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Author Topic: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?  (Read 10284 times)

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Offline Katet

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #30 on: April 11, 2012, 09:23:21 am »
  DH and I are also 'picky' and have a repertoire that we'll eat from for the most part.  I have been making stuff he (and DH) likes for the most part, but the problem is, Finn's slowly dwindling his list of acceptable foods by proclaiming he doesn't like something he used to like.  So meals are becoming toast every night. [/quote]

That actually is very normal, tastebuds are at their strongest around 2-4yo & so flavours do change & TBH if you are 'limited' eaters then it is reasonable to expect a 3yo to eat about 10-25% of what you eat.

I menu plan & every 2 weeks I try something new, mostly slow cooker meals, because we need them for days when we get home from sports practice at 6.45pm & normal dinner is 6/6.30pm, I need to have meals I can serve in 5mins. Some meals we decide "not again" & once we all ate toast for dinner, but it is good to have that discussion KWIM.
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Offline Katet

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #31 on: April 19, 2012, 08:01:39 am »
I thought of you Wendy today.

I was out with the boys & had Fish & Chips for lunch (shopping Mall food court)... Well DS1 had grilled fish, DS2 had calamari & I had sushi (the boys shared with each others)... 2 years ago neither would have eaten those foods.

Anyway at the next table there was a teenage girl (16?) with Grandparents, they had got a cuppa & Raisin Toast, she came back with a Turkish Pide (Cheese & Spinach I think) & I over heard most of the conversation & the teen offered some to the Grandparents to try... the Grandmother does a "what is it like?" & then timidly trys some, really only ate one piece. The Granfather did the whole "OMG you expect me to eat that poison" look & said "no thanks, I don't like that new fangled foreign food"... reminded me of my Parents & FIL, don't eat out of their comfort zone.

From a BTDT it has been a long road, but honestly there is no way one could call my 8yo a "picky" eater anymore & yet at 3yo, he basically ate no more than 20 different (single) foods & very few mixed foods, these days he eats a huge mix from Indian foods to Italian & even ate Kangaroo the other day & asked when we can go somewhere so he can try Crocodile.
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Offline babybarr

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #32 on: April 19, 2012, 09:12:19 am »
Honestly if I put 5-10 foods on our plates there'd be an awful lot of waste!!! 

Wendy I think it depends on the meal.  Sometimes we'd just have meat, veg, potatoes - so perhaps 4 foods + gravy??  Other days it's be fresh filled pasta and sauce & salad (mixed lettuce - I'm not a big salad fan, I do veg for O) so I'd class that as 3 foods...  There's no way I'd have time to prepare food for a slow cooker plus slice salad, veg, cook pasta, cous cous whatever.  With O he eats what we eat.  If we have cabbage - which he doesn't like - he has some on his plate, TBH as a child I never liked cabbage but I do now.  There's lots of things I wouldn't eat as a child and we had quite a limited diet too but now I eat much more esp. fruit and veg.  I'll often now have a vege option at a restaurant.

We also never offer dessert if he hasn't eaten "enough".

((((hugs))) TBH I'd try not to stress it too much.  Offer what you have and encourage I'm sure as he gets older he'll eat more variety.
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Offline Jimbob

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #33 on: April 19, 2012, 09:31:53 am »
I quite like the idea off having at least 5 foods on the plate. We do already have this with quite a few meals but I am going to try and do this with all meals. I have also found that my ds eats more variety if we do a mini buffet. I think its because he gets to choose his food ad how much he wants of each food. We make sure it is all good healthy nutritious food so it does not matter how much of each food he has really especially as he did suffer with a severe food aversion so any progress is good. To be honest he is doing really well now and has a good varied diet now.

Kelly
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Offline ~Sara~

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #34 on: May 07, 2012, 15:06:41 pm »
Just checking in with you, Wendy...how are things in Finn-land? ;)
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Offline Tweakster

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #35 on: May 07, 2012, 15:11:09 pm »
He's eating less and less and less these days.   Even offering him meals with more stuff on the plate has not helped.  He just says 'I don't like that' to everything. *sigh*  Going to start a thread on protein :(
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Offline ~Sara~

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #36 on: May 07, 2012, 15:13:00 pm »
These silly children!

Well, if you want to keep this thread going and get support, just let me know...I'm happy to hold your hand and throw ideas around with you.
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Offline Mom to M&M

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #37 on: May 07, 2012, 16:26:01 pm »
Same here Wendy! We can keep this one going or start a new one and I have lots of ideas for protein too!
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Offline Katet

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #38 on: May 07, 2012, 22:09:23 pm »
Wendy FWIW (& I often say this F often reminds me of Ds1) DS1 ate maybe 20 things (that were healthy) at 3yo... now at close to 9yo, he eats the evening meal every night & eats cabbage, brussel sprouts etc... He honestly eats almost everything on offer - except for sandwich fillings, that is the problem. But my advice would be it may get worse before it gets better, but for us a realistic goal has been 1 new food/month (which in the early years often meant losing one a month too)... oh & this is the boy who now chooses grilled fish (from the fish & chipie) over McDonalds ;)
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #39 on: May 13, 2012, 12:20:39 pm »
Interesting topic.  My son is (only just) 2 years old but is getting increasingly picky.  I'm letting it slide at the moment and keeping offering things as I figure to stop is fatal but it's interesting the tactics you all use.  No doubt I will be using them too but it's reassuring in a way to realise it's too early now.

