1 year old: 2-1 transition taking 8 weeks and counting

[MiasMama]

Our dd (1 year this week) is definitely going through the 2-1. She has been doing so since the beginning of May. We've been following the great advice we've found on here and have been able to do pretty well handling this transition (the advice we've taken is: keeping her up longer to take a longer nap, and it worked like a charm until she started refusing her PM nap. Then, cutting her AM nap to 45 min or an hour and 70% of the time she would STILL refuse her PM nap and be very crabby). However, it doesn't feel like the actual end to the transition is in sight. Basically, we have been going without a solid routine for about a month. She's definitely getting her sleep each day, meaning, if she doesn't during the day, we make sure she gets it at night. Maybe this is what everyone else is going through too, with the 2-1, ey? : )

Our biggest questions are: are we close to making the transition to 1 nap? (I know there will be days when she's not at just 1 nap, but if we could make our routine around 1 nap, that'd be helpful) and how can we help her sleep longer at night (without early wakings, or will this probably happen when we go to 1 nap?).

Here's an example of our last few days (but this has been the basic pattern for 7-8 weeks now):

Wednesday:
4:00am: Woke up, we gave her a bottle and she slept until 6:10am.
6:10am: Up
10:10am: Nap
11:40pm: Up from nap
*No afternoon nap*
6:15pm: BT

Thursday:
4:45am: Woke up and we gave her a bottle to go back to sleep
7:15am: DD - we had to wake her up
11:30am: Nap
1:00pm: Up from nap
3:30pm: Catnap
4:10pm: Woke her up from nap and she was cranky.
7:00pm: BT - She fought BT

Friday:
5:15am: Woke up and we gave her a bottle to get back to sleep
6:10am: Up
10:20am: Nap
12:00pm: Up from nap
6:15pm: BT

Saturday:
4:45am: Woke up and we gave her a bottle to get back to sleep
6:00am: Up
10:37am: Nap (we were at my sister's house and she had trouble falling asleep somewhere else)
11:45am: Up from nap
3:00pm: Catnap
3:30pm: Woke her up from nap
8:30pm: We were at a party until 7:15pm, and she usually has NO TROUBLE falling asleep in the car, however, I think the catnap threw her off like it has been doing the last 4-5 weeks.

Sunday:
4:30am: Woke up and we gave her a bottle to get back to sleep
6:25am: Up
10:25am: Nap
12:07pm: Up from nap


I do not like the pattern we have gotten into of giving her the bottle in the early AM, but we have tried the PU/PD in the early AM and all we get is a cranky DD. I know one of the recommendations has been that if you put her to bed early she might need that early morning bottle. She is getting all the food she needs during the day, so I doubt it applies to us, but it has been working well and I know we will help train her out of it when we transition to 1 nap.  How will we train her out of this after the transition?

On a whole, our DD is a happy, very spirited girl (who has gotten all her teeth - 7 - in the last month and learned to walk)! The days she only takes one 1.5 hour nap and goes to bed early at 6pm, are the best days. She does take 20 minutes or so to "wake-up" after a nap or sleep, but I think that is her personality.

I am concerned that she is not getting enough sleep. Any thoughts on that? I feel she should have a longer nap during the day and still keep the 11.5-13hours at night. Does it sound like she's ready to be nudged toward one nap (i.e. pushing her AM nap from 4 hrs after she wakes up to 4hr 20 mins etc. until she gets to that 12 or 12:30pm nap?) Or does she sound like she's not ready and we have more work to do on naps? Any ideas/suggestions would be great!! Thank you!

We have always gotten great advice from the members here and are incredibly grateful for everything!

[~inbalance~]

Hi there

I think you need to stick to a consistent routine of either one nap every day, or do two naps with the first one being a very short catnap only to get you through to the long pm nap.  Ideally if she is on only 1 nap then you want it to be longer than 1.5hrs, but there is a good chance that once she is on one nap consistently it will lengthen as she adjusts to the routine.

You could make the jump to 1 nap cold turkey and be prepared to do early bedtimes and probably deal with some OT while she is adjusting.  This works well for some LOs but not if they are sensitive to OT.  It did not work for my older son but worked brilliantly for my younger one.  DS2 is 13.5mos now, we jumped to 1 nap at 11mos and he was fine.

