milk, at least in part.  Some LOs are just not ready for cow's milk at a year or even after.  Hope she keeps sleeping well now that you've tried the soy.