pls help! my 22 month old wont go to sleep!

[s_dhroliya]

ok, so for the sake of my sanity and my marriage, i better do something.
we now sleep with her on the floor in her room (on a double mattress) and stay with her until shes fallen asleep.  im not sure how to start GW?  should i try putting her back in her crib?  shes been up since 4:45 this morning

[*jazzberry*]

Here's another link with some info that might help. I'm assuming you want her to sleep back in her crib again? What happens now when you put her in her crib? What happens when she sleeps on the mattress on the floor? Does she stay there all night? Have a look at this and let us know what you think. ((((hugs))))
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

[s_dhroliya]

hi jazzberry,
thank you so much for your response. 
i would love for her to sleep in her crib again, independantly, like she used to do, but my husband thought all signs were pointing in the direction that she had outgown her crib (standing in crib for hours!).
when we put her down on the floor, we wait for her to fall asleep and then leave...she usually wakes up once or twice a night screaming.
i guess i should use the WI/WO method.  is there a time limit per night that i should let it go on for? 
thanks inadvance

[*jazzberry*]

I think once you start using the wiwo method you need to keep going until she falls asleep. Given that she has got used to going to sleep with you in the room I was wondering if gw might be the best way to go? Are you planning to keep her sleeping on the floor? Or do you want her to sleep in her crib again?

[s_dhroliya]

we are planning on keeping her on the mattress on the floor until we buy a double bed next week.  shes too tall for the crib...i think.  should i do GW then?

today she woke up at 4:45 am screaming/crying, and wouldnt go back to bed.  we tried to nap her at 11:30 and she didnt go down until 1:15 (she was screaming the entire time), woke up at 2:45 and she finally went down at 7:30.  sometimes, i feel likes shes playing us. 

[Bex09]

Hi there hun, hugs for the hard time ATM. I think at this age LOs can learn that if they keep up the crying long enough you will cave and they play on this a little. I think GW would work really well for you, we used it with our DD and she has been a really great sleeper since.

So here to hold your hand if you like and offer advice if I can. Can you put your DD in her cot awake for naps/BT and stay with her or does she scream straight away? What you will probably need to do first is put your mattress right by her cot. Do your usual WD and then put DD in her cot, using your sleepy phrase like "it's sleepy time now, it's ok mummy is here". Then lie down on the mattress but rub DD's back or pat her, whatever works to calm her but try to avoid eye contact, conversation or PU. You can keep repeating your sleepy phrase over and over or shush, but be as boring and lifeless as possible. Now there will be crying but remember you are right there with her all the time and she will be angry not feeling scared or abandoned yk? I can promise that eventually she will get fed up and lie down and go to sleep. It took us 40 mins the first night, not crying all of that but on and off.

If she stands up use your sleepy phrase and add "lie down" but let her get on with it. If you PD it may become a game or get her really mad. Basically try not to be drawn in by the antics that she may try. I had dummies dropped on my head and teddies thrown at me!! I just put them back in the cot through the bars with no reaction at all. If your DD NW repeat this back rubbing or patting back to sleep without PU if possible.

After a night or two of this, lie on the mattress but try to take your hand off once DD is calm and only put back if she gets upset. Next night lie on the mattress but calm only with your voice and sleepy phrase if you can. From then on you can start moving the mattress further away each night towards the door. Eventually you will be able to walk out of the door and DD will settle on her own. HTHs sorry it is do long! Good luck and any questions just ask.

[Shiv52]

So here to hold your hand if you like and offer advice if I can. Can you put your DD in her cot awake for naps/BT and stay with her or does she scream straight away? What you will probably need to do first is put your mattress right by her cot. Do your usual WD and then put DD in her cot, using your sleepy phrase like "it's sleepy time now, it's ok mummy is here". Then lie down on the mattress but rub DD's back or pat her, whatever works to calm her but try to avoid eye contact, conversation or PU. You can keep repeating your sleepy phrase over and over or shush, but be as boring and lifeless as possible. Now there will be crying but remember you are right there with her all the time and she will be angry not feeling scared or abandoned yk? I can promise that eventually she will get fed up and lie down and go to sleep. It took us 40 mins the first night, not crying all of that but on and off.

I would do this ^^^  I wouldn't PU out of the cot again and just keep saying your sleepy phrase and patting the mattress.  I think GW would definately be the way to go.  And i agree there will be crying and upset but you are there reassuring her and TBH I would tackle it before you move her to a bed otherwise i fear you will be dealing with her getting up and down out of bed and it will be alot worse if she is used to you lying with her to go to sleep.

