I don't want to jump in on your conversation, but I just read this whole thread and I swear my baby is related to yours. He will be 4 months on the 14th but was born a week late so he hits things one week early. Anyway, I have totally been living this drama too! I swear I almost had to check the names to make sure it wasn't me posting in some form of sleepy haze.
Anyway, I'll add my two cents of what I'm finding works for me. Some is just for sanity.
1. I read this:
http://www.askmoxie.org/2010/04/qa-naps-at-around-3-months.htmland it helped me see big picture a little and relax a bit. I have to reread it often.
2. I put my favorite mushy songs like "you're gonna miss this" by trace adkins on my ipod and listen to it while nursing. reminds me to stop and enjoy this despite the craziness.
3. I often say screw the EASY and just try hard to not feed to sleep. I actually like EASAY cause it doesn't build an "eat right when i get up" association.
4. I stick to every three hour feeds between the hours of 8am and 7pm, i don't care when he sleeps, he isn't eating sooner than that during those hours unless for some very strange reason he is hungry, which is rare.
5. i got over the 40 minute naps. once a day, usually for the 9am nap, i will go in with pacifier and try to extend. if i get him to, great! but that is all i'll do unless i'm in a stellar mood. it is just too frustrating.
6. i don't put him to bed until 9pm, last feed is at 8:30pm. he then gets up around 3 and 5 or 6am and i treat those as night feeds. i used to put him to bed earlier and he fought it and tended to wake up too early and not go back down.
7. i don't let him cry too much when he wakes up or when he goes down. otherwise he starts to associate the crib and soothing process with misery and cries when it even starts. i keep it positive and if he is melting down from OT I will walk around with him to "reset" his emotions a little. i don't force it.
8. If we get into an overtired rut, I put him in the Ergo and vacuum and let him sleep for a long time to catch up. I generally don't put him to bed early when OT, i just force a long nap in the carrier. when things start going bad after a long weekend/holiday, it is in the ergo to catch up on sleep.
9. when he wakes up crying, i let him sort it out for a couple minutes, he'll chill a little sometimes and then I come in with a wake up party. very smiley talking about a great nap. he cheers up quick. then his A time is no more than 2 hours, sometimes 1.5 for the next nap.
also, i hate hate hate the last (4th) nap. it is always a struggle and the source of many meltdowns (for me and him) haven't figure out how to manage it yet, he doesn't fall asleep in swings.
hope some of that helps. and hope you don't mind me joining your thread!
oh and i also love my soothing process- sitting forward in a recliner, no rocking, with pacifier and sound machine. the sound machine is KEY. he gets sleepy when he just hears it. he used to only sleep on me and it is how i broke him of it. that and kenny g.