Whatever you choose though, I think you have to stick to it for a bit so that her body can adjust.

For the milk, if you want to get rid of it then you simply have to stop giving it.  To her her back to sleep you can do wiwo in the morning.  There is a chance she won't go back to sleep at first until she realizes she won't be getting it, but hopefully once that happens she'll start sleeping past that time.  TBH I have this issue too (but I BF), and I choose to feed at that time for now because I'm not willing to be up from 4/5am!  In your situation, I would keep the milk until you've completed the transition and she is successfully on one nap, to avoid additional OT.  When you are ready you can do wiwo like I mentioned, or more of a gradual withdrawal approach.  We can help you choose when the time comes. 

[MiasMama]

Hi, thank you so much for your response. Very helpful!

Well, last week we tried just pushing her to about 12noon everyday for
her nap like you had suggested might work for some babies and our lo
got too OT. She was sick over the weekend with a stomach bug and this
week we've started gradually pushing her nap 15/20minutes later every
2 days. We have gotten several 1hr50min - 2hr 40min naps out of her
which has been great! However, she has been sleeping worse at night and she has been waking about 45min or 1hr 10min into her daytime nap. For the nap, I've been going in, giving her her lovey and laying her back down. Some days it works, some days, like today, it didn't and she was up at 1hr 10min.
Now, she is waking up around 1am and then again around 3am and then
her usual 4-5am at some point. We thought it was just a fluke so we
were walking in there, holding her for a minute or two and then laying
her back down asleep. Well, it's continued and she's gotten very wild and cranky and screaming and crying at night now. Do we need to be doing
PU/PD for those wakings but then giving her a bottle at her 4/5am
wakeup? I'm wondering if that will confuse her. Also, she has has been
getting up a 5:30am and not sleeping in past that. Maybe because of
all the changes? I'm trying to figure out what goal we're shooting
for: a 6am wake-up with nap at 12noon for 2 hours? Once she get's into
a solid 2-3 hour nap, will it be easier to to get her to a 6am wake-up? It's been a bit confusing for me to gradually move her nap 15-20 min later when her AM wake up is varying. Any suggestions? Just keep moving the nap 15-20min later regardless of when she wakes up in the AM? Tomorrow, her nap will be 4hrs 45min after she wakes up in the AM. If she has a bad night though, I'm tempted to not push her that far out. I know you said we'll have to stick to a routine for a bit to help her body adjust, it sounds like we just need to give it some more time.

One more thing, I'm thinking we might have given her a prop. For a few weeks (4-5) we have been putting her in a backpack 30 min or so before naps and BT to help her calm down. She is a very spirited baby and just stopping her body has been fantastic in calming her down before bed. Quite often it's turned into her falling asleep in the backpack and then us either trying to catch her right before she falls asleep to try to do her routine, or we've just been putting her in her crib asleep. She's been sleeping great...until lately. I think she is unlearning how to self-soothe, maybe? Do we need to use the backpack but take her out 10 min before nap or BT and then follow the routine? It's been more difficult to put her down at other people's houses too and she's sleeping poorly too.

Phew, there's been a lot going on in our family this week, so to add the poor sleeping to it, my lo needs us to help get her into a good sleep pattern again.

[~inbalance~]

Does sound like she is getting herself OT during this transition.  It is not uncommon to have to go back to two naps to get caught up.  It is a tricky transition for that reason - you want to be consistent and do the same thing, but often you have to take a few steps back when OT accumulates.  It is very much how it happened for my DS1 as well.

If she is not handling the long A times yet then I would do the other suggestion of a very short am catnap (20-30mins) to get her through to the pm nap.

Can you post what her day looks like at the moment?

With the backpack, if it seems like it is becoming a prop I would stop it and try to find another way to wind her down.  You can just walk around with her in your arms saying goodnight to different things in the house, or looking out the window, or maybe a walk in the garden.  Followed by some quiet time in her room with the lights dimmed, maybe some books or lullabies.

(((hugs))), this is a rocky age and there is a lot going on, hopefully she will settle into a routine soon. 