My parents used to say to me, "Have one spoonful, it's an adult taste" so that it let us off in a way if we didn't want it because we were just kids but also we wanted to be sophisticated so we wanted to like adult tastes.  Sneaky.
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #40 on: May 16, 2012, 19:07:24 pm »
Ok, my son is only just two.  He was being fussy on Monday with some potato wedges (which I knew he would like if he tried them) so I said "do you want to just try a bit?" he said "no".

I left the plate on the table and after his fruit pudding he said "Try them" and he then tried a bit of potato, then ate them all.

No idea if this would work every time; probably not but perhaps it's not about enforcing the rule just mentioning it?
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Offline aylien

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #41 on: May 17, 2012, 00:11:41 am »
Wendy, I think you've gotten a ton of really good advice here.  I also don't think Finn's behavior is abnormal - just closer to one end of the picky spectrum.

FWIW, my DD is like this and I am in the same situation as you except in our case, DH doesn't eat dinner with us (he'll sit with us but refuses to eat anything I cook and will not eat vegetables... don't get me started please...) so I am the only parent to set an example of healthy eating.  At present (age 2.9) she will eat one vegetable (broccoli, but only with cheese), no meat (unless in a bolognese sauce), about 3 different fruits, and no dairy other than cheese.  If it were up to her, she'd subsist on pasta and bread.  I just hope it gets better but I'm not sure there's much I can do other than control *when* and *what* is served, set a good example, and keep encouraging and offering over and over and over. 

The one thing I really want to say though is that, I think when it comes to food and trying new things, truly 'enforcing' the rule will backfire.  I have no scientific basis for saying this, but it is a very strong intuition I have, having struggled with eating disorders most of my life.  I think that with food it is extremely important to avoid getting into any power struggles and to keep emotions separate (don't use food as incentives or rewards or means of comfort, for example), and truly forcing him to try something could cause him to develop negative associations with the food or the act of trying something new.  I think as long as he sees you eating a variety of healthy foods, and you're offering these foods to him in a positive environment, and you're giving him the chance to be hungry at mealtimes (no snacking, or at least limit snacking) eventually he will branch out. 

Just my two cents.  And, admittedly, my DD is a terrible eater so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

I know it is so incredibly frustrating.  Good luck. 
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Offline Lemonthyme

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #42 on: May 18, 2012, 20:30:07 pm »
Interesting you should say that.  As I said, my son's still quite little and would only eat broccoli recently if it was hidden.  Last time I offered it, he suddenly, out of the blue ate all of the broccoli, almost choking on some of it in his enthusiasm!  

Anyway, it might not work with older kids but IMO if you stop offering things, you are enforcing the fussiness.  At least if the option is there (even if it's just in a communal bowl they can help themselves from) then there is at least a small chance they might have a bit?

My parents (being parents in the 70's) had no time for fussiness. Their rule was "you will be allowed one thing that you won't eat" and that meant we were allowed to leave that one thing.  It didn't mean we weren't offered it (my thing was leaks and my mum used to cook whole leeks wrapped in ham with cheese sauce, if I didn't eat it, I went hungry.)  It's funny how things change.  I'm not saying they were right at all but there is probably a halfway house from their approach to one that's common now.
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Offline aylien

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #43 on: May 18, 2012, 22:04:26 pm »
I just want to clarify, I am by no means saying you shouldn't offer, I think you have to offer, offer, offer, and really encourage trying.  Especially since, at least in Finn's case, it sounds like he would like a lot of things if he would only try (my DD tends to reject most things, even after trying - including cake and pudding). I'm just saying, truly *enforcing* when the child is vehemently objecting might backfire by creating a negative association with the food you want him to try.  I think it's important to keep a positive attitude towards food.   However, even I refuse to allow desert (when we have it, which is rare) if she hasn't at least tried everything.  
« Last Edit: May 18, 2012, 22:06:41 pm by aylien »
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Offline Tweakster

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Re: For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?
« Reply #44 on: May 23, 2012, 17:58:52 pm »
Quote from: aylien on May 18, 2012, 17:04:26 pm
I think it's important to keep a positive attitude towards food.   However, even I refuse to allow desert (when we have it, which is rare) if she hasn't at least tried everything.
Just saw this - thanks :)  Yes that is what we are going for.  We haven't really 'enforced' anything because he simply will not try it.  He will lock his mouth and we practically have to break it open and shove it in...which is so not what I want to do.  He's not a kid who will just say 'oh ok mommy said I have to therefore I will do it'  Nope.  He fights us all the way with everything.  We say 2 mins he says 5.  We say 1 more slide, he says 2.  We say get your shoes on, he says 'not yet'.  He's taking control where he can, I get that.

My friend's kid is turning 4 next weekend and literally he eats nothing.  I mean almost nothing.  He came over for a playdate and had some chips, popcorn and refused to eat his hot dog.  And I'm talking just a wiener cooked on the BBQ - no bun or condiments.  He wouldn't even eat it that way.  I bought the hot dogs for him because it's one thing he normally eats lol  Because they weren't at home they didn't enforce the 'dessert' rule and so he was able to have his ice cream cone.  He had two licks and then didn't want it.  Ice cream!  Can you imagine?  Finn had ice cream in one hand grabbing a cookie in the other LOL  So I know that there are really and truly picky kids and that Finn isn't even on the worst end of the spectrum and that his picky phase is likely just that, a phase, because he really seems to enjoy food.  It's not always food that is good for him but he can even find enjoyment in eggs, or some strawberries...so he is open to good eating.  Baby steps!
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