HTH x

[s_dhroliya]

thank you so much for your advice/guidance.  its much appreciated!
i dont know why im so scared to do GW.  i think its because i have a stubborn DD and 2 weeks ago i put her in her crib and she stood for 4 hours and fell asleep standing!
so, my question is, how does GW work if shes on a matress on the floor.  im afraid of putting her in the crib because she keeps trying to climb out.  shes 22 months, but very tall for her age - 33 inches.
thank you!!

[Bex09]

Hi hun, I totally agree with Shiv that if you try to do this with your DD on a mattress or in a BGB it will be so much harder as she can get up and walk around. My DD is stubborn too and no other sleep training ever worked with her, BUT I was amazed how well GW worked, it only took us a week.

Have you tried your DD sleeping in a Grobag type sleeping bag? My DD is a real climber and she had never tried to climb out of her cot (yet!) wearing hers. Also I know you said it took 4 hrs the other night but I wonder if that is because you weren't in there with her, maybe if she knew you were there she would be more inclined to settle down to sleep. What do you think? TBH until you give it a go, you will never know. I was also convinced that we would have hours of crying and tantrums when we first started and I was amazed that it only took 40 mins and nowhere near as many tears as I thought.

How is the nap capping going? Are you still capping at 2 hrs?

[s_dhroliya]

i failed miserably last night   at 7:00pm we did our bedtime routine (bath, book, bottle...) and when i started walking over to her crib, she lost it.  started screaming/crying at the top of her lungs...she wouldnt let go of me.  her legs were wrapped around me and so were her arms. i tried to put her in her crib for 45 minutes, but she wouldnt let go of my shirt.  i had to give up cos my DS woke up.  argh.  now what?  it seems like shes traumatized by her cot.

to answer your question re her nap = yes, we have been capping it at 2 hours.  so this is what her day looked like yesterday

nw 4:30 (DH went it and managed to get her to sleep until 5:45am)
nap: 11:40 - 1:40
bt -we started the process at 7, but she didnt go to bed until 8:30

[Shiv52]

I think you have 2 choices. 

The first is to just get her in the crib.  Sounds cruel but you just have to remove her from your shirt and put her in.  You are right there reassuring her.  I think at this age it can be hard to tell what is fear and what is just pure stubborn toddler behaviour getting extremely upset because they don't want to do something.  She may very well cry for hours initially.  But you have to keep your goal in mind.  You want her to be sleeping in her own room going to sleep on her own.  So you just get her in and sit beside her and reassure.  I think once they realise you mean business they do get used to it very quickly. 

The second option is to have her sleep on the mattress on the floor but you do not lie with her.  You sit off to the side and if she gets up you just return her to bed and go back to your spot on the floor.  I imagine there will still be a lot of crying this way too when she realises you aren't lying with her. 

Either approach....with NWs you return to your spot and settle the same way.

The most important thing though is not to give in once you start or it makes all the crying be for nothing and it also helps a very stubborn toddler to learn they will get their way eventually.  I know it is really hard with DS.   Is DH about when you do bedtime?  Can he be responsible for DS while you work wiht DD?  WHen i was having issues with DD1 messing DH kept DD2 downstairs until she was settled.  I do think having a plan for DS will help because there will be crying and upset either way while she learns that you arent' giving in anymore and it really is important not to give in. 

Which way do you think you want to approach it?

[Bex09]

Oh ((HUGS)) hun, it is so hard but I totally agree with Shiv. Your DD will not be happy because you are changing things and she isn't getting what she wants, so she will be upset. Have you tried talking to her first about it? With my DD I told her during her WD what we were going to do, something like "Mummy is going to put you in your crib, but I am going to stay right here with you but you are going to fall asleep in your own bed tonight". Maybe if you a firm about it she will realise that you mean business.

I would also make sure that once you start you don't go back on this, so you follow through with getting her into the cot. Like Shiv said she will soon learn that if she cries enough you will cave in and then all that upset has been for nothing yk? I know it is so hard and especially with your DS too.

As a last thought is your DD scared of the crib in the day? So if you put her in there with books, toys etc and get on with jobs in her room how does she react? If she doesn't like this you could start helping her to get used to it by placing her in there for short periods in the day and playing with her toys with her, reading her stories, etc. Hang in there, you will get this sorted.