[MiasMama]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice! We went to 2 naps for 1 day and put her to bed early and she did great that day! The next day, we weren't sure if she was OT or not, so we tried the 20 min catnap but then we had to workhard for a very long time to get her to take a PM nap. It almost seems like she needs a few days of the transition but then a day of 2 naps and then trying the transition again. Yesterday (Monday) she was clearly OT, so we gave her a 20 min catnap from 8:40am-9am and then gave her a nap at 12:30pm. She woke up after 45min, took ten minutes to get her back to sleep and then she slept for another 45. (It might partially be due to being at someone else's house too, yesterday.) Today, she seemed very OT again, so I just gave her a 20 min catnap, so we'll see how the PM nap goes.

Her days have been virtually the same as the above schedule I posted. She'll go a few (3-6) days of 1 nap, of us gradually transitioning her to 1 later nap. We start at 4 hours after she wakes up, and then after a few days, we push that nap to 4.5 hours after she wakes up, etc. (*As a side note, her best naps have been 4.5 hours after waking up. She'll tend to sleep 2-2.5 hours most of those days! Could she possibly be a LO who doesn't take later naps?) After a few days of this, usually when we get to 4 hrs and 45 min, she starts taking shorter naps and being crankier (OT). On days where she takes shorter naps, most days, we put her to bed at 5:30pm-6pm (her typically BT is 6:30pm). When we do this she sleeps the full 12 hours (with a wake up at 4:30am or so for a bottle). When we put her to bed later, like 6:30pm or later, she won't sleep a full 12 hours.

What are your thoughts?

Are you suggesting we try a 20 min catnap every day with an afternoon nap too? I am will to try anything. I feel like this transition is dragging on for her and for us. I appreciate the advice!

Let me know what you're thinking : )

[~inbalance~]

It can be a very long drawn out transition sometimes.    FWIW I think you're doing a great job reading her and throwing in 2 nap days as needed.

Some LOs won't do 12hr nights with longer naps.  So sometimes it's either longer naps and a shorter night, or shorter naps and a longer night.  I think it's normal what she is doing there, she is likely regulating her own sleep needs.  My DS1 was a pretty crappy napper but would sleep 12hr night consistently, but my DS2 will have short nights if his nap is too long so I tend to wake him after 2hrs so that he still sleeps between 11-12hrs at night, otherwise he will only do 10.5hrs at night.

I'd keep doing what you are doing, offering 2 naps every 3-6 days as needed.  I think you will start to see they are needed less and less often.

[MiasMama]

Hi Martina,

Your advice and encouragement was extremely helpful! She's needed the 2nd nap less often and it's been going very well. 12 hours at night and a 2 hour nap during the day.

Late last week we kept her up past her BT and it seems like it's still throwing her off...She's down to 45-1.5 hour naps and waking up more at night again. For the last 2 days we've tried giving her that 2nd nap in the AM but she won't take it. Any suggestions? I don't think she should sleep past 12 hours at night b/c it would throw her nap schedule off before, but maybe now sleeping longer than 12 hours would be good? Or do we just keep it at 12 hours at night and giving her a nap 6 hours after she wakes up, and try to let her body adjust? I don't want to perpetuate an OT baby, but I do want to give her time to adjust to a new routine.  What are your thoughts?

Thanks : )

Lisa

[~inbalance~]

I would give her one longer night to hopefully get caught up, and then go back to what you were doing.  It's probably getting past the point where 2 naps will work for you now, so she will have to make up the sleep at night if she is taking short naps.  It's ok to let her do that every now and then if she is OT. 

[MiasMama]

Thanks! We will try that tonight! She is up again after an hour and ten minute nap...

[MiasMama]

Hi!

Well, life is going on here : ) It's good. Although we're a bit confused by her....when she got 11 hours of sleep, should would take an hour or an hour and a half nap. When she gets 12 or 12 plus, she takes an hour or an hour and a half nap. She's happy and ready to go (almost always) after that 1.5 hour nap.

Any ideas? She's clearly not OT...basically, is it ok to have her sleep 12 hours at night and then take a 1.5 hour nap, or, for her health, does she need at least a 2 hour nap?

We're a bit baffled, but very happy with the LO we have! We thought that maybe waking her up after 11.5 hours of sleep would help her to take a longer nap, but I didn't think that depriving them of sleep would get them more sleep.

Any suggestions?

Lisa

[~inbalance~]

Some LOs are just not long nappers.  If she is happy, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it!  My DS1 was like this rarely would he nap longer than 1.5hrs, but he would do 11-12hr nights consistently and was always happy, so that was that!