Hi,
I've twin toddler boys too, and I'm a single mum, so having them in bed with me doesn't really work. One of them is very needy at night-time (I've actually wondered whether the stress I was under in pregnancy had a similar effect to what people say CIO does??). I did most of my sleep training when they were relatively old - I think they were over a year when I started, and R has been going through a bad patch for the last month (at 21 months) - he won't really be happy unless I cuddle him to sleep which I won't - so perhaps some relevance to your question?
I decided what I was prepared to do and what I wasn't - I don't hold his hand as he falls asleep (because he wakes up and cries again when I try to remove it) and I now don't lift him out the cot because putting him back in upsets him so much, and he's so heavy I can't do it without waking him, but I will sit with him if necessary. I couldn't do it without him crying at all, but I don't let him get really upset, so it's all back and forward, and be prepared for slow going. At 17 months you do at least have the advantage of more understanding so you can tell them that they have to sleep in their cribs now but you are there.
It's all the BW techniques really, there are some in there for toddlers so have a look. The gist, as I understand it, is do what is necessary to stop them getting too upset. If they start to cry, ignore for a few seconds, if it starts to escalate shush them, then go in, then cuddle them, and as they settle stop doing these things one by one and go up and down that line. They did and do sometimes get upset but I am there talking to them and stroking them, even though I won't do what they want and pick them up. While I do it I tell them it's sleep time now (meaning so they can't get up, can't have hugs). I think with your two, as with mine at first, you're better off reacting too quickly than too slowly as they escalate so fast and upset each other, but with time they're more likely to settle themselves. And at first just stay with them and do everything you can to settle them and soothe them short of letting them sleep with you, then as they get used to that you can start withdrawing a bit. I'm sure others know more here.
It sounds like it would be really helpful to you if you and your husband were able to both be around for bedtimes for a little bit (or two people anyway) and if it's possible I'd suggest either separate rooms or separate times as I found my two keep each other awake but tend not to wake each other up once they're asleep. Otherwise just as you settle one, the other will start up and they'll both end up screaming because overtired. But I did it on my own, just spend a fair bit of time sitting between their cots with a hand through each bar or an arm round two standing children.
So, no magic solution, but it does work in time. R still gets cross sometimes and cries and thrashes for a little bit (10-20 secs?) but then rolls back to where I'm sitting to have his hand stroked again and that settles him. Now he's older if he stands up I tell him to lie down and I will stroke him once he's lying down and he understands that. His twin nearly always settles himself.
Do think about what you really want. I found one stint in my bed equals 2 or 3 middle of the night tantrums when they can't do it again - the more inconsistent you are the harder it is. Is it to settle themselves, to settle in their cribs, or to go in their cribs once they've fallen asleep?
An optimistic thought to end on - I am very sure that if I ever had tried CIO they would have been the sort to scream themselves sick, but we're in a better place now. Good luck.
