Discouraged & Ready to Give Up

[OregonGirl]

*sorry for the long post, I'm just not sure where to start*

My daughter is now 6 months old and I am starting to feel really discouraged and tempted to just give up and do CIO, even though I am adamantly against it. I just don't see how things are going to change or how she is ever going to learn to self soothe and sleep. She has never been a good sleeper from the beginning which is made complicated by reflux. Her reflux is now under control (we think) through gaviscon and ompezarole. Although, I am never certain if it is actually under control as she seems to have flare ups. Anyway, I an rambling...the reason I feel so desperate is that she has never slept through the night, and only ever had random stretches of 5-6 hours straight. I love those nights. I don't even mind the nights where there is a solid 4 hour stretch.

However, her night time sleep has always been inconsistent. Two weeks ago we managed to get her down to only one night feed (including the dream feed) but, last week she started waking up screaming multiple times a night. The only way I could get her to sleep was upright on my shoulder, but every time I laid her down she would scream hysterically and writhe around. Finally, last night I gave her some ibuprofen to see if that would help and it did for a few hours. She also cries whenever I lay her down to feed. Maybe it is her ears? As a first time mum, I just feel so lost. Today, I carried on with giving her ibuprofen and that resluted in 1 two hour nap in the morning. However, this afternoon she fought her second nap and again was screaming when laid down. In the past I could just do our wind down routine (gro bag, small amount of rocking to music, laid down drowsy but awake) and she would drift off peacefully. Last night, I was so desperate for her to sleep we gave her the pacifier back (which we had previously weaned). Maybe that just confused her more, but we were so desperate for the screaming to end and it seemed better than having to pick her up to soothe her.

As you can tell, I am very tired and confused and really need encouragement and advice. Everyone else around me says to just let her CIO or do CC. I've never agreed with that approach, but I am really missing my husband being able to sleep next to me (as for work when she gets like this he needs to sleep on the sofa so he can function the next day).

Here are all the things we have tried in the 6 months of her life:
*swaddling- now she is too old for this
*white noise- we still do this
*soft music
*rocking
*no rocking
*setting straight in crib
*weaning pacifier (previously, she was waking every 30 min wanting to be replugged)
*setting down drowsy
*lengthening activity times- currently 3 hr cycle
*watching (always) for sleepy cues
*lovey- still has, but does not seem that interested in it
*seeing GP about reflux issues, changed meds
*giving pacifier back (she is old enough now to choose it for herself if she wants and it potentially may help with reflux)
*pu/pd- this aggrivated her reflux

I am starting to feel like things are hopeless and that I will never be able to help her learn to sleep on her own. I guess my questions are:
*Is she trying at this young age to drop her second nap and just take a long morning one?
*If pu/pd isn't an option due to reflux, what should I do?
*Is this a pain issue the last week or so or is it something else?
*Is she stuck in an OT cycle and if so how do I get her out of it?

[ENMS]

Hi so sorry you're having trouble! It is hard I know, especially with a baby that has reflux! To answer your questions:

*Is she trying at this young age to drop her second nap and just take a long morning one?

I really doubt it, usually the earliest they go to one nap is around 12 months.  At 6 months, she might be going in the 3-2 transition though?

*If pu/pd isn't an option due to reflux, what should I do?

Have you tried shhpat? That is definitely what I would try.  DS has reflux, and when I sleep trained him 3 weeks ago, I tried to comfort his as much as possible in his crib, and only picked him up if he was really distressed to not aggravate his reflux.  Basically you comfort them in the crib but you allow them to fall asleep independently. When I first tried, it was difficult because DS cried a lot, but it was one difficult day and then it went better, and I felt good knowing that at least I was there to comfort him.  At some point I would just keep my hand on his chest to let him know I was still there, but anything I tried made him more angry. So you need to try to find what will soothe or reassure your LO - singing, shushing, patting, gentle pressure on his chest, etc. 

