Desperate Daddy!

[DaddyNash]

Hello All..

I was searching the Internet out of desperation for some help/suggestions with my 18 month old and his nighttime sleeping and came across this website! I hope someone/anyone has some suggestions.

Our son started out in a basinet but because of acid reflux issues, he ended up in the bed with me.  My wife sleeps in another room so she can get some rest.  Here is his routine:

7-7:30am - 8oz bottle (4oz of formula and 4 oz of whole milk)
9am - breakfast (cheerios and pears)
10:30am-11:am - Nap (1 hour to 1.5 hours. My wife gets him to sleep and he sleeps on the bed and leaves him for a bit to shower and then she'll sit with him watching tv)
1pm - lunch (pancakes and fruit)
6pm dinner (grilled cheese, some sweet potatoes, some fruit and sometimes a treat)
7pm bath
7:30pm bed (I give him a 6 oz bottle of milk formula/whole milk) and he's usually asleep by 8 or 8:30
Then the fun begins!

He sleeps great for the first 4 to 5 hours. Then he will moan or give little cries until I give him his pacifier and he is able to hold my hand (his favorite thing to do is grab my hand and hold it up to his nose).  I know this is our fault but he is our first and I admit we made mistakes!  My wife and I have been over his schedule a million times, changed his pajamas (thinking he was uncomfortable...went from one piece to a two piece) etc..etc. On a good night, he'll do this at least 2 or 3 times.  There are some nights he'll do it almost every hour (after the first 4-5 hour).  He'll sleep until 5am or 6am.  6am would be great if he had a solid/straight through night (which i haven't seen since he was born! lol)

Now we are thinking it's some type of separation anxiety..but how do we break it? I mean, I'm right next to him!  But again, he's not happy unless there is some type of contact.

We are open to all suggestions! Except for those of you who will reply how terrible co-sleeping is.   

Thank you.

[anna*]

Co sleeping is not terrible! But it is a tough prop to break. You will need to be really strong and there will be lots of crying - BW is not a no-cry solution, but then even Elizabeth Pantley acknowledges that there's no 'no cry' solution with toddlers!

I'd suggest the first thing is to get him into his crib, with you still sleeping right by him. Yes there will be a lot of crying it but will be his frustration - he doesn't know any other way to sleep! Then you can start moving your mattress gradually towards the door by a couple of feet every couple of nights. It will be hard but you can do this!

[DaddyNash]

Thank you for the suggestion!

[jul28baby]

I also wonder if you moved his nap to a later time maybe noon, he might sleep a little longer and then be more rested for the afternoon.  He sounds a little overtired and has a very lengthy time awake from nap till bedtime.  (I'm assuming he takes one nap since you didn't post two naps in the schedule.)  Being more rested might afford him a more restful night.  It sounds like he is getting about 11.5 hours of sleep and around his age closer to 13 hours is average.  That is just an average though.

[clazzat]

Am I reading your schedule right that he is sleeping from 10.30-12 as his only daytime sleep and he is then awake until 8/8.30? If so, I would suggest that your major issue is actually ot (over tiredness) and you will not have much success with teaching him independent sleep until you tackle that.

You should really be trying to even out his day a bit so that his nap is broadly speaking in the middle of the day - so if he wakes up at 7, the nap should be about 12.30 (so he is awake for 5.5h before it) and then bedtime should be about 7.30 (again, awake for 5.5h). A lot of los do prefer to have either a long morning or a long afternoon, but the balance in your day is way off.

As for co-sleeping, I have ended up doing it with 2 of mine simply because actually the family wasn't functioning with the ridiculous lack of sleep! Weaning it with dd2 was actually a very painless process - I'd be happy to share how I did it once you can be sure that there isn't another issue disturbing your lo's sleep.

[DaddyNash]

Am I reading your schedule right that he is sleeping from 10.30-12 as his only daytime sleep and he is then awake until 8/8.30? If so, I would suggest that your major issue is actually ot (over tiredness) and you will not have much success with teaching him independent sleep until you tackle that.

Yes. That is correct.  One nap.  Most of the time it's the morning.  Occasionally he'll skip the morning and take an afternoon nap (no longer than 1.5 hrs).

Thank you all for your suggestions!

[clazzat]

Does he sleep better when he has slept in the afternoon rather than the morning? If you can get him to have a later nap for 3-4 days in a row, you will probably see a difference. If he is sleeping well for 4-5 hours, he might be able to stretch that out when he is not ot.

[DaddyNash]

Does he sleep better when he has slept in the afternoon rather than the morning? If you can get him to have a later nap for 3-4 days in a row, you will probably see a difference. If he is sleeping well for 4-5 hours, he might be able to stretch that out when he is not ot.

No.  We don't notice a difference when he sleeps in the afternoon.  But we'll try that for a few days.  Thank you!

[clazzat]

It's always worth trying something for a few days in a row to see if it helps - it often takes that long for the effect to be seen.

Have you read any of the bw books?  They are definitely worth a read if you are trying to introduce some sort of structure.

Other things which you might find helpful at this point are the 'know your toddler' quiz - knowing your toddler's type can help you work out what approach is the most effective (for example dd1 is angel and therefore I can get away with pretty much anything, dd2 is touchy so I have to tread really carefully and be super-tuned in to what is going on with her). The other thing which might help is some information about typical a times and sleep times for other los of a similar age.

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164033.0
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52284.0