One bad dream episode - terrified of sleep, screams - please help us.

[olivetshka]

Hello everyone,
I've posted here some few posts before, but wasn't here for quite some time - I didn't need it, everything was just perfect...
Amelia is now 3,7 yrs old, she just started kindergarten few weeks ago and since she turned 4 mo old is an independent sleeper. We had some ups and downs, some milestones to going thru, but we had no problems with her sleeping for 2 years - books, kisses and cuddles and out of her room. She was quiet as a mouse till the morning, happy calling us when was up usually around 7-8 am... Even when she had some NWs, she could settle down without any help. We were so happy till last week...
Around 1.40 am one night she started to scream - it was terrible scream and she was calling me. I went into her room. She was terrified, talking about some animals in her room. I cuddled her for a while and she could clearly see them - she was even pointnig all of them in the dark, beside my shoulder It was a horse, a pig, a kangaroo, a crocodile... Later she was seeing some man...
Her forehead was very hot - she had high fever, she was truly scared...
I took her into my bed, tucked her in and even then she was seeing those animals for quite long time later.
She knew what she was talking about, she wasn't in her sleep then. We've talked about it - first I told her "it was only a dream", but when I realised they were so real for her, I started to talk about it - how do they looked like etc ("pig is pink"- "oh, so she took a bath, but you like clean piggies, don't you?" etc).
After few long hours she was finally asleep but the next morning she was remember exactly everything - she even remembers it now, after 2 weeks...
For the next 2 days was ok, she was fallen asleep without any problems, no NWs.
Last weekend she suddenly refused to going to sleep - after books and kisses, she didn't want me to go out. I told her there was nothing to be scared about, that it was only one bad dream and everything was ok.
When I left the room, she started to scream. I went there again and talked to her and cuddle her. She was panicking, didn't want me to go.
Then my husband went there, talked to her etc - she was screaming her lungs out the moment he was going toward the door...
So I stayed with her that evening till she was asleep. It took maybe 5 mins - she was so exhausted.
The next evening I left the room, but stayed nearby and talked to her thru the door - just didn't want her to get used to new bad habit sitting next to her while falling asleep. So she was like:
"Mommy! Mommy!"
ME (thru the door, from corridor) "I can hear you"
SHE: "I dont want to go to sleep!"
ME: "I know, but you have to take a little rest. Just lie down and listen to your lullabies"
SHE (after 2 secs): "Mommy!"
ME: "I can hear you, I'm right here"
SHE: "But I don't want to"

It could take 15 mins, 30 mins or so - it depends on how tired she is.
During her NWs she was doing the same thing - scream, me into her room, cuddles, cry, me going out, scream, talking thru the door for 40 mins and when I finally get to bed and try to fall asleep, after about 30 mins all over again...
It's a nightmare for us. She was such a fantastic sleeper...
I have to wake up early for work, her older sister sleeps in the room next to hers and has to go to school the next day...

Yesterday and today evening I told her I'll be downstairs, no staying nearby, no talking thru the door, no screaming, just lying down and liestening the music while she's not sleepy. She cries, screams, keeps calling me all the time. From downstairs I told her few times to calm down etc., husband told her, too and after few mins she falls asleep. During the NWs we try do not talk to her - go into her room when she screams, cuddle for a while but also tell her that now is time to rest, put her lullabies on, mommy and daddy are sleeping the next room, everything is ok, and leave the room. While she was screaming we've told her few words from our room - short, just she could hear us and know we're nearby.
Are we doing the right thing? Could you please help us somehow?
What do you thing about all this?
Her NWs are usually around 3.40 am...
I'm so stressed out about tonight...
I'm begging you for some advice - thanks so much.

[Roseii]

((hugs)) that sounds so scary. Does she nap at all? I'm not v familiar with night terrors (if that's what these are ) Does she have a nightlight, might that help at all? My DD1 is younger but giving her a "special toy" to keep her safe at night can help...

[olivetshka]

((hugs)) that sounds so scary. Does she nap at all? I'm not v familiar with night terrors (if that's what these are ) Does she have a nightlight, might that help at all? My DD1 is younger but giving her a "special toy" to keep her safe at night can help...