Also, I notice that she's 6 months now, could she possibly be going through the 6 month growth spurt? That mgiht explain why she was down to only 1 NF and now is waking up more?

Could you write down her EASY? Having multiple NW's and difficulty going down for naps can also be a routine issue.

Also do you really feel that her reflux is controlled? The new meds are working well you think? There can also be reflux flare ups during teething, illness, or growth spurts so that might be why she's more uncomfortable lately?

Difficult to tell if this last week the issue is pain... I'd think if the ibuprofen really makes a difference, then it is definitely a strong possibility.

About the OT cycle... she probably is, do you sometimes try to APOP a nap during the day so that she gets a good rest on those days she short naps? That's what I would always do when DS had reflux. it did help us make it through the day. Then we tackled sleep training and for 1-2 days he got more tired, but being able to fall asleep on his own really helped him to take longer naps and he was then able to get out of that OT cycle.

hang in there, I know all my friends too did CC and CIO and they think I'm crazy for being against it, but I think there is definitely more gentle methods you can try that will work! we'll help you get there

[OregonGirl]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply Elise. Even just having someone to talk things through with helps so much.

I think she is definitely going through the 3-2 nap transition. It's just been so weird the last week that I can hardly get 2 naps out of her. The last week she has been back to consistently short 40-45 min naps again (so discouraging since last month we had solid 1.5 hour naps each time).

Here's our typical EASY right now:
7:00- wake up and feed + ompezarole/gaviscon
8:30- solids
10:00- 1st nap (earlier wake up would be 10:45)
11:30- feed (gaviscon)
1:00- solids
2:30- 2nd nap (if wakes early, then earlier bt)
4:00- feed (gaviscon)
5:30- solids
6:15- bedtime routine starts
7:00- bedtime

Before last week, she was really consistent in her timings and it was great.

Have you tried shhpat?
Sshhh pat is what we have used in the past. That's why I feel so perplexed as she doesn't seem to be soothed by the normal methods at all this last week.

Also, I notice that she's 6 months now, could she possibly be going through the 6 month growth spurt? That mgiht explain why she was down to only 1 NF and now is waking up more?

She definitely could be... I hadn't thought of that. Although, she hasn't seemed that hungry with her NW this last week. But, I will see if offering her a second feed during solids will help.


Also do you really feel that her reflux is controlled? The new meds are working well you think? There can also be reflux flare ups during teething, illness, or growth spurts so that might be why she's more uncomfortable lately?

I'm not sure to be honest, we have a dr appointment this upcoming Friday to discuss it. I did notice tonight while putting her to bed that she is wheezing alot while lying down, so maybe it isn't under control as much as I thought. Maybe that is why she wants to be held upright? Although, usually the wedge in her cot works really well for her.


About the OT cycle... she probably is, do you sometimes try to APOP a nap during the day so that she gets a good rest on those days she short naps? That's what I would always do when DS had reflux. it did help us make it through the day. Then we tackled sleep training and for 1-2 days he got more tired, but being able to fall asleep on his own really helped him to take longer naps and he was then able to get out of that OT cycle.

Yesterday, I walked her in the buggy for 2 hours trying to get her to sleep for her 2nd nap and she didn't it was crazy. But, today at church she totally slept for 2 hours for her 1st nap in the buggy. Then for her 2nd nap today she wouldn't go down. I think I may try APOP again tomorrow just to see if it will help for naps.

[ENMS]

If something changed dramatically this week, I'd be tempted to think it's either pain / discomfort... what do you think?

What reflux meds is she on and what is the dose? Do you know if it's the max dose for her weight?  Does she look like she has teeth coming through?

If the poor sleep is really caused by pain / discomfort, then I'd definitely APOP some naps to get you and her through this. But if after a while it stays the same, then maybe you will need to consider some other for of sleep training? There are definitely more options that CIO / CC. I'm no expert but I'm sure someone here can help with that.