8 months and suddenly refusing to bf

[hannahp]

Hi Everyone, I don't know whether anyone has had a similar experience to this and has any advice, I'm feeling pretty miserable about it.

I have bf my son who is now 8 months, he is used to 3 feeds a day (morning, lunch and night) and normally is a great, quick and hungry feeder. However, recently he had a slight ear infection and really bad teething that led to a miserable 2 days and nights of crying, no sleep etc. He did feed sporadically during those days but was often not interested (off his solids as well). Now, he's definitely on the mend (sleeping well, generally good on solids) and had fed really well yesterday morning, but at lunch, he bit me, I screamed, he cried and now is point blank refusing to latch. He wouldn't feed again yest, even before bed. i expressed last night and he had about 50 ml from a bottle. I had high hopes for this morning, but no luck. he pushes away, cries and and thrashes about.

I had hoped to feed until he was 1 year, but maybe he's telling me it's time to persevere with the bottle and run my supply down (I have a 2 year old as well and so will just not have the time to express). i can't see any other solution other than to keep trying but accept that it maybe bottle and formula from here on (which I dont have an issue with, I just wanted the ease of bf - no formula mixing, sterilising etc  

any advice would be so gratefully appreciated.

[Shiv52]

If you want to continue BFing I would persevere. 

Take it very calm and relaxed and just keep offering. I wouldn't offer a bottle in replacement just yet, offer water in a sippy to make sure he's hydrated.  He should come round xx

how about trying to feed in bed or in a darkened room? 

[Lemonthyme]

Exactly the same happened to me. He bit me at 8 months, I shouted and he went on nursing strike. It's very common. Just keep offering and what worked for us was the following:

Pretend you don't care if he feeds or not
Might sound odd but spend top off time with him, let him touch your breasts and see they're not scary
Try latching on standing up, tones your arms too! Seriously this was how he managed to get past it in the end. Gradually it then went to latch and immediately sit down to latching normally.
Tell yourself it's not the end
Express to keep up supply but don't worry if you get very little, it's the stimulation which matters. I hand expressed because it worked better for me.
Get help from a lactation consultant
Keep faith. Exactly the same happened at 8 months and we bf for 13!

[EllenS]

Agree with above - nursing strikes are not uncommon at this age for a variety of reasons.  He is not ready to do without that good milk, and he will come around.

[Lemonthyme]

How are you doing? I remember being so upset that I wasn't ready to give up but thinking he was, it was awful.  But we got through it.

[hannahp]

Thank you so much for the encouragement, I think I have possibly resigned myself to no more feeding, but you've given me a glimmer of hope! I am still expressing a few times a day and offering the breast at every feed, but he is still pushing away and crying if I try to persevere. Oddly, he has also refused the pacifier and will not take a bottle, so it's not just the breast. I'm worried about liquids as he takes small amounts of water and EBM from a beaker, but he seems ok so far.

It's hard not to take it personally and be upset that he doesn't seem to 'want' me any more. I had also wanted to feed until at least a year for ease and health and to avoid the dreaded sterilising and the vile smell of formula!

It's been 3 days since he last fed - how long do you think I should keep trying, i feel like I should have a cut off point as I'll need to properly run my milk down at some stage. I'm hand expressing as well as I loaned my electric pump to someone as I had not been using it this time and it can be quite bruising!!

Thank you again, so much for your advice, I will keep trying and try the standing up thing. We have done a bit of skin to skin time, but he still is not interested.

Hannah x

[Shiv52]

Is he teething?  Have you tried meds before a feed incase his gums are annoying him and thats putting him off feeding?

I would keep trying for a while yet given that he is also refusing a bottle. Is he eating solids well.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Lemonthyme]

I was hand expressing.  I think it lasted around 3 days for me in the end and my milk volume did slow during that time but it picked up again later, no problem.  Have you tried feeding when he's tired?  I know it's the 'wrong' time but if you fed him to sleep for a couple of days for a nap it wouldn't do lasting harm.

For my son it started with him biting me and it did turn out to be teeth, some teeth came through just after it all ended.

Persevere.  If you're in the UK, I called the NCT support line and they were really helpful but I think La Leche League have numbers worldwide too.  I also spoke to my nursery nurse who is very pro BF.  Just remember no baby self weans at 8 months and also it's possible to adoptive breastfeed so if your milk does reduce a bit, don't worry, it will pick up!  My HV said to me when it was going on not to worry how much I was getting hand expressing, that the stimulation was enough.

Have you tried feeding standing up?  I remember so clearly the first feed where he latched again.  My BIL and nephews were over and my OH was in.  My son was crying for food (I remember that side didn't stop!)  I went upstairs and just held him standing up in the cradle hold and he latched!  He then fed for 14 mins (strange how I can remember that) when he was normally a really quick feeder. 

Keep offering.  If nothing else if he does relatch a bit it will help with stopping to do so gradually if that's what you decide.  It needn't be the end though, honest.  I remember reading something online saying "think every time you offer, you're not forcing, you're not giving, you're coaxing."

[hannahp]

Still no joy - 4 days now. He's still just crying and pushing me away. Also not taking else in the form of liquid, but nappies are reasonably wet as we're giving him lots of fruit and veg, yoghurts and milk in food.

Things I have tried!...
skin to skin and just playing
feeding standing up
feeding in all different positions I know
meds before bathtime to they're working by feed time
feeding when very sleepy/hungry/placid
going to local feeding clinic with BFN (although they have said similar stuff to you and said he might just be ready to stop of his own accord.)

I'm starting to lost hope as there doesn't seem to be any better. The trouble with giving up is that he's not going for the other options either - he jsut doesn't want anything!

Oh dear, it all feels a bit miserable, but he's very cheery for most of the time, so I'm very thankful for that

[Lemonthyme]

I'm really surprised they said he might be ready to stop.  Everyone I spoke to at the time said it's impossible at 8 months.  

I'm really sorry, I hope it finishes soon.

[Shiv52]

going to local feeding clinic with BFN (although they have said similar stuff to you and said he might just be ready to stop of his own accord.)

I'm sorry they told you that because it would be very unusual for a BF baby to self wean at such a young age. 

My DD went through a stage a few weeks ago of not wanting much milk so I completely cut back the solids (as milk is much more important) to make sure she was hungry for her feeds.  Whether or not you decide to keep trying with the BFing it would be important to start getting his milk intake back up. 

Maybe cutting the solids will get him back to taking milk?   

Is he taking the bottle at all?  Or any milk? 

[hannahp]

Hi, good news! He's now had 2 little feeds and 2 full feeds since yesterday lunchtime!!! :-) It's a bit of a game as I have to trick him into sucking a dummy for a second (which he no longer particularly likes) and then take it out and he'll usually latch. Today was a result as he came off one side and then latched on the other (which he wouldn't do yesterday) and he also came off several times and went back on
without help, so I'm hoping it's just a gradual process before he'll be back feeding as normal.

Thank you so much for our encouragement, I really needed to hear it wasn't an unusual thing and that he might go back, otherwise I would have given up and run my milk down. I'm so glad he persevered, he clearly still wants/needs to feed and I don't have to get any formula!!

xxxxx

[Lemonthyme]

YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!! That's brilliant news and it sounds like it's already getting better!  In no time you won't have to 'trick' him!  I'm so pleased for you!

[Shiv52]

Excellent news!!!! Well done you for perseveringly xx