Hi Charlibob and thanks for your reply.
Amelia doesn't nap anymore - she had quit over a year ago, in August. And she was doing fine without it, just a bit earlier bedtime, usual routine.
Yes, she has a nightlight - for quite some time now.
And a special "toy", too. Her security object is her nappy (cloth, like tiny blanket) from the newborn times - she got it when she was learning how to fall asleep on her own. Since then she carries it almost everywhere.
I also tell her every night before sleep that she can always cuddle with her nappy when she feels lonely at night.
I would like to know if I could let myself ignore that thing a bit - just to recognize if it's a try of manipulation or the real thing, like I'm-so-scared-of-going-to-sleep-because-of-animals...
Because right now I don't know if I could/should leave her alone during those NWs - I don't want to ruin her sense of security.

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs}}}

How awful for you all xx

I don't think it is any manipulation on her part to be honest.   I do think it sounds like she is genuinely scared especially given what an excellent sleeper she has been for so long.  I do think she has been frightened by that very vivid dream.  My 3YO went through a stage recently of being afraid of a monster in her room and wasn't playing up but was convinced it was there.  So at night we made a production of looking for it and I used my best mummy voice to tell monsters that they weren't allowed in M's room and we found a teddy from Monster Inc. and we decided he was in charge of monsters and he stayed on her bedside table to tell any monsters who might come wondering by that they needed to leave.  I think buying into it and helping her have a strategy for dealing with her real fear really helped.  I think had I said it was ok and it was a dream she would still be anxious about it KWIM? 

Would something similar work with your DD?  Maybe a zoo keeper could come round up those animals and take them back to the zoo?   

WHile she is so frightened I would reassure her as you are but I probably would stay with her for a night or two and reassure her she is ok and let her know if she needs you you will come. 

{{{hugs}}}

[PaulsMom]

hi,

I'm in the same boat as you.  DS (3yrs old) was sleeping well and then one night we had thunderstorms which woke him up.  He was scared and DH brought him into bed with us.  After that he was scared to go to bed on his own and would say that there was thunder even when the skies were clear! 

I used the gradual withdrawal method with him.  I told him that I would stay with him as long as he tried to fall asleep (basically no eye contact, talking etc).  Eventually I got out of the room and now I put him in his bed and then go and read in my bedroom  and he'll go to sleep on his own. 

It took alot of time but his fear were genuine so I was at a losss as what else to do.  The walk-in walk out wouldn't work  because he was screaming as soon as you tried to leave him. 

Hang in there, I know it's tough!

[<Catherine>]

Gosh, it sounds like you are having a rough time

It doesn't *sound* like actual night terrors as these tend to happen earlier in the night than you describe, and the child doesnt usually remember any of it the next day.

I've had plenty of night terror experience, but have no experience in quite what you are describing. It sounds awful

Shiv has some great ideas, hopefully something like the Zoo Keeper idea will help you.

[skatty]

It is really common for previously independant sleepers to need some help falling asleep when their imaginations get bigger! When my dd goes through these phases one of stays with her while she falls asleep, she knows she has to like down quietly with her eyes closed or we wont stay and she is usually asleep within 5-10 mins. I look at it as bonding, when she is older and looks back on it I am sure she will be really grateful for the memories of mum or dad being there when she needed us, I know it seems like you are going backwards but she will sleep independantly again one day  Like Shiv we also use things to invoke magic, my dd has a deam catcher, a huge teddy that protects her and we also have some pillow spray that we call angel spray and keeps her safe! My dd used to say there was a lion in her room, she would get really scared but we talked loads about it and he became friendly and ended up with a tiger for a friend and we shrank them so she could carry them in her pocket, she had those friends for a good 6 months!

BTW I would also do the same for NWs, tell her you will stay while she falls asleep, we did this with my dd and then after a little while we would say we will stay for 2 minutes and then we would just go in and kiss her and re-tuck her in. (((hugs))) it is hard to see our LOs so